Posts Tagged ‘Breakdown Breakthrough’

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10 Ways to Be Better, Not Bitter Through Deep Challenge

Monday, July 18th, 2011

Working as a therapist and career coach over these past eight years, I’ve seen what life can do to people.  I’ve observed deep trauma and crisis, such as when a beloved spouse abandons his/her family for another lover, exclaiming to the marital partner of 20 years, “I’m sorry, but I never loved you.”

I’ve seen drug addiction and alcoholism ruin people’s futures.  I’ve witnessed cruelty, obsession, abuse, and despair, and watched uncontrolled midlife crisis wreak havoc on families.  And I’ve watched these harsh economic times bring men and women to their knees.

All through it, I’ve seen people broken by their despair, as well as those who have risen above – who’ve become better, not bitter.

How do some people turn their crises into fuel for positive change, while others become angry, resentful, victimized, and hopeless – beaten by their challenges?

There are 10 traits I’ve observed in those who find a way to be better, not bitter, after tribulation and crisis.  These 10 traits are:

1.   They remain accountable.  They realize their part in what’s happened to them, and don’t play the victim game.

2.   They are optimistic.  Despite what’s happened, they hold tight to a hope for a brighter future.

3.  They are well-boundaried. They know where they begin, and others end.  They keep compassion alive in their hearts, despite what’s happening around them, and they tune out the negativity, gossip and cruel judgments others throw at them.

4.   They ask for help. They reach out for support when they need it, and they get it.

5.   They find lessons in their challenges. They seek to learn and grow from all their experiences, and refuse to be broken by them.

6.   They avoid self-hatred and self-reproach.  They know they’ve made some big mistakes – and admit them full out — but find a way to be self-accepting and forgiving through it all.

7.   They revise their negative behaviors. They understand that repeating the same negative behaviors and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity.  They change their ways.

8. They let go of the need to control. They have an ability to bend and be flexible, and go with the flow of what life gives them.  They don’t break themselves against what comes their way.

9. They see a bigger picture than what is before them. Despite how bleak the moment may appear, they have a deep sense of connection to the world and to life, and they sense that there’s a bigger picture unfolding than what meets the eye.

10. They have the courage to embrace change. As scary as change can be, they embrace it and accept that it is within change that expansion — and a richer, more satisfying life — lies.

If you’ve faced tremendous challenges these past several  years but want to be better, not bitter, take a look at these traits, and examine the degree to which these match your behaviors.  The closer you come to embracing these traits, the freer you’ll be from the sadness, regret, and limitations of your past.  You’ll let go of what isn’t working, and you’ll co-create a new future that is more joyful and rewarding than you ever imagined.

Are you stuck in bitter, or flowing towards “better?”

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Challenges, Empowerment, Men and Women, Wake Up Calls | 16 Comments »

Why Midlife Rocks Your World

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

I was speaking today with a wonderful client of mine – let’s call her “Carol,” who shared a story about her views of midlife BEFORE she had arrived in midlife, and then what happened when her 40’s came.

She shared,

It’s funny – when I was my early 30’s, and I’d hear about someone having a ‘midlife crisis,’ I’d think to myself, “Wow, I don’t really get that.  I’m focused, doing what I need to, experiencing success, the kids are good, things are moving along well.  I can’t imagine waking up to wanting a whole new life or finding out that what I have I don’t want.”

But when I turned 43, something happened.  I awakened somehow – after a series of tough events and challenges — to wanting more, wanting different.  It’s like I suddenly saw my whole life differently through the eyes of a middle-ager.  The career I spent years rising to the top of, somehow lost its hold on me – it felt empty and unimportant, silly almost.  My relationship with my husband had some serious problems too over the years that took a terrible toll on me, but I never allowed myself to stop and look at that – I just powered through it all.  

Now that my kids are older and I’m not needed in the same, day-to-day way, I find that I truly want a different life – a life that’s mine – based on what I value and what I love.  I don’t want to just push down what isn’t working.  I want to bring it out and resolve it, or let it go. 

I get it now – a “midlife crisis” isn’t a cliché.  It’s real and it’s powerful. 

Carol speaks for thousands of folks who’ve awakened in midlife to realizing that what they’ve created in their 20s and 30s just doesn’t fit who they’ve become. (You can read about my midlife breakthrough in my book Breakdown Breakthrough).

Why is midlife a time of major transition?

