Posts Tagged ‘leadership’

So You Want to Start Something Stupid? Why You Must

Friday, March 8th, 2013
richienorton

Richie Norton

In my coaching and training work helping women lead more fulfilling lives, I’m asked every day questions like this: “Kathy, do you think this is too stupid an idea?”  or “This may be really crazy, but I’m thinking of…” or my favorite, “My family says this is nuts and will never work, but I’m thinking of…” Thousands of people are wracked with fear, paralysis, and embarrassment (or even shame) when considering if they should pursue something “stupid” that their heart desires most.

But after 10 years of helping people turn “stupid” into amazing, I trust wholeheartedly in the power of starting your own version of something stupid, and have seen how this process turns a mediocre and unsatisfying life into a thrilling one.

I was intrigued, then, to discover Richie Norton’s new book The Power of Starting Something Stupid: How to Crush Fear, Make Dreams Happen & Live Without Regret, and couldn’t wait to speak to Richie about his ideas and his journey from “stupid” to stupendous.

As I read the book, I was deeply moved by Richie’s personal story of losing his beautiful and perfect infant boy of only 10 weeks, and having to make the unbearable decision not to resuscitate him as the process would only prolong his suffering and in the end, not save his life.  As is often the case when tragedy rips a gash in our reality, we feel forever changed by the loss.  In Richie’s case, his life took on a very real sense of urgency, and he faced the shocking realization that circumstance is completely outside our realm of control.  Not just certain circumstances, but ALL circumstance.  This realization opened the door for Richie to learn the biggest lesson of his life to date, what he calls “Gavin’s Law” (named after his beloved brother-in-law Gavin, who died at 21, just two years before the death of his baby boy Gavin).

Gavin’s Law is this:

“Live to start. Start to live.”

There is so much to learn in Richie’s book, but I want to share here Richie’s 6 steps to making our dreams happen.  From my perspective, this model covers all the key bases, and if you use this as a roadmap to pursuing your crazy, stupid idea, you’ll be on the right track.

The 6 steps to Making Dreams Happen and Living without Regret:

1.  Crush Fear
It’s not the actual circumstances that we should feel threatened by, it’s the fear of the circumstances that poses the real threat. The bottom line is that people with high aspirations are going to experience a proportionately high level of fear. If high aspirations are equal to high fear, then the flip side to that truth is that overcoming high fear is equal to achieving high aspirations. To crush fear doesn’t mean you eliminate it; crushing fear means you literally crush it down into smaller, more manageable parts and tackle one piece at a time.

2.  End Pride

The line between fear and pride is nearly imperceptible. At the heart of pride, is the fear of looking stupid. Pride convinces people to feel justified in quitting because, for prideful people, approval is sought at all costs—even at the cost of success. Prideful people won’t ask for help, they won’t ask questions, and they don’t want to do anything to challenge the status quo. To overcome pride, you must embrace “The Humble Power Alternative” –  lean into your “stupid” ideas, do more than you think you should do, take ownership of your life, don’t blame others for lack of success, and encourage others in their success. There is true power born of humility.

3.  Overcome Procrastination

When we procrastinate, we fill our lives with the tasks that are right in front of us rather than make the concerted effort to leave enough room in our schedules to pursue dreams. Procrastination doesn’t always come in the form of frivolous activities. Often we’re filling our time with good or even essential tasks, but even so, anytime you postpone doing the things that are most important in your life, you are falling victim to procrastination. “Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried” (the slogan of Procrastinators Anonymous). Procrastination must be overcome or it will rob you of the things that could be most significant in your life.


>>TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON FORBES, CLICK HERE<<

There are so many helpful ideas in Richie’s book, including how to evaluate a “stupid” idea to see if it’s stupid smart, or viewing the starting of something stupid as a “project” rather than a do-or-die endeavor, or my favorite tip: making a pact to surround yourself every day only with people who embody the “serve, thank, ask, receive, trust” philosophy.

But what you’ll find most in this book is a powerful reminder that within you is a kernel, the seed of something enormous that others (or your inner critic) will say is stupid, but when honored and nurtured, will show you why you’re on this planet at this time, and why no one else can contribute and make the difference that you can, if you only start.

Are you deeply longing to start something stupid?  What will it take for you to crush your fear and start it today?

(For more about Richie, check out www.richienorton.com and The Power of Starting Something Stupid.  And to gain clarity on the stupid ideas you long to pursue in your career, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.)

Thinking of Self-Publishing Your Book? Take Guy Kawasaki’s Advice

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013

Image via CrunchBase

Last month, I had the terrific pleasure of chatting with Guy Kawasaki, co-founder of Alltop.com, founder partner of Garage Technology Ventures, and former Chief Evangelist for Apple.  Guy is the author of ten books, including Enchantment, Reality Check, and Rules for Revolutionaries.  If you haven’t followed Guy’s writing and blog, you’re truly missing out.  He’s utterly brilliant, wise, iconoclastic, brutally frank, and downright hilarious.

And if you’re considering self-publishing a book, make the first resource you read Guy’s new book APE: Author- Publisher – Entrepreneur – How to Publish a Book co-written by Shawn Welch.

I don’t recommend resources lightly, but as one who worked in traditional publishing for years and had my own book Breakdown, Breakthrough published traditionally, I believe Guy’s new book is a true winner, full of practical, realistic solutions, strategies and tips for self-publishers.

