Hello and Happy Halloween (almost)!

I've been speaking and coaching a tremendous amount these days about work-life balance for working women (including at Fortune 50 corporations), and it's evident that this crisis isn't getting better - it's getting worse due to the economic downturn and the tremendous strain it has placed on our nation.

There has been so much written about the topic of work-life balance, but from my perspective, the vast majority of it doesn't get at the heart of the problem - the root causes. We're offered tactics and strategies, but these won't be effective until we address full-on the contributing factors and the context in which women struggle, and shift ourselves internally to power up and take decisive and empowered action. Until we do that, I'm afraid (and frankly, I'm sure) that nothing will change.

What are the contributing factors of the crisis of work-life balance? I see them this way:

A. The Current Career Model Doesn't Work for Women

The predominant male competitive career model has been, up until now, slow to recognize and respect women's differences. The work landscape has changed dramatically, and despite the headlines that women are gaining headway in the workforce, this long-standing model has four key elements that don't work for women and must be modified.

These elements that don't fit women:

1. a bias for linear or continuous employment histories

2. an over-emphasis on "full-time" and "face-time;"

3. the expectation that "ambitious" professionals will be most committed in their 30s (when many women are having babies)

4. a guiding principle that money and power are primary motivators

These criteria for "success" simply don't fit the majority of women today. The consequence...women are trying desperately to succeed at something that inherently represents failure to them.

B. Women are shouldering the vast majority of domestic responsibility, even when they work outside the home, and even when they are the primary breadwinners. Women simply can't do two full-time roles - they'll break trying.

C. Insufficient Role Models - There are very few role models or visible women leaders and professionals who are balancing both family and high-powered career in ways that inspire and motivate other women to do the same. We're just not seeing it happen - and seeing is believing.

D. Lack of Support and Empowered Development - In general, there is a gaping lack of empowering programs and development initiatives in corporate America for professional women nationwide, despite a lot of talk to the contrary. (My ultimate professional goal is to make a difference by filling this gap with powerful and motivating corporate programs and initiatives for women, with metrics and analytical tools that will track the efficacy of these programs).

What can women do about it?

Women need to:

1. Get out of denial about how things are going for them

2. Gain clarity and a rock-solid vision about what they really want for their lives

3. Take empowered, bold action to get it

We must fight for change, for what matters uniquely to each of us, and for balancing what we want to be as individuals in this world, with what we long to contribute as professionals. This isn't just going to fall in our laps.

Below is an article on "Why You Can't Find Balance, and Why You Won't Until You Take These Steps." I hope you'll read this article, share your experiences and views on my Ellia blog, and add your voice to this discussion. We need your voice and your contribution - together we can make a difference and make the changes we long for most.

Thank you for being a part of this true breakthrough movement for women.

Best wishes,

Kathy

P.S. This is the last chance to register for my Achieve Your Life Breakthrough 6-week workshop (see below). Please join us!

P.P.S - Please forward this newsletter to anyone you know who is struggling with work-life balance, or who is an advocate for professional women and wishes to be an agent of positive change.

6-Week Breakthrough Workshop with Kathy Caprino

"Every day you don't take action toward breakthrough, is a day that is stolen from your life."

6 Weeks - Monday evenings, 6:00- 8:00 pm, $495
November 2, 9, 16, 23, 30, Dec. 7
Total Life Care Center, Norwalk, CT  

Do you long for a true breakthrough?

This 6-week workshop will help you understand what you want most in your life and/or career, gain an understanding of what is missing or needing change to bring you joy and success, and identify concrete steps to achieve the breakthrough you long for most.

The program is perfect for anyone struggling with the 12 "hidden" challenges women face today, including:

• Suffering from chronic health problems
  Failing health-a chronic illness or ailment-that won't respond to treatment

• Losing your "voice"
  Contending with a crippling inability to speak up-unable to be an advocate for yourself or others, for fear of criticism, rejection, or punishment

• Facing mistreatment and crushing competition
  Being treated badly, even intolerably, at work-and choosing to stay

• Feeling trapped by financial fears
  Remaining in a damaging situation solely because of money

• Wasting real talents
  Realizing your work no longer fits and desperately wanting to use your natural talents and abilities

• Struggling to balance life and work
  Trying-and failing-to balance it all, and feeling like you're letting down who and what matters most

• Doing work that feels wrong
  Longing to reconnect with the "real me"-and do work you love

Each week for six weeks, in a small, informal group we will meet to help you:

1. Step Back - Gain clarity on what you want

2. Let Go - of what's in the way of achieving success

3. Say Yes! - Identify your compelling visions for the future

4. Plan It - Create an effective game plan that will bring you success 

Through powerful breakthrough coaching, group discussion, exercises, and exploration, you'll gain the support you need to make the life and career changes you desire most.

You'll go from confused and stuck to, "I know what I want and I know how to get it!"

PROGRAM FEE: $495 for six-week program

TO REGISTER: CLICK HERE

FOR MORE INFO: CLICK HERE

Don't wait.  Space is limited to 10 participants per workshop and seats go quickly, see Achieve Your Life Breakthrough! 4-month, 4-step program.

By Kathy Caprino

Women today are more stressed, strained and sick than ever, as these economic times have hit families, workplaces and corporate America so very hard. If women's plates were full before, now they're piled sky-high, and teeter-tottering on the edge of the table, ready to crash onto the floor, breaking into a million pieces.

