A Commitment to Being Inspired

September 2nd, 2010

I realized yesterday that it’s been a month since I’ve posted on my blog, and I wondered on that for a bit.  Folks have advised me to blog on a regular schedule – say, twice a week on Mondays and Fridays.  But I find that approach doesn’t work for me, because I choose to blog about what I really care about – including events or ideas that inspire me, aggravate me, royally piss me off , or move me to tears.  I find I can’t schedule that.

But there is one new thing I’ve decided to commit to scheduling for myself each week, because doing so reminds me of how wonderfully amazing this life on earth truly is.  I’m committing to watching at least one TED.com video a week, and many more if I can.

If you don’t know about it, TED.com is a nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become broader, with two annual conferences — the TED Conference in Long Beach and Palm Springs each spring, and the TEDGlobal conference in Oxford UK each summer — TED includes the award-winning TEDTalks video site, the Open Translation Project and Open TV Project, the inspiring TED Fellows and TEDx programs, and the annual TED Prize.

For me, watching these events and talks energizes me like nothing else, because TED helps me remember — and directly experience — the brilliance, courage and creativity that exists in our world ( fraught as it is with imperfection, pain and challenge).  The TED speakers and contributors are all – to a one – utterly passionate about their work, fantastically gifted in what they do and how they communicate and present their ideas, and entertaining in a way that is riveting and uplifting.

What I’ve learned is that, when I take time each week to disengage from my intense personal focus on my own world, work and community, and look out into and touch a larger global community that is committed to “making our future” rather than simply “seeing our future,” I’m reminded again of what’s truly important to me. 

So if fabulous, expansive and beautiful ideas enliven you, I encourage you to check out TED.com, and the recent independent TEDx event held in Kansas City.  In particular, I loved Dr. Brene Brown’s talk on “vulnerability” – funny, touching, and informative – reminding us that when we “numb” our negative fears and emotions, we can’t help but numb all of our emotions – including love, compassion, and joy, and that being afraid of being vulnerable means being afraid to live.

Check out Brene’s talk out here, and see the whole TEDx Kansas City event here.

I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts – which of these talks stimulated you the most?  What inspires you at the highest level, in life and work?  And are you committed to experiencing and touching on a regular basis new people and new ideas that truly uplift and “uplife” you. 

Life is so good – we need to find our own ways to remember that, each day and week.

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7 Signs You’re In Denial About Your Money Situation

July 21st, 2010

In the past year, I’ve spoken and worked directly with hundreds of women entrepreneurs, executives, consultants and small business owners who are, as I was at one time, in complete denial about their money situation.  They know they’re not earning nearly enough or they’re spending too much, and money is slipping through their hands, but that’s as far as their recognition of the problem goes. 

In short, their heads are deep in the sand about their money relationship.  They’re working hard to ignore the obvious – the inevitable misery that will come unless they change directions, and fast.

How can you tell if you’re in denial about your money situation? 

Here are 7 glaring signs that you’re in money trouble:

1.    You can’t pay your monthly mortgage or your rent without tapping into savings, retirement, home equity loans or other funds.

2.   You are using your credit cards each month to buy essentials such as food, clothes, and gas.

3.   Your small business, consultancy or private practice is losing money each and every month, and despite your valiant efforts, nothing you do is changing that fact.

4.    All the ways you’ve made money in the past don’t work now.

5.    You don’t have a Plan B in the event your Plan A fails, and you don’t have the necessary benchmarks and signposts to tell you it’s time to change course.

6.   You’re hanging on by a thread to your “Build it and They Will Come” mentality, but they’re not coming.

7.  Someone you love and respect has been telling you over and over that you’re in denial and things must change, but you’ve ignored them or argued against them bitterly

Do any of the above sound like your situation?  If so, PLEASE act now. Don’t wait another day.  Your money situation simply will not improve unless you do things very differently, starting today.

What should you do differently?

I’ve just read a terrific book called Life! by Design (highly recommended) by Tom Ferry– a well-known success coach and motivational leader — and he outlines 6 steps to changing your life and “living by design” which I think apply perfectly to changing your money situation.  These are steps I explore with all my clients as well.