In 2011 the publisher of Guy’s New York Times bestseller, Enchantment, could not fill an order for 500 ebook copies of the book. Because of this experience, Guy self-published his next book, What the Plus!: Google+ For the Rest of Usand learned first-hand that self-publishing is a complex, confusing, and idiosyncratic process.  He decided to learn as much as he could about successful self-publishing, and share his knowledge with all those who want to venture into the self-publishing arena.

I asked Guy about the process of self-publishing, what he’s learned from it, and also what makes it worthwhile to write a book in the first place.

Here’s Guy’s take:

1)  Why write a book in the first place?

If you’re writing a book simply as a means to an end – to get rich, or to get the word out about your expertise, or to attract more consulting or coaching business – forget it.  Stop what you’re doing right now.  If you’re thinking just about what you can get out of it, you’re probably writing a “crappy” book (Guy’s word), and your “crap” will be forever immortalized in black and white.  Something you definitely don’t want.

Guy advises, “Write a book because you have something important to say. If you have a life story that inspires, or information that you believe everyone in a particular niche NEEDS to know, then do it.”  But don’t just rush to get something out because you think it will enhance your career, profile, business, or bank account.  You just won’t succeed with those inner motives.

(On that note, I’ve been floored by the advice I’ve heard some small business and entrepreneurial success coaches offer my colleagues and clients – to just slap together a book quickly and get it out there, to make money and build their credibility. I’m with Guy – your credibility is shot if you do that, and trust me, your discerning readers can tell what you’re trying to do. Also, don’t forget that the vast majority of authors don’t make any money on their books.)

2)   Your karmic scoreboard

Guy believes in the concept of a “karmic scoreboard” – that what you put out in the world will come back around to you.  Self-publishing solely to advance yourself reduces your “karmic score.”  On the other hand, being kind, generous, and helpful – being of service to others as your first goal – increases your karmic score.  If your motivation is to help others with no expectations of what you’ll get in return, you’ll find that the process is also self-supportive, because when you set out to support the enrichment of others, it comes back to you tenfold.

3)  Artisanal publishing  (vs. self-publishing) – the new trend in publishing

In his book APE, Guy talks about “artisanal publishing” as a process that features writers who love their craft, and who control every aspect of the process from beginning to end. In this new approach, writers are no longer at the mercy of large, traditional publishers, and readers will have more books to read.

The self-publishing world has eradicated the filters and barriers that the traditional publishing world represented (where editors – typically male — made the judgments about content and worthiness).  In the old days, the imprint of the publisher was a proxy for quality – if you were accepted by the publisher, you passed the test.  Now the proxy for quality is how your book fares in terms of reviews and ratings on Amazon, and sales.  Customers vote on the book’s quality or on their need to expose themselves to your material by clicking to purchase, or not clicking.

Guy explained that when readers contemplate buying your book today, they often don’t even notice the publisher.  They look instead at the ratings and reviews received by the audience. What’s key in artisanal publishing is that you start with a good book, and then market the book with everything you’ve got.   Marketing a book for many would-be authors is a daunting task, and thousands of self-published authors are ignorant of what’s required to get the word out (or they detest the marketing process altogether).  In the end, if you want to be a successful artisanal publisher, you have to be willing to market.

To further the artisanal analogy, think of an artisanal baker.  Do we think s/he is an entrepreneur? Absolutely! She is making the bread, selling it, distributing it, etc.  Would you ever go up to an artisanal baker and ask, “Is the reason why you have your own bakery that you didn’t get accepted by a large national baked goods manufacturer?”  No. We don’t even think of that question. Guy is hoping that artisanal publishers will soon earn the same respect and merit as other artisans.

4)   How to know if your book is worthwhile?

I asked Guy his thoughts on the question, “How can you evaluate if your book is worth publishing and will be a work of quality?”

First, Guy believes you absolutely need professional copyediting.   All writers, even great ones, need copyediting.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can do this on your own. You can’t.  If you skip this step, the quality of your product will be sorely compromised.

Secondly, you must put yourself through a rigorous process of evaluating your book through the eyes of potential readers/buyers.  Pretend you go to Amazon.com or visit a Barnes & Noble bookstore.  You see amazing books written by Anne Lamott, Isabel Allende, Patricia Cornwell, Condoleezza Rice, John Grisham, Lee Child, David Baldacci.

Then you see your book – The Schmoe Story, by Joe Schmoe.  Guy asks you to evaluate: “Why would anyone give a hoot about your book?”  You need a true reason, an engaging shtick or an angle – not a fabricated one, but authentic and gripping — that makes it an important story to tell.  Your material has to be compelling and contributive, adding in a positive way to what already exists on the topic.

He gives an example of the gripping story of a single mom who endures a grueling four-year process to adopt a child from Guatemala, and is asked over and over, “Why are you adopting?” by her friends at home.  Then, when bringing the child home, she is asked if she is the child’s nanny.  Guy shares, “This woman’s story is just as important (arguably more important) than George W. Bush’s memoir.  There’s a reason people will care about this unknown, single adoptive mom’s story – there’s a reason this book matters.  You don’t have to be rich and powerful to have a riveting story to tell.

How do you really determine if your story is worth telling? Pretend that you didn’t write the book – would you really care about this author and this story?

To help make the book better, Guy is a fan of obtaining as much feedback as possible from his potential audience, a process he calls crowd feedback. Guy admits “Strangers aren’t kind.” You’ll get a host of brutally frank comments, feedback and input that you can use (with discernment) to understand if this book has a true purpose for existing, and how to improve it.

