Kathy and beloved daughter Julia in Cape Cod

Happy Mother’s Day (for those who celebrate it today)!   

Mother’s Day for many is a time of honoring and appreciating our mothers and what they have done for and given to us.   

I think it’s a fabulous time too to appreciate how we have mothered our own lives; how we have nurtured, cared for and brought our own selves into being.

So often we focus on what isn’t going well, or how we are flawed as individuals and parents, and we rarely hug ourselves and say “Job well done!”  When we do allow in some praise, it’s usually because others have given us recognition for something outward we’ve done. 

Today, I’d love us to support a new tradition of being grateful for ourselves just as we are, flaws, foibles, and all.

Here’s an inner affirmation that I find helpful to say:

“I am a loving and nurturing mother to myself and others.  I always do the best I can.  I am aware of my gaps and dedicate myself to my continued growth.  I am growing in my love and acceptance of myself and others each day.”

Don’t beat yourself up for what you aren’t.  Let your light shine through – you ARE without a doubt special, important and valuable in this world.

So in honor of Mother’s Day, embrace your power to create positive change in the world – and lovingly “mother” yourself and your life by:

• Committing to positive growth in your life, each day
• Watching over your ideas and your endeavors with love and care
• Protecting yourself and your visions from those who criticize and tear you down, and who would keep you smaller than you wish to be
• Birthing your BIG dreams – launching yourself in a bigger way into the world
• Nourishing yourself – nurturing your physical and emotional well-being

Take today to honor not only your beloved mother and all those who have nurtured your spirit, soul and creative endeavors, but also yourself.  Give yourself the same amount of love and care that you lavish on others. 

Thank you for reading and sharing, and being part of my community. I’m so appreciative!

Happy Mother’s Day with love.

As I move forward in my rebranding process and begin to articulate more clearly what I do in my coaching and consulting, I’ve realized that a majority of my work is focused on helping women understand with complete clarity what their BIG dream is, distill it down to the right essence, then birth it successfully and efficiently in a way that aligns with their passions, values, needs and wants.

The dreams I’ve helped women bring into being in the past 10 years come in all flavors, shapes and sizes, including:

• Moving from a crushing HR corporate role to building a thriving new landscape design business
• Stepping up with more leadership power, authority and self-confidence to run a global division of her company
• Separating from an addictive, abusive relationship to a supporting, loving environment and a meaningful job
• Making three times more money doing the coaching work she absolutely adores (monetizing and leveraging her important messages and content)
• Relocating to another country with her family to experience a great, new adventure
• Reclaiming her passion for dancing and movement, and exploring starting a yoga studio
• Honoring her longings to become a professional writer, and beginning blogging and writing
• Emerging from a crippling divorce and no recent work experience to running a thriving private practice
• Leaving a Fortune 100 senior level role to participate in a small startup making a huge difference
• Radically improving her family’s life by picking up and moving across the country to pursue a healthier, more down-to-earth lifestyle

So, how do we birth big dreams successfully?

The reality is that most of us aren’t ready for our dreams to come true today – we need to expand, power up and grow stronger in order  to hold and emanate the vast amount of energy required to live our dreams.  To live the lives we dream of, most of us need stronger boundaries, more direct communication, increased self-confidence through aligned action, a deeper understanding of who we want to serve (and who we need to walk away from), and a staunch commitment to building supportive relationships that will nurture and accelerate our growth.

I’ve learned a great deal about dreaming big and bringing these visions successfully into the three dimensional world through my own dreaming/reinvention journey (and some huge missteps) and from helping hundreds of others.  From these experiences, I’ve found there are 5 key steps to birthing big dreams successfully:

1. Understand who you really are, uniquely

You can’t dream BIG and live out your dreams if you don’t understand your own value, importance, and talents.  Most women I work with grossly underestimate what they have to offer the world. And most folks think their dream is thousands of light years away and utterly outlandish, when in actuality it’s only a number of critical steps away.  

You need to step back a bit and unplug from the negative chatter and crushing bustle of your life to gain an empowered perspective of who you really are, and to make fuller use of the talents and strengths you possess.  Whatever you think you have to offer, I’m relatively sure that it’s one thousand times bigger and more important to the world than you think it is.  (Take my FREE Career Path Self-Assessment to get your juices flowing about what you have to offer the world, and how to move forward with that new knowledge.)

2. Close your “power gaps” (and we all have some) to overcome the obstacles in the way of your success

When I say “power gaps,” I’m referring to the areas in your life where you feel “less then,” unworthy, vulnerable, insecure, shameful, or inferior.  We all have these gaps.  Some feel insecure about how they parent.  Others lack confidence in their communication ability or their leadership strength.  For others still, there’s a feeling they’re just not smart or clever enough to do what they long to, and they fear they’ll fail at anything they try. For yet others, their shyness keeps them hiding their light under a bushel.

These are all power gaps – areas that are calling out for an intervention and infusion of strength and courage.  To close your power gaps, first identify the ONE area today that makes you feel most insecure and weak, and do something about it to build your strength.  (Check out my Amazing Career Project video training course to help you with this strengthening process).

3. Identify the “essence” of what you want, then find the right “form” that will perfectly match your needs, values, and goals.  

So many women today are desperately unhappy in their current situations, and fantasize intensively about one new direction thinking it will be the panacea, but haven’t explored this direction enough to know if it’s really right for them.  We’ve all fallen victim to the “grass is always greener on the other side” myth, but until we step over the fence to “try on” the new direction, we just can’t know.  Before you leap, research, research, research what this new direction means and entails, and what it will give you (and the sacrifices it will demand of you) to pursue it.  Avoid the dreaded “Pendulum Effect” – running to the opposite ends of the earth from what you have today because you’ve waited too long to address the pain of your current situation.  The key is to find the right “form” of the dream so that when you achieve it, it fits just right.

4. Connect your dots

As the inspiring Steve Jobs explores in his compelling Stanford commencement speech years ago, if you follow what excites and enlivens you, and continue to do this throughout your life and career, the dots will eventually connect.  You’ll find yourself in a situation where you’re using everything exciting and important you’ve ever learned, and you’ll apply it in ways that matter to you, in service to others and the world.  But this is true only if you continually ask yourself, “What do I long to be doing?” and listen to the answers.  If you honor in some meaningful way your longings of how you wish to be of service in the world, the dots will indeed connect.  The happiest, most successful people today have found a way to honor all key dimensions of themselves — their personality, values, needs, standards of integrity, vision, and talents – and nothing is wasted. 