These six vital steps are:

1.         Wake up from your coma – be aware of the key areas in your life that need attention today

2.         Make the choice to change your life

3.         Create your life by Design

4.         Do the things that bring you power

5.         Practice visualizing yourself already there, in possession of what you want

6.         Create structure and accountability by telling others around you about your plans and goals

I know from experience that in order for your money situation to change you must wake up to the severity of it, and commit to changing your situation by taking new empowered actions that will change your course.  To do things differently, you need a new, fresh perspective that includes concrete, practical, and effective support, know-how, and help.

And yes, you can do this, despite the negative stories you’ve told yourself that you don’t have what it takes.  I know you do have what it takes to revise your money situation — you wouldn’t be reading this information if you didn’t have access to the necessary resources, courage, faith and resolve to make this important life change.  The energy of money is pervasive in our culture – there’s no escaping it.  In this lifetime, you’re being called to empower yourself so that money will flow in your life, and support you as you flow with it.

The problem of money breakdown in women is so enormous today that I’ve committed myself to be an active part of the solution.  I’m excited to share that I’m launching this Fall a new marketing and communications consultancy branch to my business Ellia Communications, designed to help women entrepreneurs, executives, consultants and private practitioners step up to their highest visions in their work by find the right marketing, communications, and business planning strategies to support their empowered goals.  Stay tuned for more on that!

In the meantime, come for a specialized reading about your financial situation as it pertains to your career, small business or practice.  Call me for a Private Career Consultation.  I’ll help you see where you’re blocked around money, and support you to begin taking new steps that will release you from your financial traps.  Also, check out my book Breakdown Breakthrough, Chapter 10: Escaping Financial Traps (or write me at kathy@elliacommunications.com for a free chapter download). 

I’d love nothing better than to help you emerge from your financial woes so you can be all you wish to be in this life and in your work.

You’re ready for this new step, and so is your life!

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If You’re Looking for Free Consulting, Don’t Ask Me

July 16th, 2010

 

Today I read a great blog post by Peter Shankman – a well-known entrepreneur, author, speaker, and “worldwide connector,” about his recent tweet that said this:

I love this message, and I completely understand where Peter is coming from.  I also love that Peter commands $400 an hour, and is not ashamed to state it openly.

Scores of folks agreed with Peter – more than 100 people retweeted his message, supporting it with gusto.  But at least one woman REALLY didn’t like what she read.  In her blog post about it, she indicated that she thought Peter had grown too big for his britches with his “internet fame” and that he was, in fact, arrogant and rude to tweet this. 

After reading Peter’s blog response to her and hers back, I’m still not 100% clear what she thought was rude and arrogant.  But I think it’s about 1) his stating that he won’t help folks for free, and 2) that he commands $400 an hour (much more than what many people can charge and what many people can pay) and wasn’t shy to express that.

Peter’s blog response clarified his thoughts on the whole matter, and after reading his message, I liked him even more!

So here are my two cents on this issue:

1) I have been inundated this past year with requests – from organizations, individuals, agencies, women’s groups and colleagues — for all types of FREE coaching and consulting help, and frankly, I’m tired of it. 

2) Bravo to Peter Shankman for charging $400/hour, and having clients clamor for him, and pay that fee happily, because they feel he’s worth it

3) Bravo to Peter for telling it like it is for him, out loud and proud

4) For those who are uncomfortable with that, I’d suggest taking a deep look inside to identify exactly what makes you squeamish about it.  I’d guess it has do with that fact that 1) you don’t command those fees and can’t imagine doing so, or 2) you’re asking all sorts of people for free help without offering anything in return, or 3) you’re giving all sorts of free help, and you’re tired of it, or 4) you’re uncomfortable in the presence of people who know their worth and aren’t hesitant to shout it from the rooftops. 

Today was a turning point for me on this issue.  I’ve decided (after one final straw that really got my goat) that this is my last day of giving my time away free for my consulting or coaching.  I’m done with it!  My services, my time, my insights, my approach, my talents  – they’ve all come hard-earned after years of training, hard work, research, and dedication, and I’m done with devaluing them by giving them away for free.  Of course, I’ll continue as I always have contributing pro bono work to the community as I choose to, where I choose to — to special agencies and groups that empower women and support those in need and who are disadvantaged.