5)  Are you ready to engage in artisanal publishing?

Guy shared: “If you gave me two choices – one where there’s a small group of powerful people who pick the winners and losers versus complete and utter anarchy where anyone can publish a book, I would pick anarchy, fully realizing that most books that emerge in this arena will be poor quality.  The situation of anarchy and the lower barrier means that there will be some gems that would never have been published in the old world –  true gems — and that makes it worthwhile.

“Imagine a world where you couldn’t start a company unless you had an MBA.  That would rule out Google, Apple, YouTube, Cisco.” Supporting artisanal publishing is similar to saying “NO!” to the idea that only people with MBA’s can start a successful company.  Guy shares, “A world where only a few hold that type of control and power is not a world I would recommend.”

As my fellow Forbes contributor Roger Dooley writes – “Perhaps the greatest contribution of APE will be that some individuals who have great ideas but haven’t felt they could write a book or get it published will now be empowered to start their journey.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Are you interested in self-publishing? First, read Guy’s book APE – Author – publisher – Entrepreneur: How to Publish A Book.  Then, make sure you have an important story to tell, get the editorial help you need to ensure high quality, prepare yourself to fully engage in the marketing process, and go for it! (And for beginning marketers, check out my Prosperity Marketing Mindset program to get you started.)

 

6 Core Steps to Figuring Out What You Want To Be

Saturday, January 5th, 2013

Image Courtesy of Pakorn on FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In response to my Forbes, Huffington Post and AARP Work Reimagined posts, I hear one type of comment over and over again, more than any other, and it goes something like this: “I just don’t know what I want.  Despite all my efforts, I can’t figure it out what I want to do.”

I find this an amazing phenomenon – that so many Americans have lost touch with who and what they want to be professionally.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging anyone here, because this was me 12 years ago.  I built an 18-year corporate career in publishing, marketing and membership services, and for most of it, I was outwardly successful.  But throughout it all, I was inwardly very unhappy and kept asking “Is this all there is?   I loved my family life, but my career was deeply unsatisfying.  Despite my efforts to get help to figure out what else I should professionally (I saw a therapist and career counselor, took costly quantitative assessment tests [which I’m not a fan of, by the way], etc.), I couldn’t figure out what else to do.  I finally did figure it out and forged a very fulfilling path, but it took years and some very costly missteps.

After 10 years of serving as career coach and trainer to help professionals build more satisfying careers, I’ve uncovered why people are so resistant to career change.  And I’ve created a successful model with a step-by-step program to help professionals  build a career that delivers both the “essence” of what makes them happy, along with the right “form” of it to suit their financial needs, values, life intentions, standards of integrity and more.

So how do we do it?  What are the six keys to figuring out what you really want?

1)  Pull yourself out of the tiny box you’re trapped in

All people who are stuck feel this way because they’ve made some costly or rigid assumptions about what they need to be happy or what they’re capable of creating. These assumptions (often unconscious) keep them trapped in a tight little box with a lid that won’t budge.

Some of these limiting assumptions are:

-  I need to earn $XXXXXX to live the life I want

-  My marriage or family won’t survive my making this change

-  I’ll be too old by the time I make this change

-  I don’t have what it takes to reinvent myself or even repurpose what I do

-  I’m a loser and a failure – I can’t compete

-  I’m too unskilled or out of touch with current trends

-  I have nothing important to offer

-  I’m not special

-  I’m too beat up and burnt out

-  Nothing else will be better

How can you get out of the box? 

Certainly not by yourself.  You simply can’t identify your special talents, capabilities and potential alone and in a vacuum.  And you can’t solve your problems on the level of awareness that they were created.  You’ve got to involve someone else in the discussion about your life, and make it someone you respect, who’s knowledgeable, successful and fulfilled in what they do, and who doesn’t have an agenda about where you net out. Find someone today who can mentor, advise or coach you about what’s possible, and help you see what’s holding you back from identifying the power you have to make a difference, and the vast number of options that are truly available to you.

If you’re trying to do this all by yourself, you just won’t make headway.

2)  Don’t throw the baby out – look at what IS working along with what IS NOT

Many people wake up in midlife to the fact that their careers are dissatisfying and unsuccessful, and they’re so upset about it, they want to chuck the whole thing out.  Don’t make that mistake.  Conduct a thorough assessment of what you would like to preserve and maintain in your current career, and get rid of only the parts that make you feel angry, sad, frustrated, and thwarted. After all, you’ve been in this career for some time now – it’s not all bad.  You were attracted to it once, and you are utilizing some talents and skills that you want to continue to draw on.

As an example, I spent years as a copywriter and marketing professional in publishing. I didn’t enjoy writing copy for scientific books and journals, but I was good at it.  Now, I use all of those copywriting skills daily (and enjoy them), for my own business, and as a marketing consultant helping career women, entrepreneurs and small businesses promote their brands and services.

3)  Address your problems now, before making a change

I make this a mandate in all the career coaching work I do – that the client begin today to address and resolve what’s making them miserable in the current job or career before they leap.  Until you feel more empowered and  become more controlled, authoritative, and masterful in your current situation, you can’t expect to attract a better situation in the next chapter.  You’ve got to do the inner and outer work to earn a “fantastic” career – it’s not just going to fall in your lap.

I’ve found that once my clients do the work to address their problems in the current situation, their challenges tend to evaporate and often they don’t need to leap to something completely different.