I’ve observed that the following contribute to our re-awakening in midlife and wanting change:

1)  A time of reckoning and re-evaluation – Realizing that your life is potentially more than half over is a jarring experience, and brings with it a sense of urgency to live more authentically, more joyfully.  At 50, we just want different things than we did at 30.

2)  Kids are out of the house – Without the pressing parenting responsibilities that can be all-consuming, there’s room to think, room to breathe, and quiet space to hear yourself dream.

3)  Friends start to die – My husband and I discussed this just yesterday, that a number of our 50+-year-old friends have died – from sudden illness, cancer, heart attack, etc.  When your friends die, you think hard.

4)  Longings won’t be suppressed – After working so hard crafting a “successful” life, we get tired of it.  Instead of some outward version of “success,” we long for joy, excitement, passion, peace — we want to live life more fully, on our terms.

5) We know how to speak up – We won’t be talked down to anymore.  We’ve lived through that, and we’ve learned how to stand up, speak up and power up.  We won’t tolerate put downs, manipulation or pressure like we used to.

6)  We’ve finally earned it – Finally, after all you’ve strived for, accomplished, created, and achieved, you know what you’re capable of.  You won’t stand for less.  You have the confidence and the courage to embrace the idea that’s been skulking around in your mind for years.  You’re ready to admit, “This can’t be all there is.  I know there’s more for me.”

So, my friends, if you’re in midlife and wondering why everything looks and feels different, don’t be alarmed.  It’s a natural, normal life progression – a stage that doesn’t have to represent hell. 

But don’t resist it and break yourself against it like a rock – embrace it.  Let yourself look into the deep recesses of your heart, mind, and soul, to find clues of who you want to become now, and what you want to create in this next thrilling chapter.  It’s a new time, waiting for a fuller, more expansive you.

Midlife can pave the way to a glorious reclamation of your passion, power and purpose – go for it!

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Following Your Dreams, Kathy Caprino, Support for Change, Wake Up Calls | 3 Comments »

The Top Six Reasons People Want to Leave Their Careers

Monday, July 11th, 2011

(Thrilled that this piece was published on Forbes.com last week!)

As a career and executive coach, I’ve spoken with hundreds of professionals who’ve shared some version of, “I really want to leave my job and change my career, but I’m not sure what to do or where to go from here.”

If I’ve heard this message once, I’ve heard it 1000 times now.  People spend years crafting careers that appear successful on the outside, only to find that at some point, usually in midlife, the career comes up short. It’s missing a vital component (or several) that turns the work into something dreaded – less than fulfilling, lacking in purpose, unstable, inauthentic, unsustainable, or a combination of all of the above.

I’ve personally lived this experienced as well – waking up at age 40 to depression, exhaustion, chronic illness, lack of ability to balance my family life and work, and feeling completely disengaged from the corporate professional identity I’d spent 18 years forging (see Breakdown Breakthrough for more).

Why are so many folks miserable in their work and long for change?

Here’s what I’ve found to be the top six reasons people are dissatisfied with their work and want out:

1. Balance: They find it impossible to balance work and outside/family life
2. Money: The money they earn isn’t enough to sustain them or their families
3. Skills: The skills and talents required for their work aren’t are a good fit
4. Respect: They feel chronically undervalued or mistreated
5. Meaning: They experience little positive meaning or purpose in their work
6. Struggle: It’s simply too hard to keep going with it

In short, they’re saying: “I don’t know what I want, but I know it’s not this.”

As the economy rallies, more and more employees are asking themselves, “Can I leave my job yet?”  But I’ve discovered that if the above challenges aren’t effectively addressed in some core way BEFORE you leave your current job or career, they’ll follow you wherever you go. 

If the above describes your experience, read on for some tips to help you create the change you want — away from feeling trapped, toward feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today.

1) Commit Yourself to What You Want

A fulfilling, satisfying life is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it with concentrated, continual effort.  You have to work it. 

How?  First, figure out what is the most important thing in the whole world to you.  What matters more than anything else?  (For more on this, see Ric Elias’ moving TED Talk on 3 Lessons I Learned As My Plane Crashed). 

Formulate this priority in terms of a “to be” statement such as “to be a great parent” or “to be a successful entrepreneur” or “to be a helper of others.”   Then commit yourself to honoring this priority.  Stop over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go being perfect in the areas that don’t matter to you.

2) Refine Your Focus

Do you know exactly which talents and skills are easy and natural for you to use, that give your work a sense of purpose?  Do you know what type of work would represent an ideal fit? Are you in touch with your core values, standards of integrity and life goals? 