5. Build a support structure to help you expand enough to be ready to live this dream

Finally, big dreams don’t thrive in a vacuum, without being supported, fanned, and bolstered.  And you can’t fertilize your dreams sufficiently all by yourself.  You need loving ambassadors, mentors, sponsors, and supporters who believe in you, and who see the future vision of you before it’s hatched.  These supporters know how to keep you true to your dream even when you’re so afraid that all you want to do is run.

To launch your big dream into the world as a healthy baby ready to thrive, you need a “village” to support you, and it.

So what is your BIG dream? What do you long for, but feel ashamed or foolish to say out loud?

That’s the dream I hope you go for in some key way today.  Despite what the negative naysayers advise, those who know how to dream big and bring those dreams into existence are those who make their marks on the world and change it for the better.

(For some empowering help to bring your BIG dream into being, don’t hesitate to reach out for support and take advantage of my FREE monthly coaching calls!)

Courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Right now, I’m undergoing a fascinating unearthing process with my branding consultant — the amazingly talented Jayme Johnson of Worthy Marketing Group — as I develop and hone the content for a new website and several new projects and business models I’m creating in the coming months.

I’m deeply excited about this process and the outcomes that are emerging.  I do this type of work often with my own clients, but having a gifted branding partner for my own business is so stimulating and eye-opening.  I’m finding that this hard excavation work of determining exactly what I LOVE to do with clients (versus what I don’t like or feel bored by), has helped me feel stronger, clearer and ready to be more of service in ways that reflect my true essence and strengths.

What’s been fascinating too has been to explore my own thoughts about personal and professional “power” and the importance of it to live a happy, fulfilled and rewarding life.  As I read the thought-provoking book The Art of Power, by the renowned Vietnamese Buddhist Zen master, poet, scholar and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh, I realize I feel exactly as he does about power:

“Our society is founded on a very limited definition of power, namely wealth, professional success, fame, physical strength, military might and political control.  My dear friends, I suggest that there is another kind of power, a greater power: the power to be happy right in the present moment, free from addiction, fear, despair, discrimination, anger, and ignorance.  This power is the birthright of every human being whether celebrated or unknown, rich or poor, strong or weak.  Let’s explore this exact kind of power…”

I believe that personal and professional power comes from tapping the deepest well of all that you are, and fully owning that – not fearing it, distorting it, suppressing or resisting it, or misusing it, but embracing it to become more of yourself, so that you can be of the highest degree of service to your own life and to others and the world.  I’ve found that I have an uncanny knack for “seeing” in just a few minutes a woman’s “power gaps,” and I help clients see how the pain from their past has created an impediment to their power.  From that exploration, we move on to uncovering the very essence of who they are, which reveals why their role and function in the world – no matter how big or how small – is so important, if they would only stop resisting it.

Why is “power” so important to a well-lived and joyful life?  Only through accessing your fullest personal and professional power can you do the following:

1. Create healthy, appropriate boundaries to protect yourself from damage and hurt
2. Be of full service to others, your community and your world as you dream to and as is necessary
3. Build relationships that nurture, nourish, strengthen, and support you
4. Embrace and learn from positive critique and from life’s important lessons
5. Feel deep compassion, empathy and concern for others, which allows you to feel it for yourself
6. Keep from wasting precious time, energy, and resources on endeavors, relationships, and initiatives that you’re not meant to pursue
7. Avoid having painful unfinished business and regrets during your life and at the end of it
8. Speak up and ask for what you need, deserve and want
9. Help others in their amazing pursuits that bring about tremendously positive outcomes
10. Change the world

I believe that almost everyone on this planet has “power gaps.” The vast majority of us are not accessing to the fullest degree possible our true personal and professional power.  That’s why this work feels so urgent and essential to me – there’s so much to do that can help unleash the potential we hold inside.

Now that I’m clearer about what I’m doing, I’d like to help you get there too.  To move you on the path of accessing your fullest power and recognizing your critical role in the world, I’d ask you these questions (inspired by the insightful “strengths-based” work of Marcus Buckingham):

Can you identify what you’ve done or are doing that makes you feel strong, confident, and totally on your game vs. “weak,” bored, strained, or “less than?”

Identify those things that make you feel strong, and move toward them.  Go where the energy and joy are in greatest abundance.  That way, you’ll be on the road to closing your power gaps and accessing your true power.

I hope you’ll share your thoughts here – what tasks or roles make you feel strongest, most alive?

(And if you need some support to fully access your personal and professional power, join me on my FREE Monthly Career Coaching Call series – it will move you forward!)

Courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As one who is in the media a good deal through my Forbes, Huffington Post and AARP writing, and through speaking and coaching, I’m approached literally every day by scores of folks who are strangers hoping to connect, speak, get free advice, or inquire about my coaching services.

I’m truly honored and happy to receive requests to connect from those I don’t know (in fact, that’s how I built my LinkedIn connections to over 2,300)!), and I understand that it is a given for me in my line of work to be contacted by folks who want to connect and also need help.  All good.

But having been on the receiving end of hundreds of emails and LinkedIn invites that I LOVE to get, and others that don’t work,  I’d like to share with you my perspective on the right – and the wrong – way to reach out and ask to speak or connect with someone you know only from their online presence.

From my view, there are three vitally important ingredients that need to be present in your communications and in the manner and style of your outreach for you to be successful.  If these are missing, you’ll fail to make a positive connection at best, and annoy and offend your potential contact, at worst.

What 3 ingredients need to be reflected in your outreach?

1)      Do your homework, and demonstrate that

You’re reaching out to this individual presumably because you’ve heard about their work through word of mouth, or an article you read, or a LinkedIn update that resonated with you.  That’s great, but here’s what must come next.  If you want to make a connection with this individual, do your homework, and a lot of it, before writing to them.

Read everything you can about him/her – blog posts, videos, interviews, vlogs, guest posts, his/her book – the works.  Understand as much as you can about the individual and about what you want to know from them, so that when you connect, you have informed and intelligent questions/input to offer.