(To learn more about how build your self-confidence, risk-tolerance, self-mastery and capabilities, visit The Amazing Career Project and download my free homework tool “Assessing and Closing Your Power Gaps”).

4)  Develop a supportive network and community that loves you

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but the reality is you cannot get where you want to in life and work if you don’t have help.  No matter where you are in your career, you need people to help you launch to the next level.  Start building a more powerful network of loyal colleagues who admire and appreciate you and would be more than happy to help you do what you want.  There are many ways to develop a community that will support you, including utilizing LinkedIn fully, offering endorsements and testimonials to people you respect, attending association and networking meetings of professionals in your field, reaching out to former colleagues who you admire, taking a class with other exciting, like-minded professionals, and the list goes on. (Here are a few helpful resources —  my free LinkedIn Primer  and Resume Guide — to get you started.)

5)   Build your personal brand and tell your story well

Before you can figure out what you really want and get it, you have to know who you are and tell a compelling story about yourself.  Of the thousands of professionals I meet and work with each year, only a tiny fraction can answer these questions in a compelling and engaging way:

What are you fabulous at and known for?

What do you offer and do that is significantly different from what the best in your field do?

What were you noticed for back when you were a teen and young adult?

What skills, talents, abilities make you stand out?

What life experiences have shaped you in special ways?

What are your Life Intentions?

What are your core values – the non-negotiables you need in life to be happy and fulfilled?

Whom do you love to serve and support, and why?

When you’re 90 years old looking back, what do you want to have given, contributed, stood for and achieved?

If you can’t answer these questions, you won’t figure out what you really want because you just don’t know yourself well enough and others won’t know how to help you.  To learn who you really are, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.

6)  Now…connect the dots

After you’ve done all this work, it’s time to connect the dots (listen to the amazing Steve Jobs talk about how to live before you die and “connect  the dots”).  Figure out what paths will truly make sense for who you are and what you want to achieve in life.

Gain clarity about the best path for you by conducting online, offline, passive and active (in-person) research, to answer these critical questions:

What are my passions, and which of these make sense as a livelihood and which are better as hobbies?

Based on the passions, talents and skills I have, what are the careers best suited to me?

What are all the factors I need to address in planning my next direction (money, timing, energy, geography, family needs, support, enjoyment, health, etc.)

In this process, am I making any erroneous assumptions about myself and my life that I need to rethink?

Do I know what it takes to be successful in this new direction, and am I committed to it 100%?

Do I really want to start my own business, or am I just running away from something?

How will I fund my career change or transition?

Where will I find the ongoing support I need?

Don’t make the same huge blunders that so many career changers make.  Do the inner and outer work required to 1) discover who you are and what really matters to you, 2) overcome the obstacles in the way of your success, and 3) identify and “try on” the paths that make the most sense for you and your life.

And get the help you need to reach your highest potential.

It’s takes a great deal of effort to LOVE who you are, and to relish your life and career.  But what an incredibly enjoyable and rewarding path when you do.

 

What It Really Takes To Be Inspiring (and Inspired)

Wednesday, September 26th, 2012

Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For some time, I’ve been following inspiring women leaders, entrepreneurs, business movers-and- shakers, writers and others on the cutting edge of thought leadership, and I’m still awed and amazed at how much there is out in the world to be inspired by.

In my line of work as a women’s career coach, executive trainer and writer, I’m fortunate to connect with women like Whitney Johnson and Judy Robinett who invest deeply in ideas, business and people and help their dreams become reality.   And with women like Janet Hanson and Claudia Chan who have a calling to spotlight other women’s growth and promote women’s success like a powerful brand.  And Tory Johnson who, after a brutal firing years ago, found her calling to become a powerful and empowered voice for working women in America.  And Brené Brown, whose TED talk on shame and vulnerability rocked the world and continues to make waves of important contribution.  The list goes on and on.

But years ago, I remember being rendered speechless when someone asked me, “Who’s your role model?  Who inspires you?” The sad truth is that, at that time, the answer was “No one.”  I was so out of touch with what I authentically cared about in the world, and felt so alone, despairing and isolated (because I truly hated my corporate work, and myself in it, and just couldn’t figure a way out of it), that having a role model or connecting with women who inspired me was the farthest thing from my mind.

What snapped me out of this isolation and disconnection was my own brutal layoff after 9/11, and my decision then to stop playing the victim, take control, and reclaim my passion, power and purpose in life and work. Figuring out what I wanted to be and do in the world, and mustering the courage and commitment to pursue that was what it took for me to reconnect to the land of the living and find true role models – women who were ten steps ahead of me doing what I longed to do.

In the past year of writing my ForbesWoman blog and contributing to Huffington Post, AARP Work Reimagined and other organizations, I’ve observed some common traits of inspiring people who are achieving amazing success, making a difference, contributing positively to our culture, and supporting women’s growth.  In fact, I’ve found that there are 13 core traits of highly successful and inspiring women (see my Amazing Career Project for my video #2 about these 13 traits).  But three traits continue to rise to the top of this list.

Bar none, the following are the top three traits you’ll see in people who inspire, enliven, empower and uplift us.

The three core behaviors or traits of deeply inspiring people:

1)      They have forged their own authentic path — taken a hard, unpaved road that goes against the grain and demanded a tremendous show of guts, strength, commitment, and perseverance

In other words, these people have taken a brave, new direction and are living full-out what they talk about, study and research.  They are the true embodiment of courage and fortitude in the face of opposition, criticism, judgment, and what sometimes seem to be unbeatable odds.  They don’t just talk about what they’re fascinated by – they’re immersed in it and exude it, body and soul.

