Happy New Year’s Eve!

I’m not a fan of the concept of New Year’s resolutions.  It seems that these “resolutions” are somehow now associated with failure…the things we wanted to do in the new year but didn’t quite manage to achieve.

Let’s not make resolutions this year.  Let’s make commitments, heart-and-soul intentions that we’ll find a way to achieve, come hell or high water.  In the end, it’s the process of dedicating ourselves to these dreams and goals that matters and changes our lives, so let’s do it—together.

Here’s one heart-and-soul commitment I’m dedicating myself to …I’m letting go of worry, as best I can.  Worry has eaten away at me for years, and I’m tired of it.  I’m giving it up.  I’m starting today in the process of tuning myself like a tuning fork.  Each morning as I awaken, I’m tuning myself to the vibration of well-being, peace, and carefree calm.  It feels good to vibrate at this level…it makes me want more of it.

So out with the resolutions, and in with soulful commitments.  Mine is to internal peace and harmony, and letting my worries go.  What’s yours?

Here’s to happy breakthroughs and soulful intentions that change our lives.

Happy New Year to you and yours!

Greetings!  I recently read a very thought-provoking article by Michael Lewis, columnist for Bloomberg News, about the difference between a “calling” and a job.  He had some very powerful insights about the differences. 

Here’s the article (it’s certainly worth a read, especially in today’s times):

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aBabxZ9WD2cE

What struck me most deeply were two sentiments:

“There’s a direct relationship between risk and reward. A fantastically rewarding career usually requires you to take fantastic risks.”

and

“A calling is an activity you find so compelling that you wind up organizing your entire self around it — often to the detriment of your life outside of it.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Over the years, I’ve worked with a good number individuals who dream of having a fantastic and thrilling career, but in some essential way(s) aren’t willing to embrace or take on what’s required to achieve it. 

What is required?  Here’s a list of traits and characteristics that I believe are essential to having a fantastic career (or following a calling):

-          Boundless energy and commitment

-          A large reserve of hope and faith

-          Self-esteem and self-confidence to know that your dream is achievable

-          Openness to learn from your mistakes and to get help when needed

-          A healthy dose of reality about what’s necessary to succeed on this path

-          Risk-acceptance and tolerance

-          The belief that you can’t live without pursuing this career

-          A very tough skin

I agree with Michael too that neither way is better (a job or calling); they’re just different.  “There are costs and benefits to both.”  You may have a job you enjoy (or can live with) yet know that what makes you feel passionate and powerful is not your job, but outside interests and experiences.  The key is to follow a path (either personally or professionally) that lights you up on the inside, and motivates you to be all you can be.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights:

1)       Are you involved in a job or a calling?   Which works best for you?

2)       If you feel you have a fantastic career and professional life, what did it take to get it?

3)       What advice can you give for others about the benefits and risks to having a job vs. following a calling?

Either way, it’s a choice.  But making this choice consciously is the difference between misery and joy.

This week, I had the great pleasure of speaking with writer extraordinaire, Janene Mascarella (www.janenemascarella.com), a successful contributor to many magazines that we know and love.  We discussed what it takes to thrive in a creative field such as freelance writing.  Janene shared a terrific little story that she sees as a metaphor for what we all must do to move forward in our lives, putting ourselves out there each and every day, with persistence and faith.

The story tells of an aging donkey who lives on a farm.  His owner decides it’s time to do away with the donkey, believing he’s seen better days.  The farmer digs a very deep hole in which to bury the donkey.  In goes the donkey, but each time the farmer throws in a shovel of dirt, the donkey shakes it off, and steps up.  And so it goes for hours: dirt on the donkey… donkey shakes it off, and steps up.  Shakes it off, and steps up.  Finally, after many hours, the donkey has shaken off so much dirt that he reaches level ground, and runs away to safety and freedom.

According to Janene, we all need to shake off everything thrown our way that holds us back and keeps us down.  Then we must step up – to what we believe in, and to what we know to be true about ourselves, and what we are capable of.  When an editor rejects a pitch, she shakes it off and moves on to the next idea or editor, undaunted, until an acceptance comes (and it always does!).

I think this philosophy couldn’t be more appropriate for today’s challenges.   In fact, ever since I heard this little story, I can’t help but think…what do I need to shake off today? 

Question of the week:  What needs to be shaken off in your life? And how can you step up to reach your highest and best self this week?

Thank you, Janene, for the inspiration!

Greetings friends.  Given the state of the economy today, women are asking me over and over, “What can I do in my professional life and career to help me deal with what may be coming down the pike for me, including a lay-off?”