As Sheryl  Sandberg mentions in her new book Lean In (which I highly recommend, BTW – here’s my review of it on Amazon), she’s put off by people who connect by asking questions like “What’s the culture of Facebook?” Why? Because you can read her answers to that (and Mark Zuckerberg’s as well) everywhere online.  Avoid asking the obvious and don’t pose questions that you can easily find the answers to.   Reach out instead with a unique insight, a positive comment, or a new point of view or question that will be helpful and welcomed by the new contact.

2)  Understand how it truly works to find a mentor

There’s been so much written about how to find and ask for a mentor (here are some great tips via Kerry Hannon on Forbes), and again, I’d echo Sheryl Sandberg in Lean In in her advice about this.  If you have to formally ask “Will you be my mentor?” you are missing the boat and most likely won’t get one.  As Sheryl points out, “the strongest relationships spring out of real and often earned connection felt by both sides.”  The best way to approach it is to find someone currently in your life and career with whom you can build a mutually-beneficial relationship that will help you grow. This needs to be someone who has observed the potential in you already because you’ve demonstrated it to them, and who would enjoy nurturing that potential.  It’s not a complete stranger but someone with whom you are already intersecting in your career or field and who has shown interest in you and would love to be supportive.

If you don’t have anyone in your life that fits that bill, I’d suggest that you endeavor to enlarge your sphere of influence.  Go out in the world in a bigger way, and start connecting online and in person with other professionals who inspire and enliven you.  Check out my Forbes, Huffington Post and AARP blogs for more tips on getting out there, bringing yourself to market, networking, joining organizations and associations that bring you together with exciting, aligned people.  Start sharing your expertise  and learning how to shine (start your own blog, write articles, mentor others, sit on a board, etc).

3)  Take into consideration where your new contact is coming from

Finally, when you reach out to someone who you don’t know, be considerate, respectful and put yourself in their shoes.  In all your communications (at work and in your personal life), think about the receiver of your communications and how they need to be treated and approached in order to able to respond in a positive way.

Be considerate of their time, and understand that building relationships online is exactly like building them in person.  You wouldn’t come up to a stranger at a cocktail party and grill them with questions  about you and your life.  You’d ease into the situation, listen deeply first, and learn about who they are and what they care about. Then, and only then, would you respectfully pose a question or offer a comment that you know is a good fit with their passions, skills, and interests.

* * * * *

I hope these tips are useful as you go out in the world and build your fabulous support network and “ambassadors” for your work. Developing a powerful community and network is truly essential to your growth and success, as is learning how to connect with strangers in ways that enliven them as well as support you.

Incorporate these three ingredients in all your outreach efforts, and go out and connect powerfully!

And feel free to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn – I’d love to hear from you, and leave a comment on this post!

(Need some career coaching now? Join me in my new series of FREE monthly career coaching calls.  Come and ask your career or business questions – no matter how big or small!)

My friend Lynne Marino – a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch — shared just such an experience about her youngest son, Robert.  But her story has a silver lining – one of courage, persistence and unflagging commitment to trust what she knew to be true, and find new ways to help her son, despite what the medical community wrote off as incurable.  I’d like to share Lynne’s story, as inspiration for all of us who know better than the “experts” on what our bodies need, and who will not give up the fight to find new ways to help the ones we love.

Lynne’s story:

*  *  *  *  *  *
Lynne’s story reminds us that in parenting, as in life, we must remain vigilant and relentless in our pursuit to do what’s necessary to live our lives as we long to — fully, joyfully and healthfully — and to find the right kind of empowering support that will help us be all we wish to this world.

Have you faced a serious health problem in yourself or your child that demanded you to stretch far beyond yourself and traditional measures to find a new solution? I’d love to hear your story.

(For more information on the resources mentioned in this post,  visit  Smart Brain Tech, Gray Matters CT, Concussion Center CT, Lumosity Neuroscience, The Amen Clinics)

Richie Norton

In my coaching and training work helping women lead more fulfilling lives, I’m asked every day questions like this: “Kathy, do you think this is too stupid an idea?”  or “This may be really crazy, but I’m thinking of…” or my favorite, “My family says this is nuts and will never work, but I’m thinking of…” Thousands of people are wracked with fear, paralysis, and embarrassment (or even shame) when considering if they should pursue something “stupid” that their heart desires most.

But after 10 years of helping people turn “stupid” into amazing, I trust wholeheartedly in the power of starting your own version of something stupid, and have seen how this process turns a mediocre and unsatisfying life into a thrilling one.

I was intrigued, then, to discover Richie Norton’s new book The Power of Starting Something Stupid: How to Crush Fear, Make Dreams Happen & Live Without Regret, and couldn’t wait to speak to Richie about his ideas and his journey from “stupid” to stupendous.

As I read the book, I was deeply moved by Richie’s personal story of losing his beautiful and perfect infant boy of only 10 weeks, and having to make the unbearable decision not to resuscitate him as the process would only prolong his suffering and in the end, not save his life.  As is often the case when tragedy rips a gash in our reality, we feel forever changed by the loss.  In Richie’s case, his life took on a very real sense of urgency, and he faced the shocking realization that circumstance is completely outside our realm of control.  Not just certain circumstances, but ALL circumstance.  This realization opened the door for Richie to learn the biggest lesson of his life to date, what he calls “Gavin’s Law” (named after his beloved brother-in-law Gavin, who died at 21, just two years before the death of his baby boy Gavin).

Gavin’s Law is this:

“Live to start. Start to live.”

There is so much to learn in Richie’s book, but I want to share here Richie’s 6 steps to making our dreams happen.  From my perspective, this model covers all the key bases, and if you use this as a roadmap to pursuing your crazy, stupid idea, you’ll be on the right track.

The 6 steps to Making Dreams Happen and Living without Regret:

1.  Crush Fear
It’s not the actual circumstances that we should feel threatened by, it’s the fear of the circumstances that poses the real threat. The bottom line is that people with high aspirations are going to experience a proportionately high level of fear. If high aspirations are equal to high fear, then the flip side to that truth is that overcoming high fear is equal to achieving high aspirations. To crush fear doesn’t mean you eliminate it; crushing fear means you literally crush it down into smaller, more manageable parts and tackle one piece at a time.

