Posts Tagged ‘growth’

Mistake #3 – Letting the “Pendulum Effect” Rule My Life

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

Hi Friends,

Happy to share my latest vblog on my Mistake #3 – Letting the “Pendulum Effect” Rule My Life – another installment of My 52 Mistakes.

This mistake is all about waiting too long to make change, resisting what is, then being devastating and jumping to the opposite extreme, only to discover the same yucky stuff awaits (because you haven’t done the inner and outer work to overcome these same challenges).

I’d love your thoughts.  Does the Pendulum Effect rule your life? And what have you done to stay more balanced and grounded rather than swinging from extreme to extreme?

Please send me a video blog or story of your own, and share it on the new facebook page for this project, My 52 Mistakes.  Thanks so much for commenting and spreading it along!

A New Kind of Year

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011
Hello and Happy New Year!  I hope your holidays were lovely, and you feel refreshed and excited about the New Year.

What a challenging year 2010 was for so many, including me.  In thinking about what I would like to bring about in 2011 in my life and work, I’ve decided to take a very different approach to my planning and envisioning process. 

I’ve suffered a good deal of heartache and disappointment over the past years because I overly-attached to what I thought I wanted to achieve and create.  When these events or experiences didn’t come to pass, I was let down, only to learn later (days, months, and even years afterward), that what I hankered for so keenly wasn’t even what I truly wanted in my heart and soul. 

 Over-Attachment Causes Suffering 

I’ve observed that we humans attach ourselves with full force to a specific outer “form” of something we think we want (this new job, house, business, etc.), because we believe this “thing” or experience will bring us happiness. 

 What I’ve learned is that experiencing joy, fulfillment and “success” is much less about outer experiences and things, and much more about the process of living – namely, letting go of what we think we should be doing and being, and instead, embracing with gratitude and gusto the person we are and what we have already created, and moving forward from a perspective of acceptance rather than resistance.  After all, what we resist, persists.

 A New Process

So this year things will be different for me.  Sure, I’m excited to set out key goals for my life, work, and business.  But at the same time, I’m ready to let the year unfold as it will, embracing what comes, learning and growing from it, and knowing that much of what life brings is out of my control.  I know now that if I can be fully present for the ride rather than resisting it, life is more joyful, peaceful and fulfilling. Make sense?

I encourage you to set out for yourself the heartfelt goals you’d like to achieve, but also forge a new process of living whereby you are able to deeply and wholeheartedly feel, embrace, and cherish who you are and what you have in your life, each and every day.

Sound good? Let’s do it together.  Let’s plan, envision, and embrace.  Here’s to a new kind of life experience in 2011.

What can you accept and embrace today that you’ve been resisting?

If Your Business Model is Flawed, Your Marketing Won’t Work

Monday, September 27th, 2010

In working with hundreds of professional women these past several years, and launching my new Breakthrough Vision marketing and Prosperity Marketing Mindset programs, I’ve uncovered one key truth that was hidden to me in the past:

If your business model is flawed, no amount of great marketing will help you make the money you need and want.

Here’s a case study of what I mean, using my personal experience (I’m sharing here the real insider story about small business – something you’ll seldom hear from thousands of professed “experts,” many of whom aren’t making a living).

I launched a career coaching practice after long, hard research about what it takes to be successful, and earning the credentials, experiences and know-how to be respected and recognized in my field, and to rise above the competition. 

I followed all the core marketing and business development strategies that one needs to achieve national recognition, and be considered an acclaimed “expert” as coach, author, and speaker.

Throughout this 9-year development process, I learned some hard-earned insights about myself as professional and about what it takes for me to be a successful entrepreneur, namely:

1) I LOVE helping women achieve breakthrough in their lives and work, relationships, and in themselves – to create life and work as they truly want it.

2) I LOVE to help a select group of women.  Here are my personal criteria for folks I’ll work with as clients:

- Above the line thinkers (those who believe they are accountable, capable, responsible and ready to commit to reclaiming their lives)
- Ready and able to do the inner and out work of real change
- Able to invest time, money, energy in the process of life and career change
- Not expecting an easy fix or magic bullet
- Not viewing me as the answer to all their problems
- Able to make the financial investment of working with me, without it adding stress to their already stressed-out lives

3) I DON’T WANT to work (and to be paid) only on an hourly basis (even if my hourly wage is substantial, as a coach or consultant).  I DO want to have several different avenues of generating revenue, including one-on-one work, group coaching, speaking engagements, marketing and business consulting, and successful passive-income coaching and marketing programs and streams — top programs and resources that help a wide global network of women, without my having to necessarily provide them with direct, in-person service.  I’d like to make money while I sleep!