We have to understand our unique answers to these questions before we even contemplate making a major career change.  Why? Because if you don’t understand who you are and what you want uniquely, you’ll end up making career change based on the wrong reasons and incomplete information, and the new career will disappoint you once again.

Take my Career Path Assessment (CLICK HERE to access the free Assessment survey) and figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again. Then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap your true and natural talents more frequently and deeply.

3) Access the Courage to Make Change

During the eight years I’ve been a career coach, I’ve literally met thousands of miserable, depressed professionals who share their story of misery, but then do nothing concrete about it.  I’ve analyzed why this is so – why so many people remain paralyzed in their misery – and I have some hypotheses as to what holds us back from life change (stay tuned for an upcoming blog post on that). 

But what I do know is that if you don’t take concrete action that is different in content and process from what you’ve done before, your life and career will not change.

In the end, you can’t solve a problem on the level it was created.

Whether you’re in your own business and it’s simply not working, or the job you’re in brings too much struggle every day, it’s time for change.  Let’s face it, most of us wait until there’s a full-blown crisis (read about the 12 “hidden” crises working women face) before we do something different.  I’ve personally lived through all 12 of the major crises professional women face, so I get it.  But I’m asking you NOT to make the same mistakes I did.  Get outside your own head, and get outside help to figure out what you really want, and how to get it.

So, what’s your top reason for wanting out of your line of work?  And are you ready to do something about it?

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Challenges, Empowerment, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino | 3 Comments »

The Seven Key Traits of a Great Leader

Monday, March 21st, 2011

In the past several months, I’ve immersed myself in the process of understanding more about what makes a truly great leader in the corporate world.  I’ve also explored the current research and thinking about women’s leadership styles and approaches versus men’s, and I’ve compared what others are saying to my own experiences and research with women in corporate leadership positions.   I’m also focusing my own work now on helping women grow their leadership capabilities and reach their highest potential as leaders.

It’s been a fascinating journey of learning which has led me to reframe some of my views about what it takes to be a positive leader who, through her own vision, efforts, and energy, can bring about deeply instrumental change in our world and our workforce.

From where I sit today, great leadership is comprised of these seven behavioral traits:

The leader…

1)      Embodies the way – She thinks, acts and behaves in ways that are congruent to what she holds to be true and valuable, in her company and in her world. She is a role model in every way for what she stands for and what she espouses.

2)      Inspires a shared vision – She envisions what is possible for the future, and infuses tremendous positive spirit and energy into that vision, allowing everyone who interacts with her a window into what is possible through collaboration, cooperation and contribution.

3)      Challenges content and process – She understands that adhering to the status quo and accepting things as they are is not the pathway to change and growth.  She uncovers new (yet unthreatening) ways of thinking, being, and doing – and encourages others to do the same — in both “content” and “process. ”  These new ways allow for greater expansion and success.

4)      Empowers others – She invests time, energy and commitment in empowering and engaging others, building their self-reliance, independence and growth as individuals and as collaborators.

5)      Integrates the whole – She understands that when people bring their whole selves to a task, and when unity can be achieved rather than compartmentalization, the outcome is much greater than the sum of the parts.  She is an integrated individual herself, and fosters integration and wholeness in others and throughout the organization.

6)      Supports inclusion over hierarchy – She operates under the belief that inclusion is preferred over exclusion, and centrality is preferred over hierarchy.  She doesn’t long to sit alone at the top.  Instead, she wants to be in the center (in other words, at the heart) of a large and effective web of inclusion that does what it sets out to do, with ease, clarity, grace, and focus (for more on the web of inclusion, see Sally Helgesen’s The Web of Inclusion and The Female Advantage)

7)      Fosters the heart and spirit – Finally, she creates a supportive, healthy environment that allows all those involved to behave, think, and perform from a heart-based place, where they can feel and experience themselves as personally and professionally aligned.  She shapes an organization in which there is a solid common ground between what the individual wants and what the company wants from the individual.  Employees are able to engage their hearts and spirits in their work, rather than being diminished, penalized or alienated for being true to who they really are. 

(For more in-depth coverage on several of these ideas, check out The Leadership Challenge, by Kouzes and Posner.  The ideas above represent my female perspective on some of its teachings).