2.  End Pride

The line between fear and pride is nearly imperceptible. At the heart of pride, is the fear of looking stupid. Pride convinces people to feel justified in quitting because, for prideful people, approval is sought at all costs—even at the cost of success. Prideful people won’t ask for help, they won’t ask questions, and they don’t want to do anything to challenge the status quo. To overcome pride, you must embrace “The Humble Power Alternative” –  lean into your “stupid” ideas, do more than you think you should do, take ownership of your life, don’t blame others for lack of success, and encourage others in their success. There is true power born of humility.

3.  Overcome Procrastination

When we procrastinate, we fill our lives with the tasks that are right in front of us rather than make the concerted effort to leave enough room in our schedules to pursue dreams. Procrastination doesn’t always come in the form of frivolous activities. Often we’re filling our time with good or even essential tasks, but even so, anytime you postpone doing the things that are most important in your life, you are falling victim to procrastination. “Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried” (the slogan of Procrastinators Anonymous). Procrastination must be overcome or it will rob you of the things that could be most significant in your life.

>>TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON FORBES, CLICK HERE<<

There are so many helpful ideas in Richie’s book, including how to evaluate a “stupid” idea to see if it’s stupid smart, or viewing the starting of something stupid as a “project” rather than a do-or-die endeavor, or my favorite tip: making a pact to surround yourself every day only with people who embody the “serve, thank, ask, receive, trust” philosophy.

But what you’ll find most in this book is a powerful reminder that within you is a kernel, the seed of something enormous that others (or your inner critic) will say is stupid, but when honored and nurtured, will show you why you’re on this planet at this time, and why no one else can contribute and make the difference that you can, if you only start.

Are you deeply longing to start something stupid?  What will it take for you to crush your fear and start it today?

(For more about Richie, check out www.richienorton.com and The Power of Starting Something Stupid.  And to gain clarity on the stupid ideas you long to pursue in your career, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.)

Courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As a trainer and leadership developer of women, I’ve had the opportunity to speak with hundreds of HR and senior executive leaders the past 10 years, about women, growth, and paving the way for women’s ascension to leadership in corporate America. Yet what remains so disappointing and in fact, shocking, is that despite the irrefutable business case for the need to balance corporate leadership ranks with more women, we’re making very little headway – very little progress in the way of effective corporate change is occurring.  Yes there are winners of Catalyst and other awards – and great, progressive organizations doing their part – but in the whole of corporate America, we’re not seeing the substantive change that’s necessary. Further, recent studies show that senior women are hit three times harder than their male counterparts in these tough economic times.

I believe there are 6 core reasons why women aren’t advancing to the leadership ranks to the degree we need them to in corporate America.  One of the most important factors is that organizations are not digging deep enough to uncover exactly why their organization isn’t fostering women leaders successfully.  Leaders and HR directors attempt to address the issue every day, and they commit diversity dollars, initiatives, training programs and networking events to moving the needle, but rarely have the hard data, research and findings from men and women in the organization as to why women are leaving before they reach leadership levels, why they are plateauing or not being promoting effectively into leadership. Thus, their programs and initiatives don’t make a lasting difference.

Before I share what I believe are the 6 reasons why women aren’t leading in sufficient numbers, I’d like to ask HR staff and senior leaders this question:

Do you know (based on sound research and data and frank and open conversations at your company) EXACTLY why women are not sitting at your leadership tables in your organization? Do you have a handle on the specific part of the pipeline where you lose women, and why?  If not, what step can you take this month to investigate as thoroughly as possible the barriers to women’s leadership success at your company? (For resources and innovative ideas on how to move the needle, check out Bentley University’s Center for Women & Business cutting-edge programs and events).

If you don’t know the answers to these questions, the very first thing you must do is begin a research and data gathering initiative – conduct a thorough, candid, and probing exploration of what isn’t happening that needs to be, and determine the barriers to women’s growth that are specific to your organization, culture, and enterprise.

To get you started in your thinking, below are the top 6 reasons I’ve found for why women aren’t leading as we need them to in corporate business, based on my 10 years of work in the field, my year-long research study, my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, my Career Success training programs and my leadership consulting.

The top six reasons why women aren’t leading in sufficient numbers are:

1)  The differences between men and women are not fully understood or valued.

It’s an indisputable fact – women and men are different in many core ways, grounded in their neurobiology and their cultural training.  (Read Dr. Louann Brizendine’s books The Female Brain and The Male Brain for more info).  So much of men and women’s behavior is programmed, hard-wired in our brains, and also culturally influenced.  I’ve found, however, that in corporate America (which remains male-dominated at the leadership levels), the differences in women’s style, approach, communication, decision making, leadership values, focus and “energy,” are not at all understood or valued.  Many organizations still make women “wrong” (consciously or subconsciously) for their priorities and styles that clash with the dominant culture.  Further, the emphasis many women leaders place on connection, empathy, emotional cue-taking, consensus-building, risk-taking, mutuality, and questioning are often misconstrued as a “less-than” leadership style.  More multicultural and diversity training must occur for women and men to wholly embrace their differences, and understand that it is diversity and difference that makes us stronger and more competitive.

2)  Whole-self authenticity is a must-have for many women, yet impossible still in many corporate environments.

During a class I taught at New York University last summer on managing inclusion and cultural diversity, my students and I discussed the idea of bringing our whole hearts and spirits to our work and our careers – the idea that authenticity and transparency, and being who we really are – and being recognized and appreciated for that — is a vitally important criteria for our career success. A fascinating finding emerged – literally every woman in the class was in complete accord – that authenticity and being able to bring our whole selves to our work is essential to our fulfillment and success. (Check out Brené Brown’s great work on authenticity and vulnerability for more on that.)

But the males in the class vehemently disagreed.  They shared their feelings that full transparency at work, and “exposing” all parts of themselves (personal and otherwise) was not at all desirable. They confirmed this with numerous male friends and colleagues, who all agreed that it’s not safe or accepted (or wanted) to be fully transparent and bring their whole selves to the workplace.  I’ve seen this as a commonly held difference between men and women in the workplace, again impacted by cultural training and neurobiology.  (Again, I am fully aware that many men do indeed bring their full, authentic selves to work.) But what’s vital to remember is that, for thousands of women, if they can’t be real, true, transparent, honest and authentic at work – and can’t be recognized, valued and appreciated for what they bring to the table — they won’t want to follow the leadership at the helm or do what it takes to succeed in their organizations or roles. If the political environment is so crushing, and the competitive terrain so negative that work feels like “theatre” and women have to pretend to be something they are not (which it did for me for numbers of years in my corporate life), then it’s not sustainable, and not worth it. Thousands of women are fleeing corporate America and starting their own businesses to escape what isn’t working for them, and also to create new models of business success and leadership that fit their style, preference, values and priorities.

