Revising "Small" Thinking
Uncovering Thoughts That Hold Us Back
In developing my book I Can't Do This!, I've needed to critically analyze the internal process I use in coaching and therapy to help clients gain empowerment and move down a path of expansion rather than diminishment and hopelessness.
I've found that a key component of my process is bringing to light the various forms of "small thinking" my clients experience - the limited, negative and hope-crushing ways of perceiving life and oneself, including one's assumptions, beliefs and projections that keep one wedded to the experience of ineptitude, worthlessness, or "smallness."
Small thinking creeps in constantly for women. I see now how my own small thinking has kept me from pursuing what I dreamed of for myself for many years. In fact, it brings me sadness to contemplate the time I lost in my own small thinking, but I realize somehow that all is as it should be.
I believe that what's required to release ourselves from the negative effects of small thinking is a hyper-vigilance in weeding out this thinking, and replacing it with larger, self-affirming and possibility-engendering thinking. We need to focus on thoughts that make us feel better, give us hope and relief, and support our trust in ourselves and in our own power to make positive change in our world.
To assess the tendency for smallness in your thinking, ask yourself these intriguing questions:
When/if you've been unsuccessful at a particular endeavor, do you beat yourself up and say "See, I knew I couldn't do this?"
When something is creating a deep challenge for you, do you project onto it a much bigger fear or issue?
Do you forget that this too shall pass and that your current situation is NOT forever?
Do you believe that when you fail, it's the failure that matters (it isn't).
Do you become hopeless and resentful when, after trying and trying something, the desired outcome doesn't occur?
Do you look for validation and approval in all the wrong places?
If so, here are a few tips that I've found to be beneficial in moving myself and others away from small thinking:
Pick an area you feel discouraged about now. For the next week, observe closely all of your thinking and questioning about this topic/area. Each time you think about this issue, ask yourself "Is this small thinking or big thinking?" In other words, does your thinking imply "I can't handle this" or does it suggest instead "I can and I will be successful in time."
Each time you have an "I Can't Do This!" type of thought, say to yourself "There goes another small thought," and then let it go. Make a mental check mark. (Count up all the small thoughts you've had in a day - you'll be amazed at the number.)
Don't judge yourself, or indulge in thinking even smaller thoughts about your small thought!
When you notice a small thought, after letting it go, replace it with a thought that is bigger and that feels good.
Examples of big thoughts are:
"Despite my limitations, I know I can and will rise to this new challenge."
"I'm working to close my 'gaps' and I know that takes some time and inner work."
"For good reasons that I'm not fully aware at this time, this opportunity did not come to pass as I had hoped. Another great opportunity will, and I'll be ready."
"I'm on a learning curve, and it is expected and natural that there will be some bumps."
"Rejection doesn't mean that I'm not good. It means that the fit wasn't right at this time."
"That person's reaction to me is more about him/her than about me. What can I learn from this?"
_____________________________________________
I believe we're naturally good at big thinking, but have learned through misguidance and fear to limit our thinking and lower our expectations to avoid being hurt. But those who've overcome small thinking show it. They make it a habit of saying to themselves and others as much as possible (and living it): "Dream and think big for yourself, your life and your work - the world will thank you for it."
As Viktor Frankl said in his groundbreaking book Man's Search for Meaning, "...Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
How true...
******************************************************************
Where have you experienced smallness in your thinking?
How have you revised and expanded it?
What has happened because of it?
Please feel free to share your thoughts on these questions in my blog at www.caprinocoach.blogspot.com. Thank you! KC