*  *  *  *  *

In the end, the great visionary leader knows that the best and most effective organizations foster individuals’ natural talents, growth, strength, and self-reliance.  They nurture employees’ ability to connect to who they truly are.  Further, great leaders allow individuals to demonstrate at work what they know to be true of themselves, as well as give form to their life intentions in ways that are in service to the organization as well as the community and world at large. 

In my lifetime, I’ve had the chance to serve under only a very small number of great leaders.  But I know this to be true – when you do, it can be a life-changing experience.

So, what are your thoughts on the above leadership traits?  Does your view of great corporate leadership match mine?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

Which behavioral traits do you think are essential for an effective and compelling leader?  And how do you think men and women are different as corporate leaders? Thanks for sharing!

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Empowerment, Featured, Kathy Caprino, Leadership, Men vs. Women at Work, success, Women in Leadership | 4 Comments »

Do America’s Employers Really Care about Women’s Issues?

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Last Thursday, I had a wonderfully powerful meeting with three inspiring colleagues who are authors affiliated with the publisher of my book Breakdown Breakthrough – Berrett-Koehler Publishers.  Each of these folks has a breadth of knowledge and diversity of experience that boggles the mind – they are exciting to be with, and fascinating to learn from.  They are Larry Ackerman of The Identity Circle, Jesse Stoner of The Seapoint Center, and Katherine Armstrong. (Thanks, my friends, for a deeply enlivening gathering!)  I highly recommend following their work – you’ll be glad you did.

Based on what happened in our gathering, I’m reminded once again of the immense power of groups, and the transformative effect of open-hearted, authentic connection and collaboration. 

One question we explored a bit that is near and dear to my heart was this – Do American employers really care about women’s issues in the workplace, or about advancing women into the ranks of corporate leadership?  

I’m saddened to say that based on my work with thousands of women nationwide from hundreds of organizations around the country, I’m not at all convinced that a critical mass of U.S. employers care about advancing women to the senior ranks, or are ready to commit hard dollars to it – not yet.   Data speaks, and today, women represent only 15% of the leadership in U.S. corporations.

In other countries (Norway, for instance), there are official, stated mandates and goals for the number of women who are to be supported to advance to leadership within corporations.  As far as I know, no such stated goals or mandates exist today in the U.S. Further, the U.S. ranks 72nd in the world, in terms of the percentage of women leaders elected to a national governing body, behind Cuba and China.   How can this be? And why is it?

The word on the street in my consulting and coaching circles is that “women’s issues don’t pay,” and “women’s empowerment efforts just don’t get traction.”  I believe this has indeed been true here in the US during the past years, and I want to get to the bottom of this notable lack of a sanctioned commitment to advancing women in corporate leadership. 

What do you think are the real reasons behind this?

From the qualitative research I’ve conducted, there are numerous possible explanations, including:

1)      Those of us who care about this cause haven’t made a compelling enough fact-based argument to government or to American corporate leadership that advancing women is a MUST HAVE for the success of American business.

And/Or

2)      We HAVE made a compelling argument with irrefutable data, research, and statistics, but the underlying “white male competitive career model” in place in corporate America remains intractable.

And/Or

3)      As with most things in life, if we’re not forced to change (by an outside intervention, event or mandate), we won’t shift, even if we know we’re currently not on the right track.

I’m on a mission to address all of these issues, and to support a breakthrough movement for corporate women.   For instance, I’m in the process of co-developing a new software assessment tool (based on my yearlong research and book Breakdown Breakthrough) that will help professional women explore their efficacy, productivity and engagement in their current job and workplace.  It aims to uncover too the risk level of women in all ranks of experiencing at least one of the 12 common yet “hidden” crises working women face today.  Where risk is widespread, we’ll provide follow-up support and training to help women overcome these crises. 

Secondly, I’m focused on the development of new leadership training models and consulting programs that will help both men and women in corporate America deconstruct the outmoded “ male competitive career model” that many workplaces still support, and build a new, inclusive model that honors and nurtures diversity. 

I simply refuse to give up.  For me, this outcome – of ushering women into the ranks of corporate leadership in greater and greater numbers each year — is a MUST have for American business.  Supporting a full-out breakthrough movement for women in America is where it’s at for me. 

So, what about you?  Do you think America truly cares about women’s issues as they relate to the workforce? Are you seeing evidence that corporations across the country are taking up the charge to help women grow in their leadership and management roles – and committing time, energy, and resources to this in an outward, measurable manner?  Are they walking the talk, or simply giving lip-service?