But in my private practice, I’m committed to being vigilant about maintaining a healthy pricing discipline (very hard for women to do, in general, I’ve found).  After all, you don’t walk into a car dealership wanting a shiny new car and ask to pay nothing for it, do you?  And you don’t go to your dermatologist and say, “Hey, can I pick your brain FOR FREE about this terrible itchy rash I have?” 

OK, folks, it’s time we stop asking for free handouts.  Whatever you want to call it — “pick your brain,” “get your insights,” “obtain your feedback” — if you’re asking me to use my consulting and coaching skills to help your business and your career, I’m respectfully asking for what I believe is only fair and just – to be paid what I deserve for helping you make the significant positive changes you want most in your life, work, and your business. 

I’m sure this will stir up many thoughts and feelings in my readers and community.  I’d LOVE to hear them all!  Please share freely.  Let it rip.  That’s what makes a good horse race, as my mother used to say.

Thanks for sharing openly below.  I’m looking forward to reading each of your comments and hearing your diverse views.

And here’s to empowering you to up your daily dose of pricing discipline as well.

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How Career Coaching Gets It Wrong: Tips for Choosing a Career Coach Who Won’t Waste Your Money

July 8th, 2010

What are the easiest ways to spot an ineffective career coach who won’t be helpful in moving you forward?

This week I heard from a lovely woman in another state who shared with me a story about a career coach she hired this year.  This coach, in the end, was of no help at all.  I have to say, if I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it one hundred times.

The coach had her take a battery of expensive assessment tests, and the results showed that she was in the perfect job for herself.  The problem is, she’s very unhappy in this profession of 30 years, and wants out (for a variety of well-founded reasons).  He also told her that due to her age (she’s in late midlife), she’ll have a hard time reinventing and finding a new job.  Wow, thanks a lot for the motivation and inspiration, sir!  While it’s certainly true that reinventing in midlife has it deep challenges (I should know), where there’s a will, there’s a way.

I experienced a similar thing 10 years ago with a career counselor I hired.  At 40 years old, I felt sick, miserable, and depressed at my current line of work and job, which was marketing and product management for a leading membership services organization.  I had been in membership services for years, and lost all interest in it. I deeply longed for a new career direction, but couldn’t figure out what to do.

After hundreds of dollars, several meetings, and a series of standardized assessment tests, the career counselor said, “Well, looks like your current job is perfect for you and meets all your needs.” 

Are you kidding???  If it met all my needs, why do I want to poke my eye out with a stick!  Why do I hate it so much, and why am I “breaking down” from the stress, exhaustion, crushing competition, and lack of connection to my work?

The reason he arrived at the conclusion that my job was right for me involved his constricted perspective – an inability to think expansively about his client’s potential and capabilities.  He was looking only at the person I projected at that moment, and taking into account my outwardly-stated needs, skills, and priorities, without looking at my potential.  It’s understandable that I — the client — would have a limited perspective – after all, that’s natural to feel limited and blocked when we’re stuck in a negative situation.  But for the career coach to be stuck with me in this limited view?  That’s just bad coaching.

What I needed was a breakthrough – a “paradigm shift” that would allow me to see how much more I was capable of than my current views and experiences allowed.

How did the coaching process go wrong? 

The career coach and assessment tests I took identified my professional needs and talents as:

Wanting flexibility, family time, high pay
Avoiding extensive travel
Utilizing my well-honed marketing skills
Writing, copywriting, editing
Generating ideas and implementing new marketing strategies
Being creative – developing new products and enhancements
Leading/managing others successfully
Managing projects and budgets
Building client relationships
Nurturing ideas to fruition
Re-engineering and streamlining processes for greater efficacy

The thing he missed was that, while I was indeed tapping into various talents and skills I possess, I was pointing them in the wrong direction!  The work I was focused on felt absolutely meaningless to me – or worse – harmful to the community and world.  To me, what we were selling lacked any contributive value.  The sole point of my job was to sell membership services and to make money – regardless of whether these services were truly needed or beneficial in people’s lives.

My career coach missed the most important aspect of what I wanted in my working life – to feel good about what I’m doing!

This coach also missed exploring three vital dimensions to a joyful and successful life and career:

- Standards of integrity – HOW you want to live and work – the process of living, not just the content of it  (check out Maria Nemeth’s book The Energy of Money for more about this!)

