Posts Tagged ‘success’

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The Art of Power – Why Accessing Your Power Is Essential For Your Happiest Life

Friday, April 5th, 2013

Courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Right now, I’m undergoing a fascinating unearthing process with my branding consultant — the amazingly talented Jayme Johnson of Worthy Marketing Group — as I develop and hone the content for a new website and several new projects and business models I’m creating in the coming months.

I’m deeply excited about this process and the outcomes that are emerging.  I do this type of work often with my own clients, but having a gifted branding partner for my own business is so stimulating and eye-opening.  I’m finding that this hard excavation work of determining exactly what I LOVE to do with clients (versus what I don’t like or feel bored by), has helped me feel stronger, clearer and ready to be more of service in ways that reflect my true essence and strengths.

What’s been fascinating too has been to explore my own thoughts about personal and professional “power” and the importance of it to live a happy, fulfilled and rewarding life.  As I read the thought-provoking book The Art of Power, by the renowned Vietnamese Buddhist Zen master, poet, scholar and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh, I realize I feel exactly as he does about power:

“Our society is founded on a very limited definition of power, namely wealth, professional success, fame, physical strength, military might and political control.  My dear friends, I suggest that there is another kind of power, a greater power: the power to be happy right in the present moment, free from addiction, fear, despair, discrimination, anger, and ignorance.  This power is the birthright of every human being whether celebrated or unknown, rich or poor, strong or weak.  Let’s explore this exact kind of power…”

I believe that personal and professional power comes from tapping the deepest well of all that you are, and fully owning that – not fearing it, distorting it, suppressing or resisting it, or misusing it, but embracing it to become more of yourself, so that you can be of the highest degree of service to your own life and to others and the world.  I’ve found that I have an uncanny knack for “seeing” in just a few minutes a woman’s “power gaps,” and I help clients see how the pain from their past has created an impediment to their power.  From that exploration, we move on to uncovering the very essence of who they are, which reveals why their role and function in the world – no matter how big or how small – is so important, if they would only stop resisting it.

Why is “power” so important to a well-lived and joyful life?  Only through accessing your fullest personal and professional power can you do the following:

  1. Create healthy, appropriate boundaries to protect yourself from damage and hurt
  2. Be of full service to others, your community and your world as you dream to and as is necessary
  3. Build relationships that nurture, nourish, strengthen, and support you
  4. Embrace and learn from positive critique and from life’s important lessons
  5. Feel deep compassion, empathy and concern for others, which allows you to feel it for yourself
  6. Keep from wasting precious time, energy, and resources on endeavors, relationships, and initiatives that you’re not meant to pursue
  7. Avoid having painful unfinished business and regrets during your life and at the end of it
  8. Speak up and ask for what you need, deserve and want
  9. Help others in their amazing pursuits that bring about tremendously positive outcomes
  10. Change the world

I believe that almost everyone on this planet has “power gaps.” The vast majority of us are not accessing to the fullest degree possible our true personal and professional power.  That’s why this work feels so urgent and essential to me – there’s so much to do that can help unleash the potential we hold inside.

Now that I’m clearer about what I’m doing, I’d like to help you get there too.  To move you on the path of accessing your fullest power and recognizing your critical role in the world, I’d ask you these questions (inspired by the insightful “strengths-based” work of Marcus Buckingham):

Can you identify what you’ve done or are doing that makes you feel strong, confident, and totally on your game vs. “weak,” bored, strained, or “less than?”

Identify those things that make you feel strong, and move toward them.  Go where the energy and joy are in greatest abundance.  That way, you’ll be on the road to closing your power gaps and accessing your true power.

I hope you’ll share your thoughts here – what tasks or roles make you feel strongest, most alive?

(And if you need some support to fully access your personal and professional power, join me on my FREE Monthly Career Coaching Call series – it will move you forward!)

 

 

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Empowerment, Feeling Your Best, Kathy Caprino, Leadership | 20 Comments »

So You Want to Start Something Stupid? Why You Must

Friday, March 8th, 2013
richienorton

Richie Norton

In my coaching and training work helping women lead more fulfilling lives, I’m asked every day questions like this: “Kathy, do you think this is too stupid an idea?”  or “This may be really crazy, but I’m thinking of…” or my favorite, “My family says this is nuts and will never work, but I’m thinking of…” Thousands of people are wracked with fear, paralysis, and embarrassment (or even shame) when considering if they should pursue something “stupid” that their heart desires most.