Please share your candid views and experience.   Tell me where I’m wrong – show me proof that corporate America does care in a big and widespread way about advancing women.  Show me where it’s working.  And tell me – What do you think we need to do today to make measurable strides in advancing a critical mass of women into corporate leadership.

Thank you for your input!

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Challenges, Kathy Caprino, Women in Business, Women in Leadership | 5 Comments »

Three Critical Success Steps for Professional Women

Sunday, January 16th, 2011

In the past several years, I’ve had the great pleasure of coaching and partnering with some amazing women in the U.S. – senior managers and leaders in Fortune 500 companies and non-profits who absolutely love their work, relish their roles, and feel they’re able to apply their many gifts and talents to achieve heart-aligned professional goals.  These women are fortunate indeed, but they’ve also co-created their great success through hard work, commitment, and dedication.

Yet even among women leaders who’ve accomplished much, I’ve observed one behavior that holds women back from greater leadership success.  It’s this – when women are concerned about their perceived weaknesses or knowledge gaps, they tend to isolate, and work hard to hide their “imperfections.”  They don’t realize that we simply can’t reach our potential if we don’t 1) admit the need for growth and 2) find empowering help to get it.

In order for professional women to stretch to reach their best, they need to take action to close their power gaps, and find support on a continual basis from inspiring, successful, heart-aligned women leaders.  But how?

Take these three action steps:

1)      Find a Visual Role Model/Mentor Who Inspires You – OUTSIDE of your company

Find an inspiring female mentor who is a living, breathing example of where you want to go and who you wish to be.  Make sure this female leader is speaking, behaving, managing and leading as you wish to. And have your most relied-upon mentor come from OUTSIDE of your firm.

 A wonderful client of mine mentioned to me that her male boss liked the idea of her finding a mentor, and recommended she use a fellow one level above her at the company as her mentor.  My response to that was, “Sure, that’s fine, but it’s not enough.”

You need to find a powerful mentor OUTSIDE your company as well, and make sure it’s a woman!  Yes, men can and will be wonderful supporters of your work, and you can find fabulous mentors within your company.  Do it. 

 But for the one mentor who is going to help you be all you wish to be, ask a female leader outside your immediate realm – someone with whom you can be perfectly authentic and candid —  a woman who will have your best interests at heart.  Find an individual who isn’t tempted to feel competitive with you, doesn’t have an agenda working with you, and isn’t compromised when you tell her exactly how you feel. 

Why choose a woman as your mentor?  Because we believe what we see – and when you interact closely with other powerful and enlightening female leaders who are expert at achieving their passion, power, and purpose at work, then you’ll be one step closer to that as well.

2)      Join Your Industry’s Best National and Regional Organizations for Women

As female leaders and managers, it’s essential that you connect with women in your region and nationally who are engaged in developing your profession and moving it forward for women. This is not to bash men, but corporate America was founded on a “white male competitive career model” that simply doesn’t fit a majority of women.   This will change – it has to.  But it will take a very long time. 

In the meantime, there are still powerful assumptions and expectations about what makes a successful professional that don’t, in general, align with thousands of women’s priorities, values and goals today.  (See my book Breakdown Breakthrough for more about this ill-fitting model and the 12 “hidden” crises working women face today).

So don’t wait. Locate the leading organizations in your field that support women, and join them.  Invest in membership (yes, my friends, you must invest in yourself) and become active in your chapter and nationally – it will change how you see yourself, your work, and your possibilities.

3)      Close Your “Power Gaps”

Finally, no matter who you are, you have insecurities (unless you’re a narcissist).  There will always be areas that you wish were stronger, that you’re afraid others will shine the light on, exposing your flaws and “weaknesses.”  It’s universal – we’re ALL afraid of being “found out” to some degree. 

So rather than spend any more precious time and energy hiding or over-compensating for the areas in which you need to grow,  get into the cage with your fears and do something about them.  Figure out exactly what training, education, credentials, experiences or new knowledge you need to acquire to feel more competent in your job, and go out and get them. And if you can, ask your employer to support you in this training and education.  Once you’ve addressed your perceived weaknesses, you’ll be amazed at how much more powerful and confident you feel and act.

Trust me when I say that getting help to courageously address your competency gaps will change you, and you’ll be delighted with the outcome.

What are your “power gaps?”  Where do you feel “less than?”  And who can serve as your powerful female mentor to help you overcome these gaps?