3)  Life, family and work priorities clash fiercely.

Women are still performing the majority of domestic and child care responsibility in the home, even when there are two spouses working full-time.  As such, and as long as women are bearing the children in our species, women will not view child rearing and child care in the same way as men do, and will prioritize the responsibilities around it differently.  The best article I’ve read recently on this dilemma – as a woman, the challenges around how to be the caregiver you want to be while being the contributive professional you long to be – is Anne-Marie Slaughter’s piece in The Atlantic, Why Women Still Can’t Have It All. For me, every word resonated.  Slaughter covered every key dimension represented of the challenges women face today in their quest to become business and political leaders while also balancing what they want to be as parents and care-givers, and what has to change in our work policies to allow these dual priorities to be met. If you’re outdated and closed-minded and believe that work-life balance or integration is a pipedream only for fools, then you’re contributing to the problem.

4)  Extreme work demands can drum women out.

The extreme demands of many 24/7 work corporate environments today represent an impasse to many women who wish to prioritize life outside of work more highly.  I’ve written before and believe this wholeheartedly – women are not less ambitious than men.  It is the COST of ambition – and the struggle women face in pursuing their professional ambitions — that is at the heart of why we have so few women leaders today, and why women are achieving less and not reaching as high as men in corporate America.  As Betsy Myers, senior adviser to President Clinton on women’s issues shared with me recently, women tend to view their work as only one piece of the pie that represents their total life experience.  If they’re forced to focus 24/7 on work for a majority of their professional lives, most women will choose not to pay that price.

5)  Marginalizing of women is more common than we want to admit.

As much as we don’t want to admit it, women are still being diminished, sidelined, suppressed, and thought less of because of being women and because they are different from the leadership norm (here’s an example).  Further, women are pushed aside regularly when they make their family priorities known or demand time off after having a child (and don’t kid yourself – this is a form discrimination to be sidelined for prioritizing time off for child bearing).

We can deny this all we want, but it is happening all across corporate America – women are still considered “less than” in terms of leadership capability in many organizations.  This will change in 50 or 100 years, and is changing radically now in the entrepreneurial world (where I’m very excited to be supporting women’s leadership growth), but not fast enough in corporate America.

If your organization still has insufficient representation of women at senior levels, do what is necessary to bring about true change. Conduct primary research at your workplace to uncover what is not working for women in the organization, and follow it up by implementing new policies, procedures, and effective training, education, and programs for men and women.  Measure the efficacy of these programs and initiatives, and communicate effectively and authoritatively the mandate that diversity and inclusion must become a way of life at your organization. Finally, support your successful and empowering female leaders today as true role models who “walk the talk” and can give other women a powerful visual model for success.

6)   Personal accountability needs to be expanded.

I’ve read scores of comments by women (top writers on leadership, for instance) that if we talk about how women are holding themselves back from leadership, we’re again blaming women for how they blew it, instead of understanding that it’s a faulty model they’re trying to overcome.

I disagree with this line of thinking. Yes, the model needs revision most certainly, but this is a complex problem with many contributing factors.  Within this construct, individuals have the power to take accountability, step up to what has to be done, and have the courage to make change, both on the individual level, and the organizational level.  Women are today (and can become) great leaders and inspire other women to follow in their footsteps. I see it every day.

It is not all about the environment or men not doing their part.  There are plenty of strong male advocates and supporters of women, and great male leaders who know how to pave the way for the high growth and engagement of both women and men (for an inspiring example, check out  PricewaterhouseCooper’s Chairman and Senior Partner Robert Moritz’s keynote speech at Bentley University’s Center for Women and Business Forum).   For true change to occur, we need the support of men, and to walk in partnership with our best male leaders.  But to bring about real and lasting change, women must also learn to understand better the terrain they’re operating in — the ecosystem they’re engaged in — and power up their skills and accountability  in order to navigate it successfully.  (No, I’m not saying “Be more like a man.”) I’m suggesting that women understand what’s needed to succeed, and embrace their authentic personal brand, build their confidence and self-worth, enhance their communication, leadership and decision-making skills, forge vital partnerships, and step up to their fullest potential to claim the leadership authority they want.

In the end, creating a pathway for more women in corporate leadership will require change on all levels — individual, organizational and global.  But we must start with you and me, today.  What one step can YOU take – either as a female committed to achieving more leadership authority, or as a female or male leader with the power and influence to bring about true change in your organization.  What will YOU do?

I’d love your thoughts. Does your organization know why women are not serving in leadership as your business needs them to? And do you know what to do to bring yourself forward and lead as you long to?

Courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In my previous role as VP of Marketing in the corporate arena, and in the past 10 years of advising entrepreneurs and small businesses in their marketing efforts (and in my own business), I’ve seen great marketing strategies and tactics implemented, as well as terrible ones. In tough economic times like these, as in all times, small businesses must be very prudent in their investments and marketing, and understand exactly what to expect in terms of their return on investment.

Below are the top seven marketing blunders I see each and every day that are catastrophic to small business  success:

1)  Your business model is flawed

I’ve worked with scores of coaches, consultants and advisers over the years who’ve made the mistake of jumping into a new business that depends solely on one model that will never work for them – a model that can’t provide sustainable, consistent income or support what these business owners truly want to do in their work.

For example, many types of coaches are dependent on the hourly-payment model (getting clients who pay by the hour for sessions), yet are not able to generate enough clients each month to pay their bills. Look at your model and do the math – if you’re stuck with a model that’s not working, don’t keep your head stuck in the sand. Open your eyes to what your situation is telling you. You need new ways to generate income – different services, formats, approaches, products and programs that offer your expertise in new ways that will provide ongoing, consistent revenue. If you keep doing what isn’t working, you’ll fail miserably.