But after 10 years of helping people turn “stupid” into amazing, I trust wholeheartedly in the power of starting your own version of something stupid, and have seen how this process turns a mediocre and unsatisfying life into a thrilling one.

I was intrigued, then, to discover Richie Norton’s new book The Power of Starting Something Stupid: How to Crush Fear, Make Dreams Happen & Live Without Regret, and couldn’t wait to speak to Richie about his ideas and his journey from “stupid” to stupendous.

As I read the book, I was deeply moved by Richie’s personal story of losing his beautiful and perfect infant boy of only 10 weeks, and having to make the unbearable decision not to resuscitate him as the process would only prolong his suffering and in the end, not save his life.  As is often the case when tragedy rips a gash in our reality, we feel forever changed by the loss.  In Richie’s case, his life took on a very real sense of urgency, and he faced the shocking realization that circumstance is completely outside our realm of control.  Not just certain circumstances, but ALL circumstance.  This realization opened the door for Richie to learn the biggest lesson of his life to date, what he calls “Gavin’s Law” (named after his beloved brother-in-law Gavin, who died at 21, just two years before the death of his baby boy Gavin).

Gavin’s Law is this:

“Live to start. Start to live.”

There is so much to learn in Richie’s book, but I want to share here Richie’s 6 steps to making our dreams happen.  From my perspective, this model covers all the key bases, and if you use this as a roadmap to pursuing your crazy, stupid idea, you’ll be on the right track.

The 6 steps to Making Dreams Happen and Living without Regret:

1.  Crush Fear
It’s not the actual circumstances that we should feel threatened by, it’s the fear of the circumstances that poses the real threat. The bottom line is that people with high aspirations are going to experience a proportionately high level of fear. If high aspirations are equal to high fear, then the flip side to that truth is that overcoming high fear is equal to achieving high aspirations. To crush fear doesn’t mean you eliminate it; crushing fear means you literally crush it down into smaller, more manageable parts and tackle one piece at a time.

2.  End Pride

The line between fear and pride is nearly imperceptible. At the heart of pride, is the fear of looking stupid. Pride convinces people to feel justified in quitting because, for prideful people, approval is sought at all costs—even at the cost of success. Prideful people won’t ask for help, they won’t ask questions, and they don’t want to do anything to challenge the status quo. To overcome pride, you must embrace “The Humble Power Alternative” –  lean into your “stupid” ideas, do more than you think you should do, take ownership of your life, don’t blame others for lack of success, and encourage others in their success. There is true power born of humility.

3.  Overcome Procrastination

When we procrastinate, we fill our lives with the tasks that are right in front of us rather than make the concerted effort to leave enough room in our schedules to pursue dreams. Procrastination doesn’t always come in the form of frivolous activities. Often we’re filling our time with good or even essential tasks, but even so, anytime you postpone doing the things that are most important in your life, you are falling victim to procrastination. “Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried” (the slogan of Procrastinators Anonymous). Procrastination must be overcome or it will rob you of the things that could be most significant in your life.


>>TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON FORBES, CLICK HERE<<

There are so many helpful ideas in Richie’s book, including how to evaluate a “stupid” idea to see if it’s stupid smart, or viewing the starting of something stupid as a “project” rather than a do-or-die endeavor, or my favorite tip: making a pact to surround yourself every day only with people who embody the “serve, thank, ask, receive, trust” philosophy.

But what you’ll find most in this book is a powerful reminder that within you is a kernel, the seed of something enormous that others (or your inner critic) will say is stupid, but when honored and nurtured, will show you why you’re on this planet at this time, and why no one else can contribute and make the difference that you can, if you only start.

Are you deeply longing to start something stupid?  What will it take for you to crush your fear and start it today?

(For more about Richie, check out www.richienorton.com and The Power of Starting Something Stupid.  And to gain clarity on the stupid ideas you long to pursue in your career, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.)

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Posted in Advice, Amazing Career Success, Breakthroughs, Empowerment | No Comments »

6 Core Steps to Figuring Out What You Want To Be

Saturday, January 5th, 2013

Image Courtesy of Pakorn on FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In response to my Forbes, Huffington Post and AARP Work Reimagined posts, I hear one type of comment over and over again, more than any other, and it goes something like this: “I just don’t know what I want.  Despite all my efforts, I can’t figure it out what I want to do.”

