Greetings, and Happy Birthday Geminis!

Today's my birthday, and I am particularly energized and excited about the possibilities on this special day, after a long bout of moving backwards or sideways (retrogrades tend to do that!).

This month's newsletter is dedicated to helping you weather the discomfort of starting a new chapter in your life.  Have you been feeling wobbly or less than competent in starting something new and unfamiliar?  Or are you struggling with what "should" be working but isn't?  If so, read on for tips from the wonderful and inspiring coach Cheryl Richardson (thanks for sharing, Cheryl!) for dealing successfully with the "impostor" mode that all of us experience when we embark on a new beginning.

I remember when I was writing my first book Breakdown Breakthrough, that I longed to arrive at the "expert" phase of having my own book.  I must laugh now (lovingly) because once the book was published, I was launched into the most extreme state of "inexpertise" that I'd ever faced!  Dealing with top media, learning to be a powerful advocate and spokesperson for working women...all of it was so important to me, yet I felt like such a newbie initially - I must say, it was highly uncomfortable. 

But as Cheryl points out below, as we keep on keeping on, and receive support of those who believe in us unconditionally, we move through this "impostor" phase, and arrive on the other side confident about what we know, and open to admitting what we don't.  I'm embarking on a new book now; but unlike before, I have a clue about what I don't know, and I'm fine with that!

I hope you'll take on that new project, idea, job, or experience that you've been longing to.  Now's the time to become "consciously incompetent!" and have great fun doing it.

To support you, I'd love to help you create your own Women's Breakthrough Group, at your work and home.  I'm happy to facilitate it, or help you lead it, as you wish.  Please write me at kathy@elliacommunications.com to explore the possibilities!

Thank you for reading and sharing.  Please write about your experiences of "feeling like a fraud" as you've embarked on a new life chapter, and share how you've moved through that discomfort successfully.  Post your stories on my Ellia blog. 

Also, please check out the blog "Get Inspired" from the Make Mine a Million Dollar Business program, sponsored by Count Me In For Women's Economic Independence.  I'm a new blogger for Make Mine a Million, and as a member of the M3 community, I've found great support.  I hope you'll get inspired too!

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy 

P.S. It's official!  I'm co-authoring an exciting new book with Mike Jaffe (see www.jaffelifedesign.com) about vital and life-altering lessons learned from 9/11 survivors who, through random acts of fate, were saved and have dramatically changed their lives because of it.  Read the Call for Participation for more!

by Cheryl Richardson

Years ago, when I worked for a consulting firm that helped displaced workers learn job search skills, I was given a model of the learning process to use with clients as they navigated the uncomfortable waters of starting a new job.  Regardless of how talented or experienced a client was, the new beginning always provoked stress and tension.  As a matter of fact, I quickly discovered that the smarter the client, the more vulnerable he or she felt when starting a new job.  Being well-prepared by understanding the process of learning always reduced the anxiety and allowed them to do their best work.

Stepping into the world of radio gave me a chance (once again) to use this valuable model on myself.  In the beginning, I was pretty stressed out.  Just moments before my first show, I could barely contain my fear.  My throat went dry, my palms were sweaty, and I could actually feel my insides shaking.  But I got on the air anyway.  In spite of my anxiety and dread, I entered into the first stage of learning called: Consciously Incompetent.

Stage 1 - Consciously Incompetent - In this stage, most of us feel vulnerable, anxious and uneasy because we're beginners and we know we don't know.  We're entering new territory without a map of experience.  And, what makes matters more difficult is that our inner critic tends to remind us of this fact over and over again.  I call this the "fraud stage," when we live in constant fear of being seen for what we are - incompetent beginners.  This stage requires lots of support, deep breathing, and compassion for oneself.  Otherwise, you'll drive yourself nuts.  It also requires something more - the inner strength to hang in there so you can give this new beginning a fair chance.

There were plenty of times during the first few months of doing the show when I wanted to quit.  I told myself it wasn't as fun as I imagined it to be.  I hated the anxiety I felt on Sunday nights (my show airs on Monday), and I questioned whether or not I had the talent to make it work.  But with the support of people who worked in the field, my staff, and good friends who knew how much I loved radio, I was encouraged to stay on the air.  I'm so glad I did.  Once I had a few months under my belt, I started to relax.  I still felt nervous at the start of every show, but the anxiety diminished pretty quickly as I began to work with callers.  When I made mistakes (and trust me, there were plenty!), I simply chalked it up to the learning process and moved on.  I was now entering the next stage of learning: Consciously Competent.

Stage 2 - Consciously Competent - This is the stage when you get some experience under your belt and you start to feel more at ease with your abilities.  You know what you're doing (at least the basics) and you can breathe a little easier and actually enjoy your work.  As you keep at it, you develop a confident inner voice that gently tells the inner critic to step back and be quiet.  Once you get to this stage, you're in a much better position to make wise choices about whether or not to continue.  And you finally get to enjoy what you're doing.  Then, before you know it, you slip into stage three: Unconsciously Competent.

Stage 3 - Unconsciously Competent - This stage is where the fun begins!  You know what you know.  You know what you don't know.  And you're fine with both.  During this stage, there are certain aspects of your work that you no longer need to think about because the actions just come naturally. The funny thing about this stage is that we finally realize that an expert, a true expert, is someone who's not afraid to admit what they don't know.  When they get stuck, they're not afraid to admit it and they no longer feel foolish asking for help.

I have no doubt that just about everyone reading this newsletter is starting something new - a relationship, a job, a business, a life on your own, or maybe a move to a new neighborhood.  If you're in the consciously incompetent stage, take a deep breath and know you're not alone.  Reach out for support, give your fear a voice rather than keep it inside, and be patient.  We all have to pass through this stage to get to the joy on the other side.  You never know, you might be entering one of the most extraordinary periods of your life.

Take Action Challenge

If you're one of the millions of people starting something new, be gentle with yourself.  Print out this newsletter and reread it throughout the week.  Let it serve as a reminder that being a beginner is just a normal stage of a blossoming new life.

And come visit me on the radio, Monday, at 5pm ET at hayhouseradio.com!______________________________________________________
Excerpted from Life Makeover for the Year newsletter, by Cheryl Richardson.  Life Makeover For The Year 2009 (sm) is written and produced by Cheryl Richardson. © Copyright 1999-2009. Cheryl Richardson, P.O. Box 13, Newburyport, MA 01950. www.cherylrichardson.com. All rights reserved.  Used with permission.