2) Your focus is misplaced

In my workshops and seminars, I commonly hear entrepreneurs obsessed with concerns about blogging, twitter, Facebook and other social media endeavors, when they don’t have a way to earn money in their business.  Don’t focus your time on social media or building an audience before you’ve figured out what you’re doing in your business — what you want to provide, offer, or sell.  Get clear on your offers first and creating viable products and services. Then you can worry about tweeting and blogging.

3)  Your audience is a mismatch

Another serious marketing problem is that the audience you’ve attracted – through your writing, speaking, or services — is not the audience or community you need or want. I’ve seen examples of new coaches, for instance, who aren’t sustaining themselves through one-on-one coaching, so they decide to offer high-end mastermind group coaching programs ($50,000 for an 6-month mastermind, for example) because they see others do it. They expect to send out a newsletter to their audience, and instantly generate 10 customers at this level. But it doesn’t work this way (despite what scores of “millionaire” success coaches promise if you buy their services.)  For your high-end programs to work, you must have an audience that wants it and can afford it.  You also have to have created a fabulous program that is worth that price tag (in its outcomes and value the customer receives).

As one who believes that everything is “energy,” I’ve seen that you must also be able to resonate energetically with a sense of worthiness and value  in order to earn the level of money you want (check out Gay Hendricks great book The Big Leap to learn about the “upper limit problem” so many people experience).  If you have internal fears and doubts about the value of your programs, you won’t be able to attract great fees.

Finally, you need access to a large enough audience that will resonate with your products, pricing, and your particular service benefits.  This doesn’t happen overnight. You can’t just throw out an expensive product and expect folks to flock to it just because you’ve created it.

4)  You don’t like what you’ve created

Another serious marketing mistake is that you’ve decided to focus on a service offering or a customer base that you simply don’t like, because you thought you had to. I can’t count the number of small businesses I’ve advised around this issue, and how distraught the owner is in the realization that what she’s created is now the wrong fit for what she wants to do in the world.  If you hate what you’ve built and who you’re serving, you have two choices – continue supporting something that is no longer aligned with your values and preferences, or change directions. Which do you think makes the most sense? (Here’s a tip – if you hate your customers or what you’re doing in the world, it will hate you back).

5)   Your pricing is off

Pricing of your programs and products is not about what you want to earn – it’s about what the market will bear, as well as the perceived value of what you’re offering. You may think your product is life-changing or the best thing since sliced bread, but if it’s simply too expensive or ill-fitted for the audience you’re reaching, you won’t get it off the ground.

6)  Your services don’t stand out

In every business or consulting arena, you’re in a global economy, competing against the best of the best in the world.  You have to know specifically what makes your products and services better, different, unique than everything that’s out there, and be adept at communicating that. Why should anyone care about what you have to offer, and how can you prove — and validate — that what you have is truly different or better? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you won’t succeed in this highly competitive terrain.

7)   You lack the readiness and willingness to do what’s required

Marketing your business (or your book, product, service, etc.) is a full-time job. If you’re not willing to do it, you have to hire someone who is or get marketing support in another way.  People won’t just flock to you, with cash in their hands. You have to earn their trust and respect over time, through engagement, service, information, and relationship-building.  And you need ambassadors for your work as well. You can’t do this alone and in a vacuum.

How to avoid these seven marketing mistakes?

Start by answering the following questions.  If you don’t have the answers, go back to the drawing board and figure them out before you take one more step in your business:

1)  What is your platform – how do you get the word out about your products/services?

2)  What is your audience – the size, and their geographic, demographic and psychographic  profiles?

3)  How can you grow your audience substantially? What is your reach and how do you spread the word about your work?

4)  Who is in your loyal community (colleagues, peers and supporters) and how can you build it – who are your committed ambassadors who will share the news about your great business and offerings?

5)  What makes your services and products different, better, unique than anything else on the market?

6)  Are your services, pricing, and offerings a match to the people who know about you and care about what you’re doing?

7)   What is your personal brand – what unique experience do you deliver and what is your business known for — emotionally, aesthetically and functionally?

If you care about making your small business work, don’t spend another minute wasting money, time and energy on directions that won’t be fruitful. Find an adviser or support system that can guide you through the landmines of entrepreneurial life, and help you achieve what you want to, and earn the money you need, while making the difference you long to.

(If you need help growing your business, download my free Business Overview Assessment  and check out my new Prosperity Marketing Mindset coaching program to help you understand what steps to take next.)

Image via CrunchBase

Last month, I had the terrific pleasure of chatting with Guy Kawasaki, co-founder of Alltop.com, founder partner of Garage Technology Ventures, and former Chief Evangelist for Apple.  Guy is the author of ten books, including Enchantment, Reality Check, and Rules for Revolutionaries.  If you haven’t followed Guy’s writing and blog, you’re truly missing out.  He’s utterly brilliant, wise, iconoclastic, brutally frank, and downright hilarious.

And if you’re considering self-publishing a book, make the first resource you read Guy’s new book APE: Author- Publisher – Entrepreneur – How to Publish a Book co-written by Shawn Welch.

I don’t recommend resources lightly, but as one who worked in traditional publishing for years and had my own book Breakdown, Breakthrough published traditionally, I believe Guy’s new book is a true winner, full of practical, realistic solutions, strategies and tips for self-publishers.

In 2011 the publisher of Guy’s New York Times bestseller, Enchantment, could not fill an order for 500 ebook copies of the book. Because of this experience, Guy self-published his next book, What the Plus!: Google+ For the Rest of Usand learned first-hand that self-publishing is a complex, confusing, and idiosyncratic process.  He decided to learn as much as he could about successful self-publishing, and share his knowledge with all those who want to venture into the self-publishing arena.

I asked Guy about the process of self-publishing, what he’s learned from it, and also what makes it worthwhile to write a book in the first place.

Here’s Guy’s take:

1)  Why write a book in the first place?

If you’re writing a book simply as a means to an end – to get rich, or to get the word out about your expertise, or to attract more consulting or coaching business – forget it.  Stop what you’re doing right now.  If you’re thinking just about what you can get out of it, you’re probably writing a “crappy” book (Guy’s word), and your “crap” will be forever immortalized in black and white.  Something you definitely don’t want.

Guy advises, “Write a book because you have something important to say. If you have a life story that inspires, or information that you believe everyone in a particular niche NEEDS to know, then do it.”  But don’t just rush to get something out because you think it will enhance your career, profile, business, or bank account.  You just won’t succeed with those inner motives.

