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february
2008 - tips for
positive
communication that
strengthens bonds |
Coaching for Positive Change with Kathy Caprino, MA
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Support Source for Successful Transitions |
| February 2008 | | | |
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Welcome to Coaching for Positive Change
As February is upon us, complete with Valentine's Day to celebrate love, caring, and connection, this month's newsletter focuses on positive communication strategies that enhance and support family and relationship bonds.
I'd like to share with you some tips that I've learned through training and studies in marriage and family therapy and coaching, as well as through personal experience. Please read on for some thoughts on how each of us can learn to say what needs to be said, and hear what needs to be heard, in ways that help us connect, love, empathize and accept ourselves and our loved ones.
Also, please also offer your thoughts on your current areas of transition, as well as answer the intriguing question posed this month on my blog for my forthcoming book Breakdown, Breakthrough, at http://www.breakdownbreakthrough.blogspot.com.
We all learn so much from each other.
Thank you very much for your interest, support, and insights. Wishing you a love-filled month and year!
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Tips for Positive Communication that Strengthens Bonds
Kathy Caprino, MA
As many of us who are in family and work relationships know, communicating with compassion, care, and understanding with those we're closest to can be very challenging at times. Often we are so busy trying to make our point or receive much-needed validation, that we barely hear the other individual's comments. We frequently receive their information and input incorrectly as well, due to our own biased filter or preconceived ideas of what the other has to offer.
Today, I'd like to share two approaches to positive communication that I believe are powerful in creating the space for open, caring connection:
1) Speak the Truth, using "I" statements
2) Use positivity in your language, always
1) Speak the Truth
Using our words powerfully and positively requires a few critical steps. First, we must always speak the truth. This doesn't mean you'll be blatantly cruel or insensitive, or say hurtful things to put others down. This means that you will reflect, with as much love, care, compassion and centeredness as you can, what the truth is for you.
In doing so, it's helpful to use "I" statements about how you are feeling and perceiving others and outside events.
When you are having difficulty, or feeling upset or put down, or if your boundaries are being violated in ways that feel wrong, it's important to speak up, not with blaming, critical language, but with "I" statements that reflect your view without making someone else wrong. "I" statements are those that express what you're feeling but leave room for the other individual to meet you halfway and openly express his/her thoughts and feelings.
Examples of some "I" statements are:
(To a spouse): "When you cut me off in mid-sentence, I feel frustrated because I'm not able to say what I want to and I don't feel heard."
(To a friend): "I'm disappointed when you put other things ahead of getting together with me because I feel I'm unimportant to you."
(To an employee): "I value promptness at my meetings because to me being on time reflects respect for others and commitment to the work. Please come on time."
(To a business partner): "I want there to be mutual respect between us. When you call me at all hours of the night, I get frustrated because I feel my private time with my family is not being respected.
"I" statements help you assert what's true for you, without creating the need for others to protect and defend themselves.
Try it out
Speak up for yourself, starting today. Don't wait. You'll be amazed at the results in your life. Figure out what you need to say today that you've been keeping inside, boiling or worrying about. How have your boundaries been invaded, and whom do you need to tell about that? Have you been treated disrespectfully? Carelessly? What do you need to say in your life and work that you're not communicating? Find a way to speak up now, without blame, but with open, caring truthfulness.
2) Use Positivity in Your Language
I've seen in my own life just how destructive and impactful negative words can be. Harsh criticism have stayed with me a lifetime, whereas loving words can be easily forgotten. I've made it an absolute rule in my life to avoid as much as possible the use of critical, cruel, judgmental or harsh words about myself or others.
If I slip up, and let something ugly fly out of my mouth that's hurtful or a put down (about myself or others), I try to revise it, right then and there. I stop and say to myself, "I'd like to delete that, and say this instead____." I then replace the harsh words with something more accepting and open, something that allows in possibility rather than negativity. It's interesting...when I fail to do this exercise--deleting a very judgmental comment and replacing it --something will emerge in my life very quickly to offer me a lesson about it.
This process has been life-changing for me and for my clients. Gaining awareness of where you are being negative and bitingly critical to others helps you stop being so to yourself. Gossiping and speaking ill about others is a habit that engenders suffering, our own and others'.
Try it out
Starting today, begin observing your language for a week, as a neutral outsider. While you are conversing, take note of your language and the words you use. Are your words mostly positive, hopeful, supportive, encouraging? Or are they critical, disparaging, disapproving, fault-finding, and unsympathetic. Do you speak more of problems, limitations, and wrong-doings or do you focus on what is working in your life and what you are grateful and joyful about? How you speak of others and your life is a direct mirror of the way in which you view yourself.
If you accuse and blame others frequently, it's a good idea to walk away from that now. If you put yourself down, stop now. Make it a habit of choosing only words and language that reveal acceptance, hope, kindness, compassion and forgiveness. This doesn't mean you should never speak about something negative if that is what is true for you. It refers to the idea of reframing what you talk about and the way you express it so that it fits the facts equally well, but allows your spoken words to make room for a more expansive, positive, and life-affirming experience and interpretation than is currently possible.
I have been very surprised at the shifts that become possible within myself and around me when I foster positive language rather than feed negativity. Try it out!
It's simple: let your language speak not of weakness and limitation, but of power, goodness, and capabilities -- within you and others.
Positive communication works miracles!
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Join the Smart Women's Coaching Café™ today!
As a new Contributing Expert of the Smart Women's Coaching Café™, I would like to invite you to join our community.
Smart Women's Coaching Café™ is tailored to help women take their lives to the next level, through providing a community of like-minded, supportive and knowledgeable business and coaching experts who are assembled, waiting, and ready to help you.
If you have considered hiring a coach, consultant, advisor or wished to participate in a top-quality coaching program, but felt that you couldn't afford the time or money, this cafe is a great place to start. You'll have access to top national life and business coaches, and their personal network of experts, resources, and programs, available in one place 24/7.
The members of our Smart Women's Coaching board have done all the work - including extensive research to assemble terrific resources and connections - and are opening up their personal networks to you. I invite you to walk through the door and join this amazing community.
Click here to join now during our Grand Opening Celebration!
I look forward to introducing you to this dynamic community and welcoming you to our Smart Women's Coaching Café™!
All best wishes in your new endeavors,
Kathy Caprino
Smart Women's Coaching Café™
Contributing Expert |
| Wilton Singers Present
-- WINTER JAZZ --
Feb. 29th and March 1st, 2008
Brubeck Room, Wilton Library,
Wilton CT, 8pm 
For those of you who are local and love jazz, I'd like to let you know about a terrific upcoming jazz concert event to be held at the Wilton, CT library on Feb. 29th and March 1st, 2008, 8 pm.
My husband, renowned jazz percussionist Arthur Lipner ( www.arthurlipner.com), will be featured along with several other special guests. I will be singing in the concert as well, with the Wilton Singers.
Hope to see you there!
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 Kathy Caprino, MA is an executive, life, and career transition coach, author, and speaker specializing in helping midlife professionals reclaim the direction of their lives for greater fulfillment, passion, and joy.
Kathy is the author of the forthcoming book Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Women's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose (Berrett-Koehler, Fall 2008), and presents regularly to professional women at corporations, women's events and conferences about navigating successfully through major transition in personal and professional life.
For more information about Kathy's seminars and programs, please contact:
Web:
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