- Life intentions – WHAT you want to create and give in my life, when all is said and done

- Life purpose – THE UNIQUE PURPOSE of your life on this planet at this time

Career coaches who don’t touch on the above aren’t going to be successful for you. They disregard the most important dimensions of your career. 

My view is this – we did not come here on this planet at this time SIMPLY to pay the mortgage.  Yes, we must pay our bills, and handle our finances responsibly and accountably, but each of us is much more than a bank account.  We have talents, needs, perspectives, experiences, longings and gifts that coalesce into a special amalgam – the essence of you and what you want to give through your professional identity and endeavors.

So the next time you are looking for a career coach, please do me a favor…check out exactly what he/she will be helping you achieve – is it a new job that fits outwardly but leaves you feeling cold and depressed?  Or is it a career/job that you can sink your teeth into, that brings you passion, power, and purpose, and lets you connect with the most expansive version of yourself, each and every day?

And don’t let a career coach work on your resume and social media profiles WITHOUT knowing who you really are on the inside, and what you care to give and be in the world.  If you create a new resume and direction without understanding and honoring the essence of you, you’ll waste precious time and money.  Trust me on this one!

Share your stories!
I’d LOVE to hear from you about this issue.  Have you also had disappointing experiences with career coaches?  If so, what did they miss or how did they steer you wrong?  And on the contrary, have you had great experiences with a career coach?  Please comment here about what you’ve learned, so others can benefit from your experiences! Thanks SO much for your feedback.

Here’s to a breakthrough this summer that brings you to the professional life you long for!

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The Four Myths Women Believe about Self-Promotion

June 30th, 2010

I just read a terrific article on Forbes.com regarding “The Four Myths of Self-Promotion,” by Kelly Watson.  Here’s the link:

 http://www.forbes.com/2010/06/29/marketing-promotion-small-business-owners-forbes-woman-entrepreneurs-careers-passion.html

 I couldn’t agree more with Kelly.  Further, I’ve unwittingly held myself back over the years because of my own adherence to these myths – namely:

 1) Self-promotion will make me look like I’m bragging

 2) If I’m good enough, people will hear about it (The ole “Build It and They Will Come” falsehood)

 3) Others should talk about my achievements and my value, not me

 4) It won’t make a difference anyway – people have made up their minds already

 None of the above is true, and overcoming these myths will move you forward in your professional life exponentially. 

 If any of the above resonate with you, take another read of Kelly’s article, and do the following:

 1) Make a list of the reasons why you stand out in your field – your talents, skills, background, expertise, training, and vision.  Understand how you are special and the unique ways you are of tremendous service to your workplace, community, and customers or clients, because of who you are.

 2) Go on LinkedIn and complete your profile to the 100% level.  Then send a LinkedIn request for a recommendation to 20 people you know well and trust.  You’ll be amazed at what they say, and it will empower you to hear their praise, and to have had the courage to ask.  Then incorporate their praise into your bio, social media profiles and resume, and in how you talk about yourself.

 3) Examine your marketing strategies – you can ramp up your success significantly when you 1) get clear about how you stand apart from the competition, 2) identify in specific terms the next level of success you want in your career, and 3) create a S.M.A.R.T plan to get out there and articulate your special accomplishments and abilities to your work community, peers, colleagues, etc. 

 Which of the above myths holds you back the most and what can you do to release it?  I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts.  Thanks as always for sharing!

 As Kelly states, it’s definitely time to toot your own horn!

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12 Blocks to a Joyful Life: What to Let Go of to Reach Your Happiest Life

June 28th, 2010

As I deliver my coaching and professional development programs to women around the country, I continue to observe a fascinating phenomenon: thousands of women are in emotional pain about their lives and careers, but the vast majority will only make change when the pain becomes intolerable. 

We seem to cognitively understand that we want so much more from our lives and careers, but don’t muster the courage and commitment necessary to create a breakthrough, or a “paradigm shift” (as I like to call it), until we experience a true “breakdown” moment or a resounding wake-up call. 

But we don’t need a wake-up call to tell us change is required!  There are signs all along the way.

Please…take action earlier than your breakdown moment– make continual adjustments when you get a sign that change is necessary.  And make minor modifications each and every day, as an integrated process of living.

If you could decide earlier rather than later that, “Today’s is the day I want change,” then joy and fulfillment will be within your reach much sooner, with a lot less struggle.