I find this an amazing phenomenon – that so many Americans have lost touch with who and what they want to be professionally.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging anyone here, because this was me 12 years ago.  I built an 18-year corporate career in publishing, marketing and membership services, and for most of it, I was outwardly successful.  But throughout it all, I was inwardly very unhappy and kept asking “Is this all there is?   I loved my family life, but my career was deeply unsatisfying.  Despite my efforts to get help to figure out what else I should professionally (I saw a therapist and career counselor, took costly quantitative assessment tests [which I’m not a fan of, by the way], etc.), I couldn’t figure out what else to do.  I finally did figure it out and forged a very fulfilling path, but it took years and some very costly missteps.

After 10 years of serving as career coach and trainer to help professionals build more satisfying careers, I’ve uncovered why people are so resistant to career change.  And I’ve created a successful model with a step-by-step program to help professionals  build a career that delivers both the “essence” of what makes them happy, along with the right “form” of it to suit their financial needs, values, life intentions, standards of integrity and more.

So how do we do it?  What are the six keys to figuring out what you really want?

1)  Pull yourself out of the tiny box you’re trapped in

All people who are stuck feel this way because they’ve made some costly or rigid assumptions about what they need to be happy or what they’re capable of creating. These assumptions (often unconscious) keep them trapped in a tight little box with a lid that won’t budge.

Some of these limiting assumptions are:

-  I need to earn $XXXXXX to live the life I want

-  My marriage or family won’t survive my making this change

-  I’ll be too old by the time I make this change

-  I don’t have what it takes to reinvent myself or even repurpose what I do

-  I’m a loser and a failure – I can’t compete

-  I’m too unskilled or out of touch with current trends

-  I have nothing important to offer

-  I’m not special

-  I’m too beat up and burnt out

-  Nothing else will be better

How can you get out of the box? 

Certainly not by yourself.  You simply can’t identify your special talents, capabilities and potential alone and in a vacuum.  And you can’t solve your problems on the level of awareness that they were created.  You’ve got to involve someone else in the discussion about your life, and make it someone you respect, who’s knowledgeable, successful and fulfilled in what they do, and who doesn’t have an agenda about where you net out. Find someone today who can mentor, advise or coach you about what’s possible, and help you see what’s holding you back from identifying the power you have to make a difference, and the vast number of options that are truly available to you.

If you’re trying to do this all by yourself, you just won’t make headway.

2)  Don’t throw the baby out – look at what IS working along with what IS NOT

Many people wake up in midlife to the fact that their careers are dissatisfying and unsuccessful, and they’re so upset about it, they want to chuck the whole thing out.  Don’t make that mistake.  Conduct a thorough assessment of what you would like to preserve and maintain in your current career, and get rid of only the parts that make you feel angry, sad, frustrated, and thwarted. After all, you’ve been in this career for some time now – it’s not all bad.  You were attracted to it once, and you are utilizing some talents and skills that you want to continue to draw on.

As an example, I spent years as a copywriter and marketing professional in publishing. I didn’t enjoy writing copy for scientific books and journals, but I was good at it.  Now, I use all of those copywriting skills daily (and enjoy them), for my own business, and as a marketing consultant helping career women, entrepreneurs and small businesses promote their brands and services.

3)  Address your problems now, before making a change

I make this a mandate in all the career coaching work I do – that the client begin today to address and resolve what’s making them miserable in the current job or career before they leap.  Until you feel more empowered and  become more controlled, authoritative, and masterful in your current situation, you can’t expect to attract a better situation in the next chapter.  You’ve got to do the inner and outer work to earn a “fantastic” career – it’s not just going to fall in your lap.

I’ve found that once my clients do the work to address their problems in the current situation, their challenges tend to evaporate and often they don’t need to leap to something completely different.

(To learn more about how build your self-confidence, risk-tolerance, self-mastery and capabilities, visit The Amazing Career Project and download my free homework tool “Assessing and Closing Your Power Gaps”).

4)  Develop a supportive network and community that loves you

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, but the reality is you cannot get where you want to in life and work if you don’t have help.  No matter where you are in your career, you need people to help you launch to the next level.  Start building a more powerful network of loyal colleagues who admire and appreciate you and would be more than happy to help you do what you want.  There are many ways to develop a community that will support you, including utilizing LinkedIn fully, offering endorsements and testimonials to people you respect, attending association and networking meetings of professionals in your field, reaching out to former colleagues who you admire, taking a class with other exciting, like-minded professionals, and the list goes on. (Here are a few helpful resources —  my free LinkedIn Primer  and Resume Guide — to get you started.)