4) I’ve EMBRACED what it takes to identify exactly what I want to create, produce, and sell in terms of products and programs, and have a solid plan for building those

But You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

I was trucking along these past years building my coaching business, and everything I was doing felt and sounded “right,” until about six months ago, when I finally realized, “You don’t know what you don’t know!”

Here’s what I realized I hadn’t known, in developing my coaching business model:

The Big Flaw

There was a big flaw in my business model.  The FLAWED part of my model is that, after years of serving as a career coach for women, I realized that my business is simply too limited in focus and too narrow in terms of the types of products and services I offered, to be financially successful at the level I wanted it to be.

My narrow service niche (career coaching for women) — which I deliberately and intentionally designed — has turned out to be too confining and limiting for me.  Career coaching alone isn’t tapping into all the many marketing, business development, communications, and strategic planning skills, talents and experience that I’ve earned in my 20 years in the corporate arena.  I had chucked out the idea of using those marketing and business development skills (or, more accurately, before now it hadn’t even occurred to me to utilize these skills as a consultant) because much of my corporate experience had been so emotionally unsatisfying for me that I threw the baby out with the bathwater!  But doing so meant I was stopping myself from serving thousands more women whom I truly want to support, in ways I’m uniquely capable.

As a result, the financial and emotional success results of my business were limited for me as well.

Here are several core nuggets of learning from these past 10 years of shaping my new professional life and business:

1) Marketing won’t help you, when your business model is flawed

No matter how strong your marketing is – no matter how well planned or executed  – if your business, services and focus are too narrow or only tap into a very limited group of clients/customers, then your rewards will be limited as well.

Scrutinize your business model intensively – look at the niche you serve and the products and services you offer – and make sure there’s sufficient breadth, depth, and reach to make the money you need to, each and every month.

2) Marketing also won’t help you in you don’t know how to run a business or manage money.

There are 5 “M’s” that are essential to running a successful business.  They are:

  • Management
  • Money
  • Marketing
  • Mastery
  • Mission

Don’t skimp on mastering these “M’s” or getting outside help to do it.  Running a business successfully is a large endeavor, and you can’t do it alone.

3) Determine ALL the talents you have that you want to use, and create a plan to utilize them all

 For me, I’ve learned that there’s another vast and growing group — women entrepreneurs – whom I want to help and support, along with all the women in corporate America who are in urgent need of career transition assistance.  I know now that I want to offer career growth support, as well as top-level strategic marketing, business planning and development, and financial guidance to help women entrepreneurs create their businesses to succeed and thrive, from the moment their business launches and onward.  And it turns out I have the experience and skill to do it.

4) Make sure that the niche you want to serve is big enough, and has the ability to utilize, hire and pay you

Another truism in business – if you want to be profitable, you have to make money.  This is NOT a volunteer endeavor, this is a business.  So make sure that the target group you serve is big enough to support your business, and full of thousands of people whom you can reach, who are in the emotional, financial, and behavioral condition to utilize your products and services fully, and can pay for them easily, without strain.

5) Spend money on marketing your business only after you have clarity – After you’ve developed a sound business model, then and only then should you invest in marketing your business and branding.  Don’t spend thousands of dollars on marketing before you know what you need to offer and provide.

6) Think bigger about yourself – Identifying a defined niche and serving it well is essential, but in doing that, don’t limit yourself to only one facet of yourself and your skills.  Use all of your talents and skills, and expand to new dimensions that allow you to use ALL of who you are, for the greater good of your business, and for the world.

*  *  *  *  *  *

There’s a great deal involved in creating a successful entrepreneurial venture, and crafting a long-term career that you love and that brings you success and fulfillment.   But you can do it!  Get help to master the 5 M’s of business, and build a strong model and foundation for your business, get help where you need it, and be open to learning what you don’t now know.  Then, you’ll be well on your way.

Take a look at your business model – can you see where there might a tiny flaw or crack that’s holding back the success you long for?  Share your comments here please!

If You’re Looking for Free Consulting, Don’t Ask Me

Friday, July 16th, 2010

 

Today I read a great blog post by Peter Shankman – a well-known entrepreneur, author, speaker, and “worldwide connector,” about his recent tweet that said this:

I love this message, and I completely understand where Peter is coming from.  I also love that Peter commands $400 an hour, and is not ashamed to state it openly.

Scores of folks agreed with Peter – more than 100 people retweeted his message, supporting it with gusto.  But at least one woman REALLY didn’t like what she read.  In her blog post about it, she indicated that she thought Peter had grown too big for his britches with his “internet fame” and that he was, in fact, arrogant and rude to tweet this. 