I have strong viewpoints (founded by years of direct high-level corporate experience, coaching work with thousands, and national research with women) about work-life balance and why women can't have it as their lives are today, unless they claim it.

The views below -- based on thousands of women's voices -- aren't easy to hear, but are important to share nonetheless, so here they are:

You won't ever have work-life balance or come even close to it, unless you power yourself to claim it. Here's what's necessary.

1) You've got to fight for it.

Corporate America was built on the foundations of a "white male competitive career model" that simply doesn't fit women. Jack Welch's recent comments about women and balance are old-fashioned, outmoded, and out of touch - they don't reflect the future, and what's going to be the new frontier for the American workplace. In the not so distant future, there will be a new model (hopefully in our lifetimes) - one that makes room for women and for what they uniquely need and want. But we've got to fight for it.

If you're in corporate America at a mid to high level, for instance, and are being asked to do the impossible (do the work of three people, work until 3am, produce reports and analyses that are an utter waste of time but take hundreds of collective hours each month to prepare, come in for 8am Monday meetings that are meaningless, and unproductive, etc.), then you MUST speak up. You must fight for what's right and sensible and good business practice. If your team is breaking down and so are you, then you simply can't continue this way. You must speak up and fight.

If you can't speak up on your own (because you'll be crushed down by the machine), then find another way to make your voice heard. Build a collective forum of like-minded women who can speak together, or find empowered female and male mentors and leaders who can speak for you. Or go outside the company to networking meetings and events (and by the way, continually interview at other companies to keep your options and your mind open), and learn from others how they are making a positive difference, and making it work.

(FYI, for those men and women who are advocates for other women in their workplace, here is a list of initiatives that employers must take [see http://tinyurl.com/oz7rsw] to support women in the workforce today).

Things won't change unless you fight for them to. Demand what's right and necessary for your health, sanity, and for good business practice, or you'll end up feeling so exhausted, beaten down, and demoralized that you'll drop out of the game. Dropping out is fine, if you're doing it consciously, with awareness and choice, and feel empowered in it.

Which path do you want to take? Which path do you consciously choose? I know you believe you don't have any options right now, but you always have options and choices. Everything you do is a CHOICE. Figure out what choices you truly want to make.

2) You've got to ask for help at home, and deal with the consequences

You simply can't feel healthy and balanced when you're working like a dog at your job, and then come home and work like a dog there too. It's not possible.

You must ask your spouse, children and others for support, to do their share, to step up to their responsibilities as fully-functioning members of the household. And/or you need to hire help where it's essential and where you can. Your husband may complain and say he can't do any more. If that's what he says, it's critical to sit down together and analyze at the distribution of labor, and make it fairer. It's up to you to do this. He won't volunteer for this.

If you're an overfunctioner (doing more than what's necessary, healthy or appropriate - and the vast majority of women are), then your family and friends are used to you overfunctioning, and they (subconsciously) don't want you to stop.

You have to shift yourself first - internally - and commit to stop doing too much, and decide what you'll scale back on, then do it. Next, you'll have to deal with your family's initial anger and anxiety that suddenly, you're not doing everything. It destabilizes the family dynamic at first, when you shift into doing only what's appropriate -- not more -- and it's not easy. But you'll find a new stability, and they'll get over it, and so will you.

You'll feel better, stronger, happier, less angry, and more like yourself again when you stop doing EVERYTHING. But you must strengthen your boundaries so that you can handle the fear, insecurity, guilt and shame you'll feel initially at not being everything to everyone.

3) Stop being angry and start being accountable.

Finally, it's time to stop feeling angry, disrespected, depressed, resentful, overburdened, victimized, and powerless. If you experience these emotions regularly, your life is asking you to grow, strengthen, and be accountable for how you are living and what you're creating. No more excuses.

I know how hard this is to accomplish. Just this morning, I blew it again, and got really angry for doing more than I should have for my children. I should have asked my husband to step in and help, but I didn't ask. That's a common trait in me that I must be ever vigilant to detect, weed out, and revise. I tend to get angry and yell when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, but after I calm down, I see clearly how I simply offered (out of feeling like I HAD to) to do too much that day, and then blamed everyone else for it. This type of behavior is very deeply rooted and dies hard, let me tell you.

So, my friends, today's the day. Let's all figure out:

What specifically and concretely are you angry and exhausted about?
What are you taking on that's too much - more than is healthy, appropriate and necessary?
Why are you doing it? What are your deepest fears around not doing everything, and being everything? What consequences are you deeply afraid of, if you say "no"?
To whom do you need to speak up? What must you let go of?
If you're in a job that chronically works you to the bone, and no one listens to your pleas and demands for moderation, I'd suggest this:

Figure out what you really want for your professional and family life:

• Look at the real options at hand - get yourself out of your box and look at what's truly possible

• Make a plan to get what you want

• Power Up and Stand Up for yourself - strengthen yourself, your voice and your boundaries

• Find an empowered outside helper/mentor/coach to help you create the life you really want

Today's action step - Don't waste another minute blaming someone else. It's your life - claim it. What one person, action, or limiting, negative belief can you say NO to, today?

Share your views and experiences on the Ellia blog!