(On that note, I’ve been floored by the advice I’ve heard some small business and entrepreneurial success coaches offer my colleagues and clients – to just slap together a book quickly and get it out there, to make money and build their credibility. I’m with Guy – your credibility is shot if you do that, and trust me, your discerning readers can tell what you’re trying to do. Also, don’t forget that the vast majority of authors don’t make any money on their books.)

2)   Your karmic scoreboard

Guy believes in the concept of a “karmic scoreboard” – that what you put out in the world will come back around to you.  Self-publishing solely to advance yourself reduces your “karmic score.”  On the other hand, being kind, generous, and helpful – being of service to others as your first goal – increases your karmic score.  If your motivation is to help others with no expectations of what you’ll get in return, you’ll find that the process is also self-supportive, because when you set out to support the enrichment of others, it comes back to you tenfold.

3)  Artisanal publishing  (vs. self-publishing) – the new trend in publishing

In his book APE, Guy talks about “artisanal publishing” as a process that features writers who love their craft, and who control every aspect of the process from beginning to end. In this new approach, writers are no longer at the mercy of large, traditional publishers, and readers will have more books to read.

The self-publishing world has eradicated the filters and barriers that the traditional publishing world represented (where editors – typically male — made the judgments about content and worthiness).  In the old days, the imprint of the publisher was a proxy for quality – if you were accepted by the publisher, you passed the test.  Now the proxy for quality is how your book fares in terms of reviews and ratings on Amazon, and sales.  Customers vote on the book’s quality or on their need to expose themselves to your material by clicking to purchase, or not clicking.

Guy explained that when readers contemplate buying your book today, they often don’t even notice the publisher.  They look instead at the ratings and reviews received by the audience. What’s key in artisanal publishing is that you start with a good book, and then market the book with everything you’ve got.   Marketing a book for many would-be authors is a daunting task, and thousands of self-published authors are ignorant of what’s required to get the word out (or they detest the marketing process altogether).  In the end, if you want to be a successful artisanal publisher, you have to be willing to market.

To further the artisanal analogy, think of an artisanal baker.  Do we think s/he is an entrepreneur? Absolutely! She is making the bread, selling it, distributing it, etc.  Would you ever go up to an artisanal baker and ask, “Is the reason why you have your own bakery that you didn’t get accepted by a large national baked goods manufacturer?”  No. We don’t even think of that question. Guy is hoping that artisanal publishers will soon earn the same respect and merit as other artisans.

4)   How to know if your book is worthwhile?

I asked Guy his thoughts on the question, “How can you evaluate if your book is worth publishing and will be a work of quality?”

First, Guy believes you absolutely need professional copyediting.   All writers, even great ones, need copyediting.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can do this on your own. You can’t.  If you skip this step, the quality of your product will be sorely compromised.

Secondly, you must put yourself through a rigorous process of evaluating your book through the eyes of potential readers/buyers.  Pretend you go to Amazon.com or visit a Barnes & Noble bookstore.  You see amazing books written by Anne Lamott, Isabel Allende, Patricia Cornwell, Condoleezza Rice, John Grisham, Lee Child, David Baldacci.

Then you see your book – The Schmoe Story, by Joe Schmoe.  Guy asks you to evaluate: “Why would anyone give a hoot about your book?”  You need a true reason, an engaging shtick or an angle – not a fabricated one, but authentic and gripping — that makes it an important story to tell.  Your material has to be compelling and contributive, adding in a positive way to what already exists on the topic.

He gives an example of the gripping story of a single mom who endures a grueling four-year process to adopt a child from Guatemala, and is asked over and over, “Why are you adopting?” by her friends at home.  Then, when bringing the child home, she is asked if she is the child’s nanny.  Guy shares, “This woman’s story is just as important (arguably more important) than George W. Bush’s memoir.  There’s a reason people will care about this unknown, single adoptive mom’s story – there’s a reason this book matters.  You don’t have to be rich and powerful to have a riveting story to tell.

How do you really determine if your story is worth telling? Pretend that you didn’t write the book – would you really care about this author and this story?

To help make the book better, Guy is a fan of obtaining as much feedback as possible from his potential audience, a process he calls crowd feedback. Guy admits “Strangers aren’t kind.” You’ll get a host of brutally frank comments, feedback and input that you can use (with discernment) to understand if this book has a true purpose for existing, and how to improve it.

5)  Are you ready to engage in artisanal publishing?

Guy shared: “If you gave me two choices – one where there’s a small group of powerful people who pick the winners and losers versus complete and utter anarchy where anyone can publish a book, I would pick anarchy, fully realizing that most books that emerge in this arena will be poor quality.  The situation of anarchy and the lower barrier means that there will be some gems that would never have been published in the old world –  true gems — and that makes it worthwhile.

“Imagine a world where you couldn’t start a company unless you had an MBA.  That would rule out Google, Apple, YouTube, Cisco.” Supporting artisanal publishing is similar to saying “NO!” to the idea that only people with MBA’s can start a successful company.  Guy shares, “A world where only a few hold that type of control and power is not a world I would recommend.”

As my fellow Forbes contributor Roger Dooley writes – “Perhaps the greatest contribution of APE will be that some individuals who have great ideas but haven’t felt they could write a book or get it published will now be empowered to start their journey.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Are you interested in self-publishing? First, read Guy’s book APE – Author – publisher – Entrepreneur: How to Publish A Book.  Then, make sure you have an important story to tell, get the editorial help you need to ensure high quality, prepare yourself to fully engage in the marketing process, and go for it! (And for beginning marketers, check out my Prosperity Marketing Mindset program to get you started.)

Image Courtesy of Pakorn on FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In response to my Forbes, Huffington Post and AARP Work Reimagined posts, I hear one type of comment over and over again, more than any other, and it goes something like this: “I just don’t know what I want.  Despite all my efforts, I can’t figure it out what I want to do.”

I find this an amazing phenomenon – that so many Americans have lost touch with who and what they want to be professionally.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging anyone here, because this was me 12 years ago.  I built an 18-year corporate career in publishing, marketing and membership services, and for most of it, I was outwardly successful.  But throughout it all, I was inwardly very unhappy and kept asking “Is this all there is?   I loved my family life, but my career was deeply unsatisfying.  Despite my efforts to get help to figure out what else I should professionally (I saw a therapist and career counselor, took costly quantitative assessment tests [which I’m not a fan of, by the way], etc.), I couldn’t figure out what else to do.  I finally did figure it out and forged a very fulfilling path, but it took years and some very costly missteps.