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Empowerment, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, Women in Leadership | No Comments »

The 12 Hidden Crises of Entrepreneurial Women

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

Several years ago I conducted a yearlong research study with over 100 working women across the country about professional crises in women and how we can reclaim our lives to overcome them.  I was astounded by the findings, and felt they were so universal and important for women, I wrote a book called Breakdown Breakthrough about these 12 crises, offering a three-step holistic model to break through these challenges once and for all.

Since the book came out in 2008, women from all over the country have written to me sharing sentiments such as, “You are writing to me, about me, and for me,” and “It’s as if you know exactly what I’m living and feeling!”  My research shows that 9 out of 10 working women are experiencing at least one of these 12 “hidden” crises, and on average, women are experiencing three at the same time!  And over half of these women don’t know what to do about it.

These 12 crises are not just tiny “bumps” in the road but full-out, serious challenges that are marked by chronic disempowered thinking and a serious lack of ability to move oneself forward in positive, powerful ways towards one’s goals and visions.

These 12 crises fall into four categories that represent how we relate to ourselves and the world. 

These four levels depict the nature of our:

  • Relationship with Ourselves
  • Relationship with Others
  • Relationship with the World
  • Relationship with Our Higher Selves

In general, each crisis is characterized by an “I can’t do this!” mantra, or some form of disempowered thinking, beliefs and actions.  The crises include:

  • “I can’t speak up for myself.”
  • “I can’t get out of this financial trap.”
  • “I can’t escape this crushing competition.”
  • “I can’t resolve my chronic health problems.”
  • “I don’t like who I’ve become.”
  • “I can’t use my real talents in my work.”
  • “I can’t balance life and work.”
  • “I can’t do work and play that I love.”

Entrepreneurial Women Face these Same Challenges

As I move forward with marketing consulting work for entrepreneurial women around the country, I’m finding that these same 12 crises are challenging women in their entrepreneurial ventures as well, and in the ways in which they view and run their businesses!

Entrepreneurial women are challenged on these same four levels:

Relationship With Themselves as Entrepreneurs 
Key issue: “Do I have what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur, and am I “good” or “smart” enough to run this business?”

Relationship With Others
Key issue: “How can I forge a mutually-beneficial and supporting relationship with clients, customers, colleagues, and peers?”

Relationship With The World
Key issue: “Am I using my real gifts and talents in this business, and is my business providing a service to the world that I care about delivering, that others need and want?”

Relationship With the Higher Self 
Key issue: “Does my business have a higher mission, vision and values that mean more  to me than simply making money?”

If you’re an entrepreneurial woman and are challenged with any of the above issues in your life and work, please know that there is indeed help out there for you, and these are very common challenges that entrepreneurial women face.  Also know that new thinking and actions can indeed shift you away from feeling disempowered and unable to tackle the issues at hand.  You can do this, and you can do it well, loving your work and thriving in the process. But you have to take action, and a kind of action that is different from what you normally would engage in.

There are four key steps to overcoming these types of challenges:

1. Step Back – to gain a fresh, empowered perspective of your situation and what it is telling you about what needs to change

2. Let Go – of the thinking, actions, and behaviors that are keeping you stuck and holding you back

3. Say Yes! – to your compelling future visions of your business and of your success as an entrepreneurial woman.

4. Create It – create a S.M.A.R.T. plan with concrete, measurable goals and action steps – and find someone to help you become accountable – for moving on your way to achieving your visions of success and fulfillment.

Try this experiment! Pick up a copy of my book Breakdown Breakthrough and read it.  (Commit to carving out a bit of time just for yourself over the holidays and read the chapters that really speak to you.)  As you read the book and the powerful stories and advice presented by women who have transformed their lives and work, focus specifically on the concepts and information that elicit a feeing of “resistance” in you – ideas or words that make you say to yourself, “Oh, I really don’t want to look at that,” or “That’s not me!”  Then take one, targeted action that will help you address the area you resist the most.

One of the most powerful concepts I learned in therapy training is, “What you resist, persists.”  Watch closely what you resist, because resistance is a sign that you’re overly attached to one particular view or approach, and you’ve closed yourself off from openly exploring other avenues.  I’ve found that the biggest breakthroughs, learning and growth come when we muster the courage to walk directly toward — and through — what we resist the most.

*  *  *  *  *

Let me know how the experiment works!  What is your deepest entrepreneurial struggle, and what did you learn when you mustered the courage to walk through your resistance to Say Yes! to yourself and your business.

Thank you for sharing, and wishing you many happy breakthroughs.