While each individual’s situation requires its own evaluation and game plan, it’s critical to take three essential steps that will allow you to thrive through change, not be crushed by it.  For those who’ve read my book, these three steps will be familiar, but they bear repeating here.  They are:

1) Step Back - to gain an empowered perspective

2) Let Go - of thinking, assumptions, and behaviors that hold you back and keep you stuck

3) Say Yes! to yourself, and to knowing that you have the power you need to thrive, and achieve your life visions

How to begin:

1) Step Back to Gain an Expanded, Empowered Perspective

When things around us seem to be falling apart, we can feel out of control.  We often see ourselves as victims of a fickle world, powerless to affect positive change.  However, this is not the case - I believe we are active co-creators of our lives, and that we have much more power to direct our lives than we are aware of. 

How can you connect to that power then?  By gaining a new perspective on what’s happening to and around you.  This suggests that it’s time to stop in your tracks, and take a long, honest look at where you are professionally.  Do you love your job and your career?  Would you be terribly sad to lose it (except for the money it provides)?  Do you feel it’s aligned with who you truly are? 

If the answers to these questions are “No!”, then now’s the time to begin on a path of expanding yourself in ways that make financial, professional, and emotional sense. 

What new training can you embark on now, that would energize and stimulate you?  What new skills can you acquire, or new projects can you embrace at work, that will help you stretch and strengthen, but also allow you to move in new directions that will be more meaningful to you (and therefore more valuable to your employer and your career)? 

If you feel shaky at work because it doesn’t reflect you, then you might indeed be the one who is selected for a layoff.  It happened to me after 9/11.  Outwardly very successful and a strong contributor, I was included in the downsizing, I believe, because this position and company was the worst fit in the world for me… absolutely wrong, and it showed.

So use this time now to take back the reins, and look at your career as something that you can shape, build, and direct.  Step back to realize that you have more power than you think.  Get on a path of aligning yourself with your work.  It will show, and you’ll find greater security (internally and externally) in the knowing that you are, happily and finally, in synch with what you do.

Stay tuned for Steps 2 and 3!

Many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

Greetings. As I’ve been speaking these days about Breakdown, Breakthrough with other authors, I’ve been truly awed by their generosity, openness, and support for this new author.  These open-hearted men and women around the country have given freely of their insights, guidance, and hard-earned lessons from their triumphs and “bumps” (my new favorite word!) in launching successful books and businesses.

I’ve wondered about this gift of connection and collaboration, and how new it feels for me.  I’ve also been quite startled by the feedback I’m receiving at my seminars.  People come up to tell me that they’re deeply moved by my “authenticity.”  When I ask them to elaborate, they share that, in their life and work, they feel surrounded by manipulation and a lack of forthrightness and candor, or sincere caring.  It seems to me that people are suffering today from an epidemic of inauthenticity.  When we encounter real openness in an individual, and experience their heart-felt wish to be of service through honesty and integrity, it’s a shock!  We’re so unused to it that we’re surprised at how inviting and enlivening it feels.

I’ve learned these past months that asking for help is one of the most powerful things I can do (despite my resistance to it).  Being honest about what I don’t know seems to have created a new space or what I call a “breakthrough” circle – a circle that invites in other like-minded individuals who wish to be open, supportive, and caring, simply because it feels so good to do so.

My recommendation is to ask for help today.  Be open about where you feel out of your comfort zone, where you need some guidance and support.  Don’t hold back or “hide.”  Coming forward openly will help you create your own breakthrough circle, right in your own backyard.

Many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

Greetings and welcome to the new Breakdown, Breakthrough Blog! This serves as a forum for discussion, insights, and exploration for all individuals wishing to get unstuck from their current situations, and break through to passion, power, and purpose in life and work.

For readers of my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, please visit my new book site at www.breakdownbreakthrough.com, and use the blog there to share your experiences and insights (triumphs and bumps too!) as you read and use the book, and move through your breakthrough progress. We all can learn so much from you.

I’ve love to share a recent breakthrough of my own. On October 16th, my company Ellia Communications, Inc. won a competition for the CT award from the Make Mine a Million Dollar Business program, sponsored by Count Me In for Women’s Economic Independence (www.countmein.org). Participating in the competition and presenting my 3-minute business pitch to a live audience and a panel of judges (something like “American Idol” meets “The Apprentice”) stretched me in new ways that were previously unimaginable!

This experience confirmed that being a part of an empowering group that believes in your compelling visions (and your ability to make them a reality), can bring you to amazing new heights. If you’re a female small business owner and one of your dreams is to build a million dollar business, don’t wait…join the Count Me In community.