5)   Build your personal brand and tell your story well

Before you can figure out what you really want and get it, you have to know who you are and tell a compelling story about yourself.  Of the thousands of professionals I meet and work with each year, only a tiny fraction can answer these questions in a compelling and engaging way:

What are you fabulous at and known for?

What do you offer and do that is significantly different from what the best in your field do?

What were you noticed for back when you were a teen and young adult?

What skills, talents, abilities make you stand out?

What life experiences have shaped you in special ways?

What are your Life Intentions?

What are your core values – the non-negotiables you need in life to be happy and fulfilled?

Whom do you love to serve and support, and why?

When you’re 90 years old looking back, what do you want to have given, contributed, stood for and achieved?

If you can’t answer these questions, you won’t figure out what you really want because you just don’t know yourself well enough and others won’t know how to help you.  To learn who you really are, take my free Career Path Self-Assessment.

6)  Now…connect the dots

After you’ve done all this work, it’s time to connect the dots (listen to the amazing Steve Jobs talk about how to live before you die and “connect  the dots”).  Figure out what paths will truly make sense for who you are and what you want to achieve in life.

Gain clarity about the best path for you by conducting online, offline, passive and active (in-person) research, to answer these critical questions:

What are my passions, and which of these make sense as a livelihood and which are better as hobbies?

Based on the passions, talents and skills I have, what are the careers best suited to me?

What are all the factors I need to address in planning my next direction (money, timing, energy, geography, family needs, support, enjoyment, health, etc.)

In this process, am I making any erroneous assumptions about myself and my life that I need to rethink?

Do I know what it takes to be successful in this new direction, and am I committed to it 100%?

Do I really want to start my own business, or am I just running away from something?

How will I fund my career change or transition?

Where will I find the ongoing support I need?

Don’t make the same huge blunders that so many career changers make.  Do the inner and outer work required to 1) discover who you are and what really matters to you, 2) overcome the obstacles in the way of your success, and 3) identify and “try on” the paths that make the most sense for you and your life.

And get the help you need to reach your highest potential.

It’s takes a great deal of effort to LOVE who you are, and to relish your life and career.  But what an incredibly enjoyable and rewarding path when you do.

 

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Posted in Amazing Career Success, Breakthroughs, Careers, Empowerment | 1 Comment »

Do You Deserve An Amazing Career?

Saturday, September 15th, 2012

(As featured on Kathy’s Huffington Post blog)

As one who works with thousands of professional women each year to transform their careers ,  I’ve been asked almost every question you can think of about professional life.  I’ve also observed over these past nine years what holds women back most from having “knock-your-socks-off” success and fulfillment in their professional lives, and these blocks are not what you’d expect.

Most professionals I work with have achieved a good deal of outward success – responsibility, promotions, authority, recognition, supervision of large staff and budgets, etc. – but for the majority, something vital is missing, and they know it in their hearts and souls.  They can’t seem to put their fingers on what they want most, or how to get it.  It’s like a secret treasure that they keep hunting for everywhere – under every rock, in every new job, relationship, boss, organization, country, entrepreneurial venture — but they still can’t find it.

I’ve seen that almost everyone has at least one “power gap”– an area in which they just don’t have the confidence, self-worth, self-esteem or will power to take them to the next level that they so desperately long for.  The great news is that all of this can change, if you commit to, and invest in, doing the inner and outer work required.

What are these secret career success steps that are missing for so many professionals today, and can everyone access what they need to, to build an amazing career?

The first truth is that while having an amazing career is a potential that everyone can grasp, only a relatively few will step up and commit to it.  I remember speaking with a coach in the Tony Robbins organization who told me, “I don’t care what my clients want – everybody ‘wants’ a thousand things.  I care about what they’ll commit to.”  I subscribe to that same philosophy about career transformation.  Why? Because doing what’s required to absolutely LOVE your career – to be proud of who and what you are in the world and how you’re of service, and know you’re reaching your highest and best potential, takes a great deal of courage, work, commitment, energy, trust, and perseverance – and it takes walking to the farthest edge of your limitations, and jumping — into the scary new territory that is necessary to take you higher.

Are you one of those who WILL commit to doing what it takes to have an amazing career, or just dream about it?  Check out below the top five steps you have to take, and see if you feel ready for what’s required:

The five core steps to create an amazing career –

Step 1: Step back to understand the lessons your life and career are trying to teach you.