2)      They are supremely  “other-focused”  – they derive an enormous sense of satisfaction and reward – and spend most of their professional time and energy — helping other people, or organizations and enterprises, grow and flourish

These individuals aren’t just talking about what they’ve done – they’re focused on turning their “mess” into a “message” or helping others succeed and overcome the deep challenges out there in the way of greater success, fulfillment, peace, contribution, and progress.

3)      They are riveting storytellers

These inspiring leaders and ground-breakers spend their time sharing and revealing something very different from the same old platitudes and principles we’ve heard over and over.  From their individual set of traumas, experiences, longings, failures, triumphs, and histories, they have a unique way of looking at the world, and they share their special vision through powerful stories that pluck at our heartstrings and stimulate our thinking and our emotions in ways that literally no one else can.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

I’m happy to say that I am now inspired all the time by men and women who are 100 steps ahead of me, doing what I long to, in the way I long to do it, with authenticity, clarity, grace and power.  All I have to do is watch one new TED Talk or interview someone making significant positive change, and I’m thinking again of what’s possible.

There are so many people in the world who can serve as your role models and help you make the huge impact in the world that you want to, that I’d say this — If you can’t find someone to inspire you, it’s time for an internal shift to heal the disconnection and isolation you feel, and get yourself back in the game of life.

After all, we believe what we see.  To be inspired by another is to be reminded that what stirs us so deeply about someone else is, in fact, possible within ourselves.

For a full Resource list of books, articles and websites that have inspired me on my journey, and to help you discover your own authentic path, check out my new Amazing Career Project and download my free Career Path Self-Assessment.

Entrepreneurial Women Rocking the World

Saturday, May 19th, 2012

Celebrity Hairstylist and Entrepreneur Sally Hershberger

In my numerous roles as career and executive coach, writer, speaker and professional trainer dedicated to women’s advancement in business, I have the good fortune of crossing paths with many entrepreneurial women who doing truly great things in the world.  From building multimillion dollar enterprises, to creating groundbreaking new products and services, to sharing vitally important messages that transform the world, these women are making their marks in a very big way, and have powerful lessons to teach all of us who wish to do the same.

To support these women and to help other women come forward with their talents and gifts, I’m excited to announce the launch of my new series on my “Career Bliss” Forbes blog called “Entrepreneurial Women Rocking the World.” This series will highlight the stories and insights of famous and soon-to-be-famous women who are changing how things are done in the business world, shaping their own futures as they truly want them, and paving the way for all women who wish to create abundant success — financially, spiritually, personally and professionally.

My first post in the series highlights the accomplishments and lessons of celebrity hairstylist and successful entrepreneur Sally Hershberger.  Here’s her story and her Top Seven Success Tips:

Top 7 Success Tips from Celebrity Hairstylist and Entrepreneur Sally Hershberger

Having met Sally in March and watching her in action, I immediately saw in her an energy that I admired and appreciated – she’s confident, authoritative, and commanding, but in a way that attracts you to her, not repels you.  I hope you enjoy the piece, and are inspired by her journey and insights.

Please follow my Career Bliss blog and stay tuned for more features and stories about exciting entrepreneurial women including:

Tory Johnson
Mary Lou Quinlan
Sara Blakely

and many more!

And if you have suggestions for top entrepreneurial women you’d like to see highlighted and who are rocking your world, feel free to reach out and offer your recommendations.   I’d love to hear from you.

Here’s to making our marks in the world, without reservation, fear or doubt.  The time is now!

Busting the Myth That Women Are Less Ambitious Than Men

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Image by Jennifer Kumar via Flickr

I’ve heard over and over in the past several years frequent reference to the idea that professional women aren’t as ambitious as men.   Disappointingly, I even heard Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook (whom I deeply admire) mention this reported “lack of ambition” in women on The Charlie Rose show recently. To Mr. Rose she declared, “Until women are ambitious as men, they’re not going to achieve as much as men.”  There have been scores of articles written on the topic, including a 2004 Harvard Business Review piece, “Do Women Lack Ambition?” 

As a very ambitious professional woman who supports the advancement of other ambitious women, I’m truly sick of this myth.  I can tell you, from working with and speaking to thousands of professional women in the past eight years, it’s simply not accurate.  Ambition is not the issue, and lack of ambition is NOT what holds women back.  It’s the COST of ambition – and the struggle women face in pursuing their ambitions — that is at the heart of why we have so few women leaders today, and why women are achieving less and not reaching as high as men in corporate America.

The more we support this incorrect conclusion, the more disservice we do to the advancement of women.  Again, ambition is not the problem; it’s the enormous personal sacrifice women today must make (that men do not have to) in order to reach the top that halts women in their tracks.  And it’s the reality that even when women stay on a traditional career path and do “all the right things” they are unlikely to advance as far or earn as much as their male counterparts (see Catalyst’s recent study The Myth of the Ideal Worker).

Only when we address the root problem that keeps women from their professional ambitions, will we pave the way to greater progress.

 The Cultural Problem with Ambition

As an executive and leadership coach of hundreds of women each year, I know this:  Women do indeed start out their careers with similar levels as men of wanting to be the best and the brightest in their fields.  However, research studies that claim to examine women’s “ambition” as a term and a concept won’t reflect that, because of the complicated nuances and connotations of the word “ambition.” 