Congratulations to the other three CT winners! They are:

Laura Eiman of Eiman Designs (www.picpads.com)
Kim Orlando, TravelingMom, LLC (www.travelingmom.com)
Karen Hinds, Workplace Success Group (www.workplacesuccess.com)

Check them out! They’re talented and creative women, turning their passions and dreams into million-dollar businesses

Thank you for sharing generously, and wishing you many happy breakthroughs.
Kathy Caprino

Dear Friends:

Lately I’ve had some very charged and stimulating discussions with my female friends about Sarah Palin’s national launch. We’ve been exploring what the media frenzy around Ms. Palin has uncovered in us–about ourselves, our views about women vs. men, and our biases when it comes to supporting women as world leaders.

Several of my colleagues whom I admire and consider brilliant have spoken to me about their conflicted feelings and beliefs about Palin and her fit for high political office. It’s challenged many of us (even we feminists) to scrutinize our feelings about women vs. men, priorities, values, putting the country first over the health of your family/baby, etc.

My friend and I were recently discussing our views about a pregnant Palin’s waiting 20 hours after her water broke so that she could make her political speech then fly home. We were asking ourselves, “Do we want women to put the country first, even over the life of their newborns?” “Do we desire the advancement of women so deeply that we’ll vote for a woman, even when we radically disagree with her views?” And finally, “While many of us are ready individually, are we as a country ready to embrace what it means to have a woman as a top leader? If not, will this move us forward? These are very challenging questions that defy easy or black-and-white answers.

I’d love to hear your views. Do you believe that women in high political office should put the country first, over their own family and children? If you answer “Yes,” will you be accepting of it, and comfortable watching it happen? And finally, do you believe that it’s sexist or appropriate to ask a woman who is running for office a different set of questions (about her family as priority, how will she handle raising the children, etc.) than we would ask a male candidate?

In my work and new book, Breakdown, Breakthrough, I’m urging women to choose for themselves what feels right, to find values that they can honor openly, to determine for themselves what life approaches and directions to take. I’m also suggesting that we get out of the way of others and not judge them for the choices they make. Ultimately, is that asking too much for where we are today? (You can guess how I’d answer that, I’m sure!).

Thank you for sharing your views here. Your openness helps others examine their beliefs, and move forward.

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs,

Kathy

Do you have passion, power, and purpose in your life and work? Are you satisfied with your career and where it’s going?

I’m currently conducting a Career and Life Satisfaction Survey, and would love to hear from you. The survey is fun to take and requires about 10 minutes.

Please click this link to take the survey:
http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07e2bmnvxsfi3ri8xg/start

And feel free to share the link with your friends and colleagues. The more responses we generate, the more representative the results will be.

Responses will be posted on my website, http://www.elliacommunications.com/, as soon as they are available.

Please share your answers to these key questions about your professional life, and how well it meets your needs and fulfills wishes.

Thank you for your help!

Happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

In thinking about your life, have you ever been completely stuck in a situation, not knowing what next step to take? Or have you found yourself ruminating about something, going around and around about it, without finding a way out of your worry, fear, or powerlessness? Are you going through that now?

Several years ago, my friend Trudy Griswold, author of the wonderful guidebook Angelspeake (see www.angelspeake.com), shared with me what she called “three questions of discernment.” These three tiny questions offer a way out of your worry and indecision. Answering these questions honestly and directly will move you forward in powerful ways.

The three questions of discernment are:

- Is this any of my business?
- How important is this anyway?
- When do I have to make this decision?

Is This Any of My Business?

If you’re like me and many of my clients, we spend untold minutes and hours each day thinking and worrying about things that are really none of our business. For instance, we might see someone doing something that we feel is not in their best interest, and we wonder, “Should I tell them what I’m thinking?” Or we might be judging our sibling or neighbor for how they’re behaving with their children. Again, we think, “What’s the best thing for me to do here? Should I speak up?”

Asking the question, “Is this any of my business?” will help you decide. You can take the view that everything is your business, or you can consider that each individual has his or her own path, challenges, preferences, styles, and dreams. Their values and goals may not intersect with yours. Their way of handling problems may not reflect your views. In fact, they may be radically different indeed.

Whatever the case, what’s going on with your friend, sibling, neighbor, colleague, etc. is in fact, not really any of your business, unless it directly impacts you. Then, of course, it is your business, and it’s time to speak up.

I consider it “my business” when the following conditions are present:

- I or my family are being directly affected

- Another person makes it my business, by directly asking me for my help or guidance

- When I believe someone may be doing harm to himself/herself or others, and it’s critical to act on their behalf

- When I know that wanting to be involved in this situation is NOT about stroking my ego or feeding my negative judgments

I love the idea that, “When you experience someone having a problem, be part of the solution.” Speaking up and taking action when it is truly your business represents being part of the solution.