What blocks you from saying, “OK, I’m ready for change and for full-out joy!” 

My research with Women Succeeding Abundantly has taught me that there are 12 common blocks to great joy and success, and until we’re ready to address and overcome these blocks, we remain stuck in a life situation that is definitely less than our best and happiest life – and much less than our full potential.

The 12 common blocks to joy and success are as follows: (listed below are the blocks, and how we rationalize them to ourselves):

1.         Fear of the unknown – “What’s out there if I leave this behind?”

2.         Insecurity – “I can’t do this!”

3.         Pessimism – “It won’t work out for me.”

4.         Self-reproach – “I’m a failure.”

5.         Energy leaks – “I don’t have the energy (or time, money, support, etc.) for this.”

6.         Connection to struggle – “I don’t feel joy very often, so why should I try to achieve it?”

7.         Diminished self-worth – “I don’t deserve great things.”

 8.         Faulty conditioning – “Life is supposed to be unfulfilling and hard.”

9.         Diffuse boundaries – “I need to please everyone else before myself.”

10.        Confusion paralysis – “Where do I start?”

11.        Commitment fatigue – “I tried, but it didn’t work.”

12.        Higher-Self Disconnect – “This is all there is – there is no greater purpose or meaning to life.”

Read through this list again.  Do any of these blocks resonate with you?  If so, today is your lucky day!  You’ve just averted a breakdown experience because you realize that you want to embrace positive change in your life, and you understand that today is the best day to start.

If any of these sound familiar, take this step today – Call a friend you love and trust and tell him/her that you’ve just realized that you may have a real block to experiencing more joy and success, and you want to do something about it.  Ask them to help you become accountable to overcome this block starting today, and ask if they could be your mentor to do it.  Then brainstorm together one action you can take to move away from being blocked in this area. 

For instance, if you want a new career direction but are afraid of the unknown, do some online research and interview people who are in this new field you’re interested in, and get more familiar with what’s involved to pursue it. 

Or if you feel you don’t have the energy for change, commit to bringing forward one new activity in your life that will give you great joy and energy, and in turn, say “no” to doing that something you do that always drains you.

Overcoming blocks like the ones above takes: 1) awareness, 2) commitment, and 3) empowered action.   You can do it!

Please share your feedback – I’d love to hear which of the blocks above resonates with you most, and what one step you brainstormed with your friend to take to get you moving towards joy.

Thanks SO much for sharing!

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5 Reasons You’re Miserable at Work and What to Do about It

June 22nd, 2010

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the “5 Reasons You’re Miserable at Work and What To Do About It,” based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.  More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, “I’m unhappy at work, but I’m not sure exactly why or what to do about it!”

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don’t worry. Help is on the way!  And you’re definitely not alone.

Below are what I’ve found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons many women are miserable at work are –

They find it impossible to balance work and family

  1. They suffer from chronic financial distress
  2. They struggle using skills and talents that aren’t “natural” to them
  3. They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
  4. They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today (and feel free to write me at kathy@elliacommunications.com if you’d like a download of the recording of the call).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it.  How?  First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life.  What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about — that matter more than anything else?  Formulate these in terms of “to be” statements such as “to be a loving mother or “to be a successful entrepreneur” or “to be a helper of others.”

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on.  Then commit yourself to these.  Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of doing too much and being perfect in the areas that don’t matter as much to you.  Once you take these steps, you’ll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth.  First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it.  Examine your spending – are you buying things in order to soothe your soul?  If so, stop over-spending.  Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family.  Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don’t have?  Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices.  Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy.  You’ll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural - 

It’s vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work.  To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment.  Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again!  Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there.  What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised?  You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you’re great at a task or endeavor at work doesn’t mean you like to do it!  The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you’re chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect.  How do you gain self-respect?  Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem – action that you know you should be taking, but haven’t found the nerve to take.  Now’s the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what’s important to you.  Make yourself right, not wrong.  If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible.  Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint.  Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won’t. 

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It’s a myth in our culture that we can’t make good money doing what we love.  However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially.  If you want more joy and meaning — and financial success at the same time — determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward.  The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy.  To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research – interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to “try it on’ before you leap.  You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn’t for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis.  If that’s the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor. 