A recent study from the Center for Work-Life Policy showed that at the start of their careers, 47% of young women claim to be “very ambitious” vs. 62% of young men.  So we see a difference in self-reported “ambition levels” here even at the beginning of their careers.  I hear from professional women each day that the term “ambitious” has negative connotations for them.  Women shy away from using this term or claiming (or appearing) to be ambitious.  They want to reach the top, but are reluctant to describe themselves as ambitious because they fear it will make them appear arrogant, power-hungry, self-absorbed, with a “win at all costs” mentality.  Unfortunately, their fears are well-founded.  Success and likability are positively correlated in men, and negatively correlated in women (see Sheryl Sandberg’s TEDTALK on why we have so few women leaders and the Heidi vs. Howard Roizen study at Columbia University).  Women must worry about how ambition “looks” because appearing ambitious negatively impacts their success.  Men do not face this challenge.  On the contrary, it is culturally expected and honored for men pursue their highest goals and do what they can to reach their highest success.

But if we were to conduct solid, well-constructed research around the behaviors that make up “ambition” – mastery of a skill and desiring outward recognition for that mastery – we would see that an equal number of professional men and women start out their careers wanting to reach their highest potential and wanting recognition for their achievements.

What Gets in the Way of “Ambition” for Women

As women age, a bigger problem around “ambition” emerges.  In corporate America today, pursuing ambitious goals and outcomes presents deeply challenging choices and personal sacrifices for women that it does not yet generate for men.  Many more women have to sacrifice marriage and children in order to become top leaders, while men do not.

Per a 2010 study of the Center for Work-Life Policy, only 32% of women vs. 47% of men over 40 self-report to be “very ambitious.”  Why? Because the personal and family sacrifices are too great for women to remain on their most ambitious track.  The CWLP study showed that a full 41% of women who actually make it to the executive suite arrive without an intimate partner, and 40% arrive without children.  

In a recent New York Times article A C.E.O.’s Support a ka Husband, the author cites a new study “The New C.E.Os,” that looks at women and minorities who are chief executives.  The study reveals that of the 28 women C.E.O’s of Fortune 500 companies, only eighteen had children. That’s a far lower rate than the 87 percent of married women in the population at large who have children of their own, according to Census data.

The NYT article states:

“Statistics suggest that aspirants to America’s top corporate jobs had better have a spouse, partner or someone else willing to be devoted to the aspirant’s career. “How do you compete without a spouse? Basically, you can’t,” Richard Zweigenhaft said. Mr. Zweigenhaft is professor of psychology at Guilford College in North Carolina and the co-author (with G. William Domhoff) of “The New C.E.Os.”

My research bears this out as well.  Unless women have a solid support network at home, rising to the top is riddled with insurmountable challenges.

What needs to change for women’s ambitions to be achievable?

Women have made far more headway in the workplace than at home.  Women are still judged harshly and even “hated” when viewed as aggressive or highly successful in the workplace.  And the pressure is still enormous on men to succeed at all costs.  Only when our rigid gender roles shift allowing both women and men to honor their authentic choices and longings will we see a change in our current professional and leadership dynamic. 

Women will surpass their current rate of 16% in senior corporate leadership in the U.S. only when:

-  Our society stops putting men down for supporting their wives’ professional ascension (and staying home to care for their children if they choose)

-  Women stop shying away from raising their hands for the most advancement-oriented and ambitious projects, goals and endeavors that will advance their careers

-  Women grow more comfortable displaying behavioral and emotional characteristics of ambition

-  Society grows more comfortable with highly successful women

-  Both men and women shake off the rigid gender role limitations in place today

-  Women stop having to pay a price of success in terms of being less accepted, liked, and supported, and having to sacrifice their family and personal lives

-  Employers start listening to the facts about the current obstacles impeding women’s success, and take powerful, positive action to revise their work cultures

-  And finally, both men and women gain more courage to do what it takes to live and work as they want to. 

In the end, how can professional women reach the highest levels of corporate leadership? 

Stay in the workforce.  Stay true to both your personal and professional goals, and find a way to balance what you need and want most.  Don’t buy into the myth that you’re not as ambitious as your male colleagues.  You are.  If you want to be the best in your field, commit to finding a way to honor what you care about most in your personal and professional life.  If it’s not possible in your current work situation, find another that will support your advancement.

Make it happen.  And ask your employer for effective leadership and executive support and training that will change your existing work culture, and modify how you and others think about women, men and ambition.  It’s up to you.

What’s your biggest obstacle standing in the way of your ambition, and what are you doing about it?

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The Wrong Kind of Help – Six Key Traits of “Help” that Hurts

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

As an empowerment researcher, I’ve studied for eight years what constitutes “helpful” help versus advice or counsel that diminishes and demeans, or sends you in the wrong direction.

The sad news is that thousands of so-called “helpers” in our world today – our family members, friends, service providers of all walks (doctors, lawyers, financial consultants, therapists, coaches, counselors, intuitive, healers, etc.) – simply haven’t done the inner and outer work they need to, to offer empowering, uplifting support.  Instead, the assistance they give is the disempowering kind, dragging us down, keeping us stuck at the same problematic level we seek to rise above.

In my therapy training and work as a career coach, I’ve learned (and tell my clients openly) that only they can discern if the help they’re getting is right for them.  And they should walk away immediately when it’s not.

Each individual has his/her own unique personality, values, beliefs, traits, needs, and priorities – and these coalesce in a way that is individual and special. So the help you receive needs to honor that individuality – and make you right, not wrong. 