After reading Peter’s blog response to her and hers back, I’m still not 100% clear what she thought was rude and arrogant.  But I think it’s about 1) his stating that he won’t help folks for free, and 2) that he commands $400 an hour (much more than what many people can charge and what many people can pay) and wasn’t shy to express that.

Peter’s blog response clarified his thoughts on the whole matter, and after reading his message, I liked him even more!

So here are my two cents on this issue:

1) I have been inundated this past year with requests – from organizations, individuals, agencies, women’s groups and colleagues — for all types of FREE coaching and consulting help, and frankly, I’m tired of it. 

2) Bravo to Peter Shankman for charging $400/hour, and having clients clamor for him, and pay that fee happily, because they feel he’s worth it

3) Bravo to Peter for telling it like it is for him, out loud and proud

4) For those who are uncomfortable with that, I’d suggest taking a deep look inside to identify exactly what makes you squeamish about it.  I’d guess it has do with that fact that 1) you don’t command those fees and can’t imagine doing so, or 2) you’re asking all sorts of people for free help without offering anything in return, or 3) you’re giving all sorts of free help, and you’re tired of it, or 4) you’re uncomfortable in the presence of people who know their worth and aren’t hesitant to shout it from the rooftops. 

Today was a turning point for me on this issue.  I’ve decided (after one final straw that really got my goat) that this is my last day of giving my time away free for my consulting or coaching.  I’m done with it!  My services, my time, my insights, my approach, my talents  – they’ve all come hard-earned after years of training, hard work, research, and dedication, and I’m done with devaluing them by giving them away for free.  Of course, I’ll continue as I always have contributing pro bono work to the community as I choose to, where I choose to — to special agencies and groups that empower women and support those in need and who are disadvantaged.

But in my private practice, I’m committed to being vigilant about maintaining a healthy pricing discipline (very hard for women to do, in general, I’ve found).  After all, you don’t walk into a car dealership wanting a shiny new car and ask to pay nothing for it, do you?  And you don’t go to your dermatologist and say, “Hey, can I pick your brain FOR FREE about this terrible itchy rash I have?” 

OK, folks, it’s time we stop asking for free handouts.  Whatever you want to call it — “pick your brain,” “get your insights,” “obtain your feedback” — if you’re asking me to use my consulting and coaching skills to help your business and your career, I’m respectfully asking for what I believe is only fair and just – to be paid what I deserve for helping you make the significant positive changes you want most in your life, work, and your business. 

I’m sure this will stir up many thoughts and feelings in my readers and community.  I’d LOVE to hear them all!  Please share freely.  Let it rip.  That’s what makes a good horse race, as my mother used to say.

Thanks for sharing openly below.  I’m looking forward to reading each of your comments and hearing your diverse views.

And here’s to empowering you to up your daily dose of pricing discipline as well.

Reframing “Failure” into Growth

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

So many folks come for coaching feeling like an abject failure – explaining how they’ve utterly botched something essential to them (a job, new business endeavor, a relationship, project, or performance, etc.).  The only emotions they can experience around their “failure” are shame, embarrassment, and regret.

 

I’ve lived this too – experiencing myself as a complete “failure” – having followed my intuition (or so I thought!), living from true hopes and intentions, only to watch them wither and fade, not coming to fruition at all as planned. 

 

As a keen observer of human behavior and human outcomes, I’ve witnessed (first with neutrality, then with great joy) my clients, colleagues, friends and family move from “failure” to growth.  They’ve learned, as I have, that these “failures” we think we experienced are nothing of the kind.   

 

If not failure, what are these experiences?

 

Experiences we see as “failure” are just potent flashes of insight and wisdom revealing themselves, showing you that your ego is in the driver’s seat.  These moments are showing that what you’ve attached so strongly to through your ego is not necessarily what will bring you great joy and fulfillment.  These “failures” are beautiful, light-filled moments that carry with them true insights into your life purpose, and reveal what you really want to be doing on this planet at this time, and how you want to be doing it. But the only way to gain the insight necessary is to let go of what your ego has told you is essential in this endeavor – you must get out of the box you’ve caged yourself in, and move beyond it.

 

Here’s an example – a very personal one.  When I wrote my book Breakdown Breakthrough, the entire experience came from the heart and soul.  I wanted nothing more than to be a beacon of light for women struggling to live and work joyfully.  While it was challenging to conduct the national research and spend the year writing the book, it was always heart-felt. 