Your life is teaching you lessons, but most people just aren’t getting them.  Every day, you receive powerful guidance from your life about what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong (in terms of getting closer to what you want most out of life).  Most just don’t recognize these messages as clear beacons to show you the way to go.  The first step to an amazing career is to make a deep, critical and fearless evaluation of where you are today — what’s working, what isn’t, and what you want most. This includes gaining an intimate understanding of what makes you tick – your personality, values, needs, dreams, legacy, and your power “gaps” – those areas of weakness or insecurity that keep you stalled and stuck. Until you get off the hamster wheel and do this intensive work of exploration and discovery, you’ll continue to spin your wheels wondering why you’re not happier. (Take my free Career Path Self-Assessment to get you going on this.)

 

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON HUFFINGTON POST


If you’re ready to commit to an amazing career, I hope you’ll join me in my new career transformation project –  the Amazing Career Project.   See you there!

 

 

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Posted in Amazing Career Success, Careers, Following Your Dreams, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino | No Comments »

Entrepreneurial Women Rocking the World

Saturday, May 19th, 2012

Celebrity Hairstylist and Entrepreneur Sally Hershberger

In my numerous roles as career and executive coach, writer, speaker and professional trainer dedicated to women’s advancement in business, I have the good fortune of crossing paths with many entrepreneurial women who doing truly great things in the world.  From building multimillion dollar enterprises, to creating groundbreaking new products and services, to sharing vitally important messages that transform the world, these women are making their marks in a very big way, and have powerful lessons to teach all of us who wish to do the same.

To support these women and to help other women come forward with their talents and gifts, I’m excited to announce the launch of my new series on my “Career Bliss” Forbes blog called “Entrepreneurial Women Rocking the World.” This series will highlight the stories and insights of famous and soon-to-be-famous women who are changing how things are done in the business world, shaping their own futures as they truly want them, and paving the way for all women who wish to create abundant success — financially, spiritually, personally and professionally.

My first post in the series highlights the accomplishments and lessons of celebrity hairstylist and successful entrepreneur Sally Hershberger.  Here’s her story and her Top Seven Success Tips:

Top 7 Success Tips from Celebrity Hairstylist and Entrepreneur Sally Hershberger

Having met Sally in March and watching her in action, I immediately saw in her an energy that I admired and appreciated – she’s confident, authoritative, and commanding, but in a way that attracts you to her, not repels you.  I hope you enjoy the piece, and are inspired by her journey and insights.

Please follow my Career Bliss blog and stay tuned for more features and stories about exciting entrepreneurial women including:

Tory Johnson
Mary Lou Quinlan
Sara Blakely

and many more!

And if you have suggestions for top entrepreneurial women you’d like to see highlighted and who are rocking your world, feel free to reach out and offer your recommendations.   I’d love to hear from you.

Here’s to making our marks in the world, without reservation, fear or doubt.  The time is now!

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Careers, Empowerment, Entrepreneurship, Following Your Dreams, Kathy Caprino, success | No Comments »

Don’t Chuck Your Career Before You Take These Steps

Thursday, March 1st, 2012

I’ve spent eight years working with mid to high-level professionals and executives to achieve greater career success, growth and leadership, as well as to transform their careers completely.  I know a good deal about the process personally too, as I’ve traversed a number of diverging career paths over the past 20 years, including publishing, marketing, market research, marriage and family therapy, coaching, speaking, and teaching.

If you asked me my views on career reinvention five years ago, I would have said some very different things than I do today.

So what’s different?

In the past three and a half years, I’ve learned what’s required (for myself and others) to navigate through highly challenging financial times while at the same time successfully creating a more fulfilling professional life.

I’m not talking about pie-in-the-sky, follow-your-bliss nonsense here.  I’m talking about real-life positive career and life change that lasts and continues to reap benefit and reward.

The Myth of Career Ecstasy

Today, as new clients come to me – both men and women — I see an alarming myth that thousands of midlife individuals have been suckered into believing.  It’s hitting boomer folks hard, and truthfully, I don’t see this same myth prevalent in younger generations.  I call it the “myth of career ecstasy” – the damaging, misguided notion that all it will take to make your life happier and more rewarding is to chuck out your old, unsatisfying career, and land in a new one, despite what else is falling apart in your life.