My advice to folks seeking help is this – if after the first meeting with the helper you feel empowered, excited, and validated,  and if the help allows you to progress in satisfying ways, then it’s a good match.  If on the other hand, you feel demeaned or misunderstood, challenged in negative ways, and discouraged,  then it’s time to change your helper.

What Kind of Help is the Hurting Kind?

The following are hallmarks of assistance that is wrong for you – and ends up being hurtful not helpful.

You’ll know “bad” help when:

  1. The helper claims s/he is an expert about you (it’s not true – you’re the expert about you)
  2. The help is one-size-fits-all, that applies the same tools and approaches to everyone  – it’s not tailored to your individualized case or scenario
  3. The helper assumes you need “fixing” or believes you’re the problem
  4. The help you receive keeps you stuck  –  you keep experiencing the same the problems over and over
  5. The helper is enmeshed with you – s/he does not support you to grow beyond the help they give
    (I hate to say it, folks, but there are many therapists, coaches and consultants out there who WANT you to keep you coming back because of the money it makes them or because they want you to need them.  I see this in some exorbitantly-paid therapists and consultants all the time.)
  6. Receiving help is a negative experience that drains you of your vitality, hope, and excitement for life. (Or, on the other hand, the help is so overly-optimistic that it doesn’t reflect reality and leads you astray).

 My world is about helping professional women achieve their highest visions.  As I’ve moved into the leadership arena, I’ve seen a lot out there that calls itself “leadership coaching” for women, claiming that it helps women advance.  But what I see instead is a good deal of faulty advice or information that tells women they’re wrong for how they feel and what they want. 

To counter this, I’m launching a new yearlong, 12-part Career Enhancement Program for corporate women for corporate organizations, designed to enliven and support professional women to attain the career visions they hold most exciting and fulfilling.  I aim to provide the highest form of help I can – assistance that achieves the following goals:

Empowering Support:

1)      Validates you – Makes you right (not wrong); focuses NOT on “fixing”you, but honoring who you are at your core

2)      Tailors the help to your specific values, beliefs and needs – not one-size-fits- all

3)      Strengthens and stretches you, helping you see your greatest talents and strengths as well as growth areas

4)      Takes you to a new level – so you overcome previous challenges and are ready for new ones

5)      Encourages you to be more of who you already are – authentically and with integrity, so you can help others
expand and grow as well

6)      Fills you up so you want to experience even more of life and work – gives you a deep and thorough understanding of who you are and where you want to go, realistically.

If your organization is committed to inclusion and diversity, and wants to support professional women’s growth, I hope you’ll reach out – I’d love to offer this 12-month Career Enhancement Program to you and your colleagues.

In the meantime, please remember that getting outside your own head and asking for support to overcome your specific challenges is vitally important.  But choosing the right kind of help– the kind that allows you to move toward the highest and best version of you – is the most important choice of all.  And only you can choose the best help for you.

What kind of help works best for you? And have you ever received help that hurts?

Mandating Women at the Leadership Table: Why the Time is Now

Friday, March 25th, 2011

I’m thrilled that Forbes.com in partnership with 85 Broads published my piece today on “Mandating Women at the Leadership Table: Why the Time is Now.”

This issue is vitally important to American businesses and to both men and women.  I’d be so grateful for your comments on the Forbes.com piece. PLEASE! Add your voice to the conversation.  Let’s be heard!

Thanks so much for your contributions.

The Seven Key Traits of a Great Leader

Monday, March 21st, 2011

In the past several months, I’ve immersed myself in the process of understanding more about what makes a truly great leader in the corporate world.  I’ve also explored the current research and thinking about women’s leadership styles and approaches versus men’s, and I’ve compared what others are saying to my own experiences and research with women in corporate leadership positions.   I’m also focusing my own work now on helping women grow their leadership capabilities and reach their highest potential as leaders.

It’s been a fascinating journey of learning which has led me to reframe some of my views about what it takes to be a positive leader who, through her own vision, efforts, and energy, can bring about deeply instrumental change in our world and our workforce.

From where I sit today, great leadership is comprised of these seven behavioral traits:

The leader…

1)      Embodies the way – She thinks, acts and behaves in ways that are congruent to what she holds to be true and valuable, in her company and in her world. She is a role model in every way for what she stands for and what she espouses.

2)      Inspires a shared vision – She envisions what is possible for the future, and infuses tremendous positive spirit and energy into that vision, allowing everyone who interacts with her a window into what is possible through collaboration, cooperation and contribution.

3)      Challenges content and process – She understands that adhering to the status quo and accepting things as they are is not the pathway to change and growth.  She uncovers new (yet unthreatening) ways of thinking, being, and doing – and encourages others to do the same — in both “content” and “process. ”  These new ways allow for greater expansion and success.

4)      Empowers others – She invests time, energy and commitment in empowering and engaging others, building their self-reliance, independence and growth as individuals and as collaborators.

5)      Integrates the whole – She understands that when people bring their whole selves to a task, and when unity can be achieved rather than compartmentalization, the outcome is much greater than the sum of the parts.  She is an integrated individual herself, and fosters integration and wholeness in others and throughout the organization.