Of course, there are times in life when we wish to be part of a solution to a more global problem that may not seem to directly impact our daily lives (such as contributing to reducing world hunger, joining an organization that assists war-torn communities, etc.) In these cases, I believe it’s most beneficial to contribute personally in the way that activates your energy best, while avoiding blaming and criticizing others for what they are not doing.

How Important Is This Anyway?

This question gets to the heart of the issue of the relative importance of what you’re worried about. Should you be devoting countless minutes to it each day? Is this issue/problem going to make a large impact in your life? Or is it a minor, insignificant issue that really won’t make much difference either way?

Getting clear on the importance of the issue will help you decide consciously how much brain power and emotional energy you should be devoting to it. Give yourself a time limit each day to think about this issue. Stick to the limit, and then move on.

When Do I Have to Make This Decision?

I have found this question to be so powerful that it stops me in my worrying tracks. So often, we fret about a decision that we in fact don’t have sufficient information to make. We will have it, but not yet. So why waste time agonizing over something that is not ready to be decided on?

I remember when I was obtaining my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, I became very concerned about what I would do the minute I graduated. I worried and obsessed about this, months before the event.

Finally, I asked myself, “Do I need to make this decision today, or even this month? Do I have enough information to make a well-informed decision?” The answer was “no” to both. From that minute on, I actively stopped myself from worrying about it. When my mind would go back to it, I’d gently nudge my thoughts away from the issue. When the time came to decide, the right path for me was very clear, and I took it.

Decide the date by which your decision needs to be made. Mark that date in your calendar, and let it go until then.

***********************************************************
Answering these three pivotal questions will help you reclaim your mental and emotional power, and assist you in making decisions that move you forward successfully and consciously. They’ll also release you from being overly-connected to what others are doing. That’s their business. It’s time to get clear about your business, and attend to it in ways that bring you fulfillment, joy, and success.

When I work with individuals wishing to create new marketing materials for their new practice or business, I ask them to take three steps with me in the process of creating powerful messages and materials about who they are and what they offer to the world. Not coincidentally, these are the same three helpful steps I explore in my forthcoming book Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose (Berrett-Koehler, September 2008). These steps help you to navigate through challenge, fear, and inertia, to breakthrough.

These steps are:
- Step Back
- Let Go
- Say Yes!

Stepping Back

The first step is to Step Back to gain a fresh new perspective of where you have been, where you are today, and where you’d like to go. So often, we think about our past and current situation from a perspective of lack — what’s not good enough — rather than accurately assess all the gifts, talents, abilities and skills we’ve honed and amassed throughout our lives.

Stepping Back gives you the opportunity to review and appreciate:
- The full range of skills and talents you’ve developed
- The experiences you’ve personally created with these skills
- The successes and triumphs you’ve achieved
- Your special personality traits that make you you
- The combination of these that makes you unique and particularly helpful to others

I remember two years ago in thinking about the book I wanted to write, a terrific consultant in NYC, Janet Goldstein, who helps authors develop their ideas and businesses, urged me to marry in a holistic way all the skills and talents I loved to use, with where I wanted to go in the future.

For me that involved pulling together my skills in market research, interviewing, marketing, writing, entertaining through voice (speaking/singing), and speaking out about the challenges professional women face. In combining all of these aspects, I found exactly where I needed to go, and how to communicate it.

Fleshing out this information in full detail for yourself will help you gain clarity on where you wish to go — with your business, and your life.

Letting Go

The second step in developing compelling marketing tools and communications is to get clear on what’s holding you back from thinking and growing as big as you’d like.

Are you struggling with identifying a specific niche that gives you passion? Are you wondering if there’s “too much competition” in your field (not probable, in my view)? Do you feel you need more education and training to come forward and be all you’d like to in your line of work?

Are you uncomfortable speaking about yourself in complimentary ways?

If so, get some outside help to research the best steps to take to resolve what holds you back. Once you understand your negative thought process about your business - and move forward to address them - your marketing communications will be more powerful, because they’re authentic - not a stretch of the truth but an accurate, potent representation.

Saying Yes!

Finally, Say Yes! to knowing that you do make a difference to others, and speak confidently about it. Know that you are an expert. Understand the difference you make in people’s lives, and communicate it. Live into it. Offer your services everywhere, give talks, write newsletters and articles. Bring yourself to the market actively. Find new organizations and companies that you would want to partner with, and approach them. Don’t keep yourself a secret.

As you get the word out more and more, you’ll refine your professional message as you refine your professional identity. It will grow and change as you do.

Say Yes! to powerfully bringing yourself forward. You do make a positive difference, and others need to know about it.