Here’s how the story goes:

A midlife professional woman comes to me after 15+ years of corporate work.  She’s awakened to the following realizations, and they hurt:

  • It feels as if her work has no contributive value in the world any more (for instance, she feels she’s “selling” something that doesn’t matter at all or isn’t of positive influence in the world)
  • She’s bored out of her mind doing the work she knows best and desperately wants a change
  • Her family needs her substantial income of $100M+
  • Her husband and children have grown accustomed to her overfunctioning and her perfectionism, and don’t want things to change too much. (Note: she handles over 75% of the domestic responsibility as well as her full-time job, and she’s worn out, stressed and depressed.  And her overfunctioning has held her husband back from contributing his fair share, financially, domestically, and otherwise.)
  • She feels an urgent need to change her personal and professional situation
  • She’s in a financial trap, not having saved enough money to take several years off to re-strategize, gain new education or training, and reinvent her career path
  • On top of these stresses, there are relationship, behavioral and other issues with her family members (elderly parents, children, spouse, etc.) that need urgent addressing
  • Despite the fact that numerous dimensions of this individual’s life are truly in “breakdown” mode, she believes that it’s a new career she should focus on, as (in her mind) that will bring her life the joy, peace, excitement, meaning, health, and purpose she longs for.

The problem is, it’s simply not true.

In her case — and for hundreds of thousands of women professionals in the world today — it’s not a wholesale career change that will bring you the satisfaction and fulfillment you want.  Instead, it’s taking hard, urgently-needed action that addresses the root causes of your troubles that will make the difference in your career and life.

Busting the Career Ecstasy Myth: The Top Six Steps You Need to Take to Change Your Life for the Better

Here’s what needs to happen for your life to change for the better… and it isn’t job change, for now.

CLICK HERE TO READ FULL ARTICLE ON FORBES.COM

What are your top three life and career challenges today and are you addressing them head on?

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Posted in Advice, Careers, Empowerment, Kathy Caprino, Leadership, Support for Change, Women in Business | No Comments »

The 7 Reasons Women Don’t Talk About Success

Friday, January 6th, 2012
Français : L'actrice américaine Shirley MacLai...

Image via Wikipedia

As a career and executive coach dedicated to the advancement of women, it’s not often these days that I’m surprised by women’s behavior. I know women – especially midlife ones – quite well, or so I thought.    But I’ve been rocked recently by a finding that’s emerging from my research on Women Succeeding Abundantly.  This study explores the stories of working women across the country, ages 25 to 75 who are experiencing abundant success on their own terms as they define it, and are thriving and living joyfully.

I’m learning as the study progresses that women are much more comfortable talking about how things are not what they want in their lives, than they are sharing about their successes. They just very reluctant to come forward and admit, “Hey, I’m really successful, and I’m proud of that!”

A friend of mine recently shared with me that when Shirley MacLaine won her Oscar in 1984 for her role in “Terms of Endearment,” she was certainly grateful in her acceptance speech, but also declared, “Thanks, I deserve this!” 

Nuggets of Shirley’s speech…

“I don’t believe there are such things as accidents.  I think that we all manifest what we want and what we need.  I don’t think there’s a difference really between what you feel you have to do in your heart, and success – they’re inseparable…Films and life are like clay waiting for us to mold it, and when you trust your own insides and that becomes achievement, it’s a kind of principle it seems to me is at work with everyone…God bless that potential that we all have for making anything possible if we think we deserve it.  I deserve this.  Thank you!”

From that sentiment of her feeling of deservedness, there was some backlash – in other words, people thought “How dare she say she deserves to win!”

Wow…I guess we had better not even whisper that we’ve earned our great success and that it’s well-deserved.  It’s just not yet acceptable yet for women to do so.  And this is not something we’ve “made up” in our minds.  Unfortunately, national research shows that success and likability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.  In other words – women who are successful aren’t liked as well as successful men.

CLICK HERE to read my full Huffington Post article on why women don’t talk about their success. 

Are you reluctant to share your successes openly?  If so, what holds you back the most?

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Posted in Careers, Empowerment, Kathy Caprino, Women in Business | 2 Comments »

How to Make – and Fulfill – New Year’s Resolutions That Change Your Life

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

New Year’s Resolutions are promises we make to ourselves about a future vision we wish to achieve, but we often (dare I say “almost always”) lack the strategy, commitment, focus, and accountability to make them a reality. 

Here are five simple yet powerful tips to getting your groove on in terms of keeping these important commitments to your own success and happiness, and achieving true life change.

 1) Make your resolutions S.M.A.R.T.