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Careers, Challenges, Empowerment, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, Marketing Support, success, Uncategorized, Wake Up Calls | No Comments »

My 52 Mistakes Project – Mistake #52 – The Biggest

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Hi Friends – happy to share the second installment of my project “My 52 Mistakes” – a social media and research project aimed at providing an open, authentic forum for women to explore, understand and grow from their biggest mistakes in life and work, and to help other women by sharing the amazing lessons we’ve learned from our missteps.

Today, I’m talking about my Mistake #52 – the biggest, most impactful error I made (so far!).  This mistake involved my remaining deeply stuck in struggle, sickness, and sadness for years in my worklife, not grasping until I was in my forties that I am special, unique, and powerful, and can make the difference I truly want to, in my life and in the world.

Hope you enjoy it!  PLEASE share this link with every woman you know, and please comment – let me know what you think of this mistake, if it resonates, your biggest mistake, what you learned, and where you are today.

Thank you so much for your honest and courageous sharing.  It means the world.

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs.

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Challenges, Empowerment, Following Your Dreams, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, My 52 Mistakes, Women in Business | No Comments »

7 Reasons You Hate Marketing – And How to Learn to Love It

Saturday, November 13th, 2010

In ramping up my marketing consulting work with women consultants, practitioners, and entrepreneurs these past months, I’ve heard these words over and over:

 “I hate marketing.”

 or, more specifically…

 “I hate promoting myself.”

It’s an amazing thing to observe – that so many women today view marketing as sleazy, embarrassing, scary, or simply overwhelming.

Women tell me that marketing and networking are deeply challenging (and scare the pants off of them) for the following reasons (these are exact quotes):

 “I just feel like that sleazy used car salesman I hate.”

 “I don’t know how to go up to people and share what I do.”

 “I feel so intrusive to just blurt out that I can help someone.”

 “I’m too shy to do what’s necessary.”

 “I don’t understand how to do this – it’s all so overwhelming.”

 “I think I have to be like her (an aggressive, in-your-face networker) to be successful, and I just can’t.”

 “I love the work I do – why do I have to do this other marketing stuff?”

If these statements resonate with you, help is out there for you!

I’m here to tell you – marketing is not what you think.  And the sooner you can embrace your “inner marketer,” and learn to love her, the happier and more fulfilled you’ll be in your work.

 What Is Marketing?

First, marketing is not the hairy monster you’ve imagined.  It’s simply about letting people know you exist – via any and all of the many neat methods and forms available today – so that you can be of powerful and joyful service to the world. 

It’s about sharing your unique messages in an authentic, compelling way so that the people you love to serve can find you, and identify that you’re the right one to help them. 

Marketing is about bringing yourself to the market you want to help, and communicating, “I’m really awesome at what I do and offer, and I LOVE my work.  May I be of service to you?”

How to Embrace Your “Inner Marketer”

Let’s break this down to look at what’s really beneath the challenges you face in marketing. 

The key marketing obstacles for women fall into the same four categories that I uncovered in my national research with career women.  (For more about the 12 “hidden” crises working women face today, and how to overcome them, see my  book Breakdown, Breakthrough.)

These categories represent levels at which we interact with ourselves and our world, and can be characterized as either empowered or disempowered, based on each individual’s specific situation, in:

  • Your Relationship with Yourself
  • Your Relationship with the World
  • Your Relationship with Others
  • Your Relationship with Your Higher Self

These same relationship categories apply to your marketing endeavors and marketing persona. 

Here’s what you need to understand to become a comfortable and easy marketer and networker who likes it:

Your Relationship with Yourself

Confidence and Worthiness:

The key marketing challenges for women are confidence and worthiness.  Deep down, many are not quite sure they’re great at their work, and don’t have the self-confidence to come out say “I’m very talented at this work, and would love to be of service to you!”

Tip: You need to step up to embrace how great you are in your work.  And if you don’t feel you offer high-quality products and services, then you need a shift.  Identify the new skills, talents and experiences that will bring your work to the next level.  Go out and get those skills and experiences.  Don’t wait.

Your Relationship with Others

Two key marketing challenges come up here: speaking up with power and authority, and connecting deeply with others in your communications and your interactions.

Speaking Up:
Many women are challenged in speaking up about and for themselves with power, authority, and command. 

Tip: If you believe that speaking out about your gifts and talents means you’re bragging, think again.  How can people know about your work if you don’t tell them about it – in your speaking, writing, and interactions? Release this misguided belief that talking about your work is pushy or arrogant.