 

Unfortunately, something shifted in me once the book was released.  I became very ego-driven, and attached my ego very strongly to it, suddenly striving for attention, validation, and for financial reward for my labors.  The whole thing shifted into an ego place.  I could tell something very off and wrong had happened, but I didn’t know what.

 

Now I do know – I lost my way in those months right after the book came out – I fell off my purpose – which is to be a catalyst for transformation.  Wanting my ego stroked and validated at every turn is in opposition to being a beacon of hope and light for people.  In fact, how can I be a true catalyst for change if I’m stuck wanting validation, am afraid to climb out of my own box?

 

The truth is our dreams don’t always come true as we’ve articulated them.  Why? Because our narrow vision at the time only sees a limited picture of who we are.  Our birds-eye view, on the other hand – the view from our soul’s perspective – is much more expansive and potential-filled.

 

Task for the week:  Think about where you are feeling like a “failure” today.  Is it a past job, a business endeavor, or a relationship that went terribly wrong? Explore the situation and experience fully.  Can you find the nugget of insight, wisdom, of relief in the experience?  Will you try to reframe it to a more positive interpretation, one that fits the facts equally well but allows you to forgive yourself, and see yourself full of potential and grace? 

 

Life is all in the way you view it, so shift yourself away from “failure” toward growth and possibility – you will see things change in front of your eyes when you do,

 

Been Harshly Criticized Lately? What To Do When Others Try to Make You Wrong

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

This week, several friends and clients have mentioned to me that they’ve been severely criticized for their views and standpoints.   Anyone who has stood up for something they believe in — and been attacked for it — knows it’s challenging at best, devastating at worst.

 

What should you do if you’ve been harshly demeaned or criticized for your thoughts and views?

 

Here are five tips that have helped me tremendously as an author, speaker, and women’s advocate, to weather the storm of criticism, and come out on the other side feeling whole and confident:

 

1)       Remember, what people say is more about them than you

I learned in my therapy training that what comes out of someone’s mouth is more about them than you.  Much more.  Their views and words represent (and project) their years of cultural training, experience, upbringing, traumas, lessons, and biases (as well as their insights and wisdom based on their unique filter and history).  So remember that each individual has a custom-tailored view of life that may or may not fit your own.  It doesn’t have to.

 

2)       People who attack you are coming from a deeply fearful place

When someone attacks you verbally, they are coming from a deeply insecure and frightened place.  They’ve been rocked by what you’ve said and done, and feel they need to put you down.  Take a look at what you’ve said (and how you’ve said it) that may have instigated a defensive stance from someone else.  But remember that you don’t have to own how they respond to you.

 

3)       When someone wants to make you wrong for your beliefs, they often feel threatened by your out-of-the box thinking

I’ve noticed that when I present thinking that is different from the status-quo, it can lead to a harsh challenge.  Presenting views that ask others to question how things have been done for years, or shed light on trends or behaviors that need to be critically examined and revised, can ruffle people’s feathers.  They feel threatened that you want to expose something they’d prefer to remain hidden.  So be it.  But don’t let that stop you.

 

4)       Narcissists in our world abound

Narcissism is rampant in our society (those of you who live and work with one know what I mean!).  A narcissistic individual can’t tolerate being challenged, and needs to make you wrong if you disagree with them.  They’ll go to tremendous lengths to “prove” they are right (and superior).  If you have a narcissist in your life or work, you feel you can’t express yourself without being punished.  Pay attention to those who harshly criticize you for your different views – if they have narcissistic tendencies, realize that you can’t win with them.  Don’t engage, as it will prove only a lose/lose endeavor.  Just protect (and extract) yourself best you can from their harmful way of thinking and behaving.

 

5)       Finally, use it as a growth opportunity 

Stand up for what you believe in.  When others don’t agree with you, don’t doubt yourself and make yourself wrong.  Get connected to what you truly believe in, strengthen your boundaries, learn to deal effectively with rebukes, and remain steady in who you are and what you believe. 

 

But at the same time, use this criticism for your own learning and growth.  If your words have been hurtful and diminishing to others, perhaps it’s time to look at what may be longing to be healed or addressed inside of you.  Reconnect to compassion, understanding, and inclusion in your thoughts and words (and in your relationship with yourself and others).  Our world needs much less judgment, criticism, and pain, and much more love, strength, compassion, inclusiveness, and respect.

 

If you’ve been criticized harshly, take some time to fully explore your part in it and what you can learn from it.  In the process, show compassion for yourself and others, grow from the lesson, accept that you (and everyone else) is doing the best they can…then move forward.