You might be surprised to know that our attitudes about money are nearly formed by the tender age of twelve, according to behavioral research. Early years matter and are crucial in setting up the wiring of our how we perceive the world in later years. Our early perceptions create our beliefs and our attitudes about money. Beliefs influence behavior, namely, how we connect with money or how we maintain a broken connection. Behaviors include our emotions, thoughts and our actions. These behaviors of connection, or lack thereof, create consequences in our lives.

Old tapes stick with us

Ruth Hayden, author of The Money Book for Women, tells us; "money beliefs are emotional responses to childhood money training that often keep women from adopting positive money management skills. The cultural message women receive is...you don't have to take care of yourself financially."

The great depression lives on

I will share with you a personal example of how my money beliefs influenced my relationship with money. I grew up with depression era parents. Even though the basics were always covered, my experience of growing up in our home was one of lack. What I remember most is how we couldn't afford for me to play an instrument in the band, or how we couldn't afford for me to get my hair cut at the stylist I preferred. Over time, I was told we couldn't afford so often that I began to truly lose touch with what my needs and wants really were. I just stopped asking for things because I already knew the response. One of my growing beliefs was, there's never enough for me. This was all going on unconsciously, of course.

Taking the back seat...always

Fast forward several years and I married a man who seemed to know exactly what his needs and wants were. My belief of "there is never enough for me," created co-dependent behaviors in me. I embraced a victim mentality. I deprived myself the basics, like annual exams and a good winter coat in order to make sure I had money in the bank. I had secret savings accounts all over the place while neglecting my own needs. My priorities were other-focused rather than self-focused. I put my husband's wants before my needs. I practiced self neglect, a behavior that reinforced the old tapes, "there's never enough for me." Over time this lead to significant consequences health wise and instead of maintaining my body, mind and spirit, I came to need a major tune up and lots of repairs.

We can change

This is just one of the money beliefs I've overcome. Research shows that boomer women share common attitudes when it comes to money. I realize some of these attitudes are changing, but collectively...as a generation...we share a lot in common. My hope is we change these beliefs by digging to the roots from which they grow.

We are comfortable taking a back seat to finances and letting someone else manage our money for us. We place blind trust that our partner or spouse has our best interest in the forefront. I can't tell you how many women I counsel that woke up to a frightening financial situation during a life transition such as widowhood or divorce. We need to remove our financial burkas!

Be your own Prince Charming

Deep down, we want a Prince Charming. Judy, one of my clients in her 6th decade, recently made a confession to me. She said, "When you asked me how I planned to get out of debt, my first thought was to find a man to do it for me but I didn't want to say that out loud. Deep down we want to be swept off our feet and have a partner to fill up our bank account." Me too! One of my favorite movies is Pretty Woman! I've come to a place in my life now where I am my own Prince Charming and that is a wonderful place to be. But those romance stories tug at me too!

Steps you can take too

I've done three things to clean up limiting money beliefs and poverty thinking.