After 10 years of serving as career coach and trainer to help professionals build more satisfying careers, I’ve uncovered why people are so resistant to career change.  And I’ve created a successful model with a step-by-step program to help professionals  build a career that delivers both the “essence” of what makes them happy, along with the right “form” of it to suit their financial needs, values, life intentions, standards of integrity and more.

So how do we do it?  What are the six keys to figuring out what you really want?

1)  Pull yourself out of the tiny box you’re trapped in

All people who are stuck feel this way because they’ve made some costly or rigid assumptions about what they need to be happy or what they’re capable of creating. These assumptions (often unconscious) keep them trapped in a tight little box with a lid that won’t budge.

Some of these limiting assumptions are:

-  I need to earn $XXXXXX to live the life I want

-  My marriage or family won’t survive my making this change

-  I’ll be too old by the time I make this change

-  I don’t have what it takes to reinvent myself or even repurpose what I do

-  I’m a loser and a failure – I can’t compete

-  I’m too unskilled or out of touch with current trends

-  I have nothing important to offer

-  I’m not special

-  I’m too beat up and burnt out

-  Nothing else will be better

How can you get out of the box? 

Certainly not by yourself.  You simply can’t identify your special talents, capabilities and potential alone and in a vacuum.  And you can’t solve your problems on the level of awareness that they were created.  You’ve got to involve someone else in the discussion about your life, and make it someone you respect, who’s knowledgeable, successful and fulfilled in what they do, and who doesn’t have an agenda about where you net out. Find someone today who can mentor, advise or coach you about what’s possible, and help you see what’s holding you back from identifying the power you have to make a difference, and the vast number of options that are truly available to you.

If you’re trying to do this all by yourself, you just won’t make headway.

2)  Don’t throw the baby out – look at what IS working along with what IS NOT

Many people wake up in midlife to the fact that their careers are dissatisfying and unsuccessful, and they’re so upset about it, they want to chuck the whole thing out.  Don’t make that mistake.  Conduct a thorough assessment of what you would like to preserve and maintain in your current career, and get rid of only the parts that make you feel angry, sad, frustrated, and thwarted. After all, you’ve been in this career for some time now – it’s not all bad.  You were attracted to it once, and you are utilizing some talents and skills that you want to continue to draw on.

As an example, I spent years as a copywriter and marketing professional in publishing. I didn’t enjoy writing copy for scientific books and journals, but I was good at it.  Now, I use all of those copywriting skills daily (and enjoy them), for my own business, and as a marketing consultant helping career women, entrepreneurs and small businesses promote their brands and services.

3)  Address your problems now, before making a change

I make this a mandate in all the career coaching work I do – that the client begin today to address and resolve what’s making them miserable in the current job or career before they leap.  Until you feel more empowered and  become more controlled, authoritative, and masterful in your current situation, you can’t expect to attract a better situation in the next chapter.  You’ve got to do the inner and outer work to earn a “fantastic” career – it’s not just going to fall in your lap.

I’ve found that once my clients do the work to address their problems in the current situation, their challenges tend to evaporate and often they don’t need to leap to something completely different.

(To learn more about how build your self-confidence, risk-tolerance, self-mastery and capabilities, visit The Amazing Career Project and download my free homework tool “Assessing and Closing Your Power Gaps”).

4)  Develop a supportive network and community that loves you

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but the reality is you cannot get where you want to in life and work if you don’t have help.  No matter where you are in your career, you need people to help you launch to the next level.  Start building a more powerful network of loyal colleagues who admire and appreciate you and would be more than happy to help you do what you want.  There are many ways to develop a community that will support you, including utilizing LinkedIn fully, offering endorsements and testimonials to people you respect, attending association and networking meetings of professionals in your field, reaching out to former colleagues who you admire, taking a class with other exciting, like-minded professionals, and the list goes on. (Here are a few helpful resources —  my free LinkedIn Primer  and Resume Guide — to get you started.)

5)   Build your personal brand and tell your story well

Before you can figure out what you really want and get it, you have to know who you are and tell a compelling story about yourself.  Of the thousands of professionals I meet and work with each year, only a tiny fraction can answer these questions in a compelling and engaging way:

What are you fabulous at and known for?

What do you offer and do that is significantly different from what the best in your field do?

What were you noticed for back when you were a teen and young adult?

What skills, talents, abilities make you stand out?

What life experiences have shaped you in special ways?

What are your Life Intentions?

What are your core values – the non-negotiables you need in life to be happy and fulfilled?

Whom do you love to serve and support, and why?

When you’re 90 years old looking back, what do you want to have given, contributed, stood for and achieved?

If you can’t answer these questions, you won’t figure out what you really want because you just don’t know yourself well enough and others won’t know how to help you.  To learn who you really are, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.

6)  Now…connect the dots

After you’ve done all this work, it’s time to connect the dots (listen to the amazing Steve Jobs talk about how to live before you die and “connect  the dots”).  Figure out what paths will truly make sense for who you are and what you want to achieve in life.

Gain clarity about the best path for you by conducting online, offline, passive and active (in-person) research, to answer these critical questions:

What are my passions, and which of these make sense as a livelihood and which are better as hobbies?

Based on the passions, talents and skills I have, what are the careers best suited to me?

What are all the factors I need to address in planning my next direction (money, timing, energy, geography, family needs, support, enjoyment, health, etc.)

In this process, am I making any erroneous assumptions about myself and my life that I need to rethink?

Do I know what it takes to be successful in this new direction, and am I committed to it 100%?

Do I really want to start my own business, or am I just running away from something?

How will I fund my career change or transition?

Where will I find the ongoing support I need?

Don’t make the same huge blunders that so many career changers make.  Do the inner and outer work required to 1) discover who you are and what really matters to you, 2) overcome the obstacles in the way of your success, and 3) identify and “try on” the paths that make the most sense for you and your life.

And get the help you need to reach your highest potential.

It’s takes a great deal of effort to LOVE who you are, and to relish your life and career.  But what an incredibly enjoyable and rewarding path when you do.