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) “try it on” as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you’d like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome – Joy!

It’s up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it!  Start today.  Let the top five reasons you’re miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life.  Trust me on this one…when you step up to a path of building a career you love, you’ll expand to new heights you never thought possible.

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The Bitter and the Sweet of 50

June 2nd, 2010

Today, I’m 50.

While I certainly saw it coming – for months and years, of course – there’s nothing quite like waking up to the fact.  (Those of you who are 50 know what I mean – those who aren’t, you’ll see!).  50 may be the new 30, but there is no denying that there are 50 years of experience – joys, pain, disappointments, triumphs and hard-earned living — behind these eyeballs, ya know?

For my private celebration, I went to the beach (my favorite place on earth) and plunked down on the freshly-combed sand to spend a little “me-time.”  I pulled out my shiny new iPhone (thanks, honey!) to listen to some tunes, and this is what I heard delicately wafting through my ear buds:

“I tasted, tasted love so sweet…

I kept falling over

I kept looking backward

I went broke believing

That the simple should be hard

All we are we are

All we are we are

And every day’s the start of something

beautiful

And in the end words won’t matter

‘cause in the end nothing stays the same

And in the end dreams just scatter and

fall like rain…”

(from All We Are, Matt Nathanson)

I really like that.  Sums it up well, don’t you think? 

I’ve found that the dreams of our lives do scatter – blowing in the wind like the gossamer seeds of fading dandelions.  But that doesn’t mean we should stop having our dreams.  Never.  (Why? Because our dreams catapult us forward to where the stretching is – so we can truly become all we long to be.) 

For me, 50 is bittersweet.  It’s brought with it: 

  • A deep, soul-felt gratitude for the blessings that are my family and friends
  • An acceptance that where I am is exactly right, even though it’s certainly not where I thought I’d be 
  • A multitude of dreams born and dashed, then born again.
  • A feeling of being comforted, loved and seen, even when I’m all alone 
  • A continual opportunity to forgive and accept myself in the face of my gigantic blunders and missteps 
  • Knowing that treasuring the very small things in life makes the very big difference between joy and suffering 
  • Recognizing that life is perfect imperfection – a cleverly-designed journey that inspires, pushes, stretches, dash hopes, build dreams, and dangles the Carrot – only to offer a shiny new one to tempt, the minute the previous one is snatched
  • And – finally, 50 has unlocked in me a readiness to be who I really am.

So, Happy Birthday to me – and to you.  Bring on the bitterness and the sweet!  I’m already noticing that 50 brings with it new visions and startling revelations.  I’m ready.  And may there be many, many happy returns for all of us.

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What 30 Days On Twitter Taught Me

May 27th, 2010

On April 26, I embarked on a 30-day Twitter Experiment, with an open heart and mind, excited to see what focusing intently on connecting through social media might bring.

 It was a wild 30 days, and it did bring with some amazing opportunities, as well as some new insights.

Here’s what I learned:

1) Real connection can’t be faked, bought, or sold.  If you connect to people from your heart, then benefits abound.  If you just “talk the talk” without authentic intention, however, it reveals itself quickly.

2) If you’re on the lookout for great things, great things come.  In these past thirty days, I’ve received requests for two radio interviews, a potential TV opportunity, several speaking gigs in Peru, great new participants in my Women Succeeding Abundantly research, two amazing new clients, and the list goes on.  These opportunities are not necessarily directly related to my being involved on Twitter more, but it’s all connected to putting yourself out there.

3)  When you’re clear about what you’re doing and what you want to come to you, you’re better able to filter out the noise and the unwanted (and there’s a lot of that too!).

4) The more you share, the more feedback you get, so you need strong boundaries that allow you to connect continually with who you really are, in the midst of lots of new energy.

5) It’s a heck of a lot more fun to be in community than to be alone (when you like your community!). 

6) If you think there’s not enough to go around (of anything – help, advice, support, friends, creativity, opportunities, work, gigs, money, etc.), it’s time to think again, and make some changes in your life.

7) The need to be very concise (140 characters!) about what’s happening in your life is a terrific challenge, and a great gift.  It makes you efficient at articulating only the meat.

 8) And finally, it’s a friendly universe – yes, struggles and pain are everywhere, but I’ve found that it’s a loving, compassionate and supportive universe, when you commit to seeing it that way.