Don’t just say – “I’m going to lose 15 pounds.” The vagueness of the “how” behind a big goal sets you up for failure.  Make each resolution a S.M.A.R.T. goal – that is, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.  So instead of “lose 15 pounds,” dimensionalize the goal and break it down into bite-sized pieces. 

 Develop a fully fleshed-out plan and articulate it in writing.  State something like: “Beginning January 7, I will follow my new plan to lose 1 lb per week. I’ll do it through my new nutritional menus, 3 days of 30-minute cycling per week, and a short hike each weekend.” Then monitor your progress each week and revise your course if necessary all along the way to your goal.  Remember: if you don’t DO anything different from what you’ve always done, nothing will change.

 2) Dream Big, But Add a Dose of Realism

It’s wonderful to dream big, but you also need to be realistic about the time, energy and commitment it will take to make your resolution a reality.

 If you want a lofty goal as a resolution such as “I will finally write my book,” first understand what you’re committing to in terms of time, money, focus, and actions that will make this goal a reality.  As an initial step, “try on” the goal (before making the resolution) by researching it online and offline, and interviewing five people you know who’ve published a book about what it truly takes to write one.  If after researching it, you feel you can and want to do it, make your resolution clear and manageable – “I will complete my manuscript by the end of 2011, finding the helpers I need along the way.”

3) Don’t Based Your Goal on the Negative – Juice it up with Positivity

If you hate your job and want out, don’t make your goal “I’ll leave my job by June.”  Reframe your goal to a more positive, expansive direction that encompasses what you truly want, not what you want to leave behind.  Shift your resolution to, “I will begin January 7th on a path of finding an exciting new job that aligns with my passions, talents, and skills.”

Then follow it up with the actions and endeavors required today to land a great new job.  First, figure out what you really want in the next chapter of life and work (take my free Career Path Assessment to gain deeper clarity on where you want to go.).  Then, take key steps to build your personal brand and a powerful network to support you.  Revamp your resume, reach out to recruiters, colleagues and friends, get more connected on social media and LinkedIn, and request endorsements on LinkedIn, for a solid start.

4) Connect With Your Capabilities and Past Successes

Before you make a resolution, think about times in the past you’ve achieved a great goal. How did you do it?  What motivated you, and how do you persevere through the challenging times?  Bring forward those traits and capabilities you already possess, and make sure those steps and abilities you’ve drawn on before are reflected in your new resolutions. 

For instance, a client of mine wanted to raise her fees in her consulting practice this year, but was nervous to do it in these recessionary times.  I asked her to recall a time when she asked for more money, and it worked out well.  She remembered asking for a raise in her corporate job several years ago, and getting it.  She brought to mind all the steps she took to accomplish that success (outlining her key achievements, doing research about what others at her level are earning, assessing the obstacles to her getting more money, becoming clearer about the value she brought to the table, etc.).  This past process that she successfully followed gave her the courage to ask for what she deserved in her new situation, and it worked. 

Bring all the learning from your past successes forward into your 2012 resolution success planning to show yourself you can do it.

5) Get Help To Be Accountable

We don’t achieve big goals alone, or in a vacuum.  That’s simply not how the best and most powerful work and accomplishments get done.  You need a collection of different helpers to fill in your “gaps” – including a mentor, a coach (if you can afford one), and a role model who is ten steps ahead of where you are today, and who embodies what you want and how you want it.  Realize what you don’t know, and get outside help to support you. 

As Einstein pointed out, we can’t solve a problem on the level it was created.  Ask your mentor or coach to hold you accountable.  Meet with them regularly to assess your progress, share your challenges, and ask for their insights into what you could be doing differently and how you can learn, grow, and change your mindset, habits and behaviors to achieve what you want.

 *  *  *  *  *

In the end, resolutions can be empty, unfulfilled promises filled with regret, or enlivening, motivating goals that help you be all you want to be in life and work.  It’s up to you.  I’d go for the latter! 

What’s your top New Year’s resolution for 2012 and how will you achieve it?

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What I Learned From Writing about LinkedIn on Forbes.com

Friday, September 30th, 2011

On September 13, I posted an article on Forbes.com about LinkedIn.  I covered what I felt were the 8 myths about what LinkedIn can (and can’t) do for your life and your career.  At that time, I was a contributor on ForbesWoman through the blog of my favorite women’s organization 85Broads (see their terrific ForbesWoman blog).