6)      Supports inclusion over hierarchy – She operates under the belief that inclusion is preferred over exclusion, and centrality is preferred over hierarchy.  She doesn’t long to sit alone at the top.  Instead, she wants to be in the center (in other words, at the heart) of a large and effective web of inclusion that does what it sets out to do, with ease, clarity, grace, and focus (for more on the web of inclusion, see Sally Helgesen’s The Web of Inclusion and The Female Advantage)

7)      Fosters the heart and spirit – Finally, she creates a supportive, healthy environment that allows all those involved to behave, think, and perform from a heart-based place, where they can feel and experience themselves as personally and professionally aligned.  She shapes an organization in which there is a solid common ground between what the individual wants and what the company wants from the individual.  Employees are able to engage their hearts and spirits in their work, rather than being diminished, penalized or alienated for being true to who they really are. 

(For more in-depth coverage on several of these ideas, check out The Leadership Challenge, by Kouzes and Posner.  The ideas above represent my female perspective on some of its teachings).

*  *  *  *  *

In the end, the great visionary leader knows that the best and most effective organizations foster individuals’ natural talents, growth, strength, and self-reliance.  They nurture employees’ ability to connect to who they truly are.  Further, great leaders allow individuals to demonstrate at work what they know to be true of themselves, as well as give form to their life intentions in ways that are in service to the organization as well as the community and world at large. 

In my lifetime, I’ve had the chance to serve under only a very small number of great leaders.  But I know this to be true – when you do, it can be a life-changing experience.

So, what are your thoughts on the above leadership traits?  Does your view of great corporate leadership match mine?  I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

Which behavioral traits do you think are essential for an effective and compelling leader?  And how do you think men and women are different as corporate leaders? Thanks for sharing!

Do America’s Employers Really Care about Women’s Issues?

Monday, March 14th, 2011

Last Thursday, I had a wonderfully powerful meeting with three inspiring colleagues who are authors affiliated with the publisher of my book Breakdown Breakthrough Berrett-Koehler Publishers.  Each of these folks has a breadth of knowledge and diversity of experience that boggles the mind – they are exciting to be with, and fascinating to learn from.  They are Larry Ackerman of The Identity Circle, Jesse Stoner of The Seapoint Center, and Katherine Armstrong. (Thanks, my friends, for a deeply enlivening gathering!)  I highly recommend following their work – you’ll be glad you did.

Based on what happened in our gathering, I’m reminded once again of the immense power of groups, and the transformative effect of open-hearted, authentic connection and collaboration. 

One question we explored a bit that is near and dear to my heart was this – Do American employers really care about women’s issues in the workplace, or about advancing women into the ranks of corporate leadership?  

I’m saddened to say that based on my work with thousands of women nationwide from hundreds of organizations around the country, I’m not at all convinced that a critical mass of U.S. employers care about advancing women to the senior ranks, or are ready to commit hard dollars to it – not yet.   Data speaks, and today, women represent only 15% of the leadership in U.S. corporations.

In other countries (Norway, for instance), there are official, stated mandates and goals for the number of women who are to be supported to advance to leadership within corporations.  As far as I know, no such stated goals or mandates exist today in the U.S. Further, the U.S. ranks 72nd in the world, in terms of the percentage of women leaders elected to a national governing body, behind Cuba and China.   How can this be? And why is it?

The word on the street in my consulting and coaching circles is that “women’s issues don’t pay,” and “women’s empowerment efforts just don’t get traction.”  I believe this has indeed been true here in the US during the past years, and I want to get to the bottom of this notable lack of a sanctioned commitment to advancing women in corporate leadership. 

What do you think are the real reasons behind this?

From the qualitative research I’ve conducted, there are numerous possible explanations, including:

1)      Those of us who care about this cause haven’t made a compelling enough fact-based argument to government or to American corporate leadership that advancing women is a MUST HAVE for the success of American business.

And/Or

2)      We HAVE made a compelling argument with irrefutable data, research, and statistics, but the underlying “white male competitive career model” in place in corporate America remains intractable.

And/Or

3)      As with most things in life, if we’re not forced to change (by an outside intervention, event or mandate), we won’t shift, even if we know we’re currently not on the right track.

I’m on a mission to address all of these issues, and to support a breakthrough movement for corporate women.   For instance, I’m in the process of co-developing a new software assessment tool (based on my yearlong research and book Breakdown Breakthrough) that will help professional women explore their efficacy, productivity and engagement in their current job and workplace.  It aims to uncover too the risk level of women in all ranks of experiencing at least one of the 12 common yet “hidden” crises working women face today.  Where risk is widespread, we’ll provide follow-up support and training to help women overcome these crises. 

Secondly, I’m focused on the development of new leadership training models and consulting programs that will help both men and women in corporate America deconstruct the outmoded “ male competitive career model” that many workplaces still support, and build a new, inclusive model that honors and nurtures diversity. 

I simply refuse to give up.  For me, this outcome – of ushering women into the ranks of corporate leadership in greater and greater numbers each year — is a MUST have for American business.  Supporting a full-out breakthrough movement for women in America is where it’s at for me. 

So, what about you?  Do you think America truly cares about women’s issues as they relate to the workforce? Are you seeing evidence that corporations across the country are taking up the charge to help women grow in their leadership and management roles – and committing time, energy, and resources to this in an outward, measurable manner?  Are they walking the talk, or simply giving lip-service?

Please share your candid views and experience.   Tell me where I’m wrong – show me proof that corporate America does care in a big and widespread way about advancing women.  Show me where it’s working.  And tell me – What do you think we need to do today to make measurable strides in advancing a critical mass of women into corporate leadership.

Thank you for your input!