I’d highly recommend doing your own 30-Day Twitter experiment, and sharing the results with your community.  Please let me know when you do it – I’d love to follow and learn from you!

Here’s to connection and community!

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Why is Career Change So Challenging?

May 18th, 2010

In preparing to launch my new summer Career Change teleseminar program – Change Your Career—Change Your Life!, I’ve been thinking about why it’s so hard for many midlife women to find — and maintain — a joyful and successful career, and why it’s so challenging to shift out of one career into another, to a more fulfilling path.

In my personal experience, there were some very heavy blocks that kept me from realizing with clarity and confidence that I wanted out of my corporate marketing career, and from taking forward-moving action to get out.

My blocks were:

1) Time – I had invested so much time in building a marketing career (18 years, in fact), that it seemed ludicrous to “throw it all away.”

2) Ego – My ego told me that I had worked so hard to achieve a powerful position in the corporate hierarchy (in my last corporate position, I was a Vice President), that I didn’t want to step back and be a beginner again, and lose so much ground

3) Confusion – If I were to chuck this professional identity, what would I do instead?  Despite years of trying to answer this question, I couldn’t figure out.  Sure, I fantasized about being in the film industry or doing something exciting and glamorous – but what did I really want to do?  What would I do if I won the lottery?  I couldn’t find a new path that made sense.

4) Money – I earned a lot, and believed I needed every cent of that to provide myself and my family the living we needed and wanted.

5) Going against the pack – Most people in our lives want us to do the safe, reasonable and secure thing.  They don’t want us to suffer, or to lose everything.  So they tell us – strongly and loudly – to play it safe. 

6) The unknown – finally, I didn’t want to change because I wanted what I had to work out for me, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Truthfully, I was scared to death to leap into the unknown.

Now, eight years into my career reinvention, I see things differently.  I can say that none of the reasons above are sufficient to keep you stuck in a career you hate.  Loosen the vice-like grip these fears have on your life, your soul, your mind, and your livelihood, and you’ll find the courage and energy to begin to change your career, and change your life.

So here’s a new way to look at the challenges above:

TIME:

Every minute you DON’T make the changes you long for, is a minute you spend holding yourself back from the growth and expansion that you know – deep down – that you need and want.  Also, after revising your career to something you like better, you’ll find that you will use fully and joyfully each and every heart-felt talent and skill that you worked so hard to develop in the past.

EGO:

Achievements are – in the end — meaningless if they don’t resonate with your heart and soul.  Don’t let your ego lead you around by the nose.  If it does, you’ll find that your hard-won recognition and achievement will leave you feeling empty and sad.

CONFUSION:

Yes, it’s hard to sort out the “sounds-great!” career change ideas from those that will really make you happy.  It’s hard, but not impossible.  Find some great coaching and mentoring help today to do it.  Get unconfused.

MONEY:

We all want and need money.  The question is – how much do you truly need to make to be happy, fulfilled, and enjoy your life?  And what is your relationship with money – is it healthy and balanced, or are you a slave to it, addicted to having “things” surround you, because in fact, you feel depleted and joyless?

THE PACK:

The pack mentality is a fear-based, group think that doesn’t support innovation, individuality, and risk.  So which type of person do you want to be– a pack-like follower, or a cutting-edge thinker and leader?

THE UNKNOWN:

Here’s a fascinating truth– it’s ALL unknown, folks.  If you think you’ve got it figured out, and that what you carved out for yourself is going to be constant and unchanging, please do think again.  Life is change.  The universe WILL deliver to you continual opportunities for you to experience your own adaptability and resilience.  So, what would you rather do – embrace your resilience and proactively find a new path now that brings you joy, or do nothing, and let life foist change on you?

If you truly want a career change, I hope you’ll begin on a path today to making it happen.  Help is all around you!

I’d love to know what holds you back MOST from taking action to change your career, and what you need specifically to help you move forward? 

Please share your comments below – I LOVE your input (and it will help me deliver a fantastically powerful career-change program this summer)! 

Thank you!

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Careers, Challenges, Empowerment, Following Your Dreams, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, Living Real, Support for Change, Women in Business, Yes I Can Thinking, success | Email This Post | Print This Post | 1 views | No Comments »

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