Connecting:
Getting out there in the world with your products and services means you have to connect to people from the heart, help them find their pain points and show how your work addresses want they want most.  People do business with people they know, like and trust, so you’ve got to give them the opportunity to know you.

Tip: If you’re shy and uncomfortable about connecting and interacting with people, get out there and do more of it.  If you’re too self-focused and self-limiting, you’ll find it hard to make the authentic connections you need to bring your work and business out there in a bigger way.

Relationship with the World:

The two core challenges here are: Money and Service

Embracing Money:
Many women are simply disempowered around their finances, and around earning, managing, and investing their money.  Often, they can’t seem to establish great fees/prices for their work, and or command these fees on a consistent basis.  Further, many women don’t have the financial planning experience to make their marketing efforts profitable.

Tip: Get financial help!  First, you must have a very clear sense of what your products and services are worth in the marketplace – not what you think they SHOULD be worth, but the true and perceived value of the outcomes you give to others.  Then you must acquire the confidence and strength to obtain these prices and fees, and negotiate powerfully for them when needed.  Secondly, don’t overspend on your business (on marketing or other initiatives) before you’ve learned how to earn.

Being of Service:
You need to know how you want to serve the world, and how you do it best, above and beyond the competition.  If you don’t know how you’re different from your competitors, the marketplace won’t know either, and you won’t get the business you want.

Tip: Name and claim the niche you serve best and are most joyful at working in.  Find ways to become an expert and truly gifted in the areas that light you up the most, and communicate your stand-apart qualities.

Relationship with Your Higher Self

Finally, the two essential marketing blocks here in terms of accessing your most expansive, highest self in your work are: Finding Role Models and Being Open to Angels (the human kind – and others, if you wish!)

Finding Role Models:
If you think that the only way to do marketing is the sleazy, intrusive and shameless kind, you’re just stuck in a misguided story that’s holding you back.  You need a new set of role models that you can see, hear, and follow, who are doing it the way you want to.

Tip: Find fabulous visual role models of marketers who are doing it the way you love.  Follow my “marketingpeeps” list on twitter (@kathycaprino) for a start.  These men and women are just a sampling of amazing communicators and marketers who do great work in the most authentic, heart-aligned and compelling way possible on the planet!

Opening to Angels:
If you hate marketing, you’re going to struggle in your business and creative ventures.  It’s that simple.  So get help to overcome your fears about it.  Be open to the angels that come in your life who want to help you move forward.  Find people you trust and respect, and ask them for their critique (yes, critique!), advice and support.  You don’t have to do this alone.  Angels are waiting in the wings to help you.

*  *  *  *

Learning how to get yourself out there and share your authentic messages with the world – and powering up to deal with this success outcomes that will follow – is one of the most enlivening and exciting processes you can undertake.

 Are you ready to embrace your Inner Marketer? I think Yes!

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Following Your Dreams, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, Levels of Disempowerment, Powerful Self-Marketing, success, Women in Business | No Comments »

My 52 Mistakes Video Blog Launches

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

Hi Friends – very happy to announce that my 52-week video blog on “My 52 Mistakes” launches today.  Here’s the video:

Kathy Caprino’s “My 52 Mistakes” Video Blog #1

I’d love to get this going and offer a large, open forum for the courageous discussion and exploration of the biggest mistakes we’ve made in our life and work today.  Why focus on mistakes?  Because when we can get real and tell the raw truth about the mistakes we’ve made and the vital lessons we’ve learned, we help ourselves and others heal, and we spread love, self-acceptance, and compassion throughout the world. 

Today, a woman from Canada wrote me that she read my 52 Mistakes article on More.com, and in the end, she shared her belief that “unfortunately, you still sound like you’re coming from a self-focused world.” 

Interesting take…Well, I say this - let’s all be self-focused for a while in order to gain clarity, truth, and understanding, so that we can then turn our focus outward to others, to share our compassionate help and support with the world.

I’d be so grateful if you’d comment on the video here and spread it to all your friends and colleagues.  And let me know which mistakes of my full list of 52 Mistakes resonate with you most, and which you’d like to hear more about in the next video post coming next week. 

Thanks so much, my friends!  You’re awesome for sharing, and I love ya.
Kathy

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Challenges, Empowerment, Featured, Inspiration for Change, Inspiring Thoughts, Kathy Caprino, Living Real, Yes I Can Thinking | 1 Comment »

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