Here’s the piece:
LinkedIn: Busting 8 Damaging Myths about What It Can Do For Your Career.

This article truly struck a chord like no other piece I’ve written to date.  It became the most viewed piece on Forbes.com that day (more than 60,000 views!), and landed on the Forbes homepage.  Over 12,000 people shared it on LinkedIn, and the feedback I received was nothing short of astounding.  I was invited by over 300 folks to connect, and received 200+ emails, as well as speaking inquiries, blogging opportunities, consulting queries, requests for profile edits, and more. 

I was truly shocked that this little, informal piece about LinkedIn would be so hungrily consumed.  From the feedback I received in the days following the post, I now know the following about LinkedIn:

1) When over 100 million people engage in something, it’s a massive force of nature.

2) While so many of us use LinkedIn for hours each day, there is still rampant confusion and overwhelm about how to make it work most effectively.

3) Millions of people are hoping it’s some kind of a magic bullet – that it will fix things (like get you a job, or make your career better) that a professional networking tool simply cannot.

4) Rules of effective engaging (in life and on LinkedIn) are still a mystery to many.

5) Making the most of LinkedIn’s abilities is still out of reach for most.

6) As evolved as we are, humans still need a lot of help in learning how to meaningfully engage, connect and be in mutually beneficial community with each other.

I also learned a thing or two about writing.  Here’s what I gleaned:

1) When you write about something 100 million people care about (and happen to be a part of a large media platform), you get read.

2) When you share authentic views and aren’t afraid to be seen as a “contrarian” (and add to a national conversation), you get read.

3) When you aim to help people understand something important that’s hard to understand, you get read.

4) When you write something that just flows out of you quickly and easily (and don’t over-agonize or worry if it’s good), you write better.

I’m so grateful that this little piece just came pouring out, and that I didn’t over-analyze its merit.  I just offered it up to the editor, and hoped someone, someday might enjoy it.  From this, I got my own ForbesWoman blog (thank you, @ForbesWoman - here’s today’s piece).  And I was lucky enough to experience having a piece published that happened to be useful to good number of folks, and was a blast to create.

But I’m still scratching my head a bit about the appeal of this piece, and I’d love your feedback to help me understand it.  Can you please share…

1) Why do you think this piece struck such a chord?

2) What have you thought about the other information/pieces you’ve read about LinkedIn (have they been helpful to you?)

3) How have YOU felt when something you wrote or created surprisingly reached thousands of people?

Please SHARE your candid (and contrarian) views! I’d love to know…Thanks, my friends.

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Posted in Breakthroughs, Kathy Caprino, social media, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

10 Key Ways That Being More Positive Enhances Your Career and Your Life

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

As a trained marriage and family therapist and career coach, I’ve researched for over eight years what makes some people highly successful interpersonally and in business, and others doomed to fail.

I’ve observed this: Being more positive in your behaviors and language makes room for far greater success, satisfaction and reward in your life (this goes for your marriage and family life too). 

In Marriage as In Life and Work

During my therapy training, I read a fascinating book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  In it, the author, leading relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, explains that there are particular types of negative interactions that, if allowed to run rampant, are so lethal to a relationship that he calls them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  These four horsemen “clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order : criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.”

I’ve seen these exact same harbingers of professional disaster in the workplace as well. Allowed to run unfettered, these Four Horsemen will certainly clip-clop into the heart of your career and professional life with a deadly thud.

Dr. Gottman discovered a formula he believes is provable and reliable – that to make your marriage successful, you must ensure that there are five times more positive, loving interactions than negative, painful interactions between you and your spouse. If you don’t adhere to this formula, serious unhappiness ensues.  And if you dip toward the 1:1 ratio consistently, he says you’re likely to end in divorce.  He can watch a couple discuss a problem or conflict for only a few minutes, and predict with eerie accuracy if they’ll eventually end in divorce.

Interestingly, I’ve seen the relevance of this positive-to-negative interaction formula in people’s careers and professional endeavors as well.  Those who are consistently more negative than positive in their communications and interactions suffer from an untimely demise of their career potential.

Why is Negativity So Destructive? 

Negativity limits, constrains and tears down.  Negativity also tends to escalate, and as it does, it strips away future opportunities for success, self-esteem, trust, confidence, and growth.

What Does Positivity Do Instead?

Being positive, on the other hand, has the opposite effect – it builds, repairs, and protects.  Using positive language and behaviors builds up support structures and creates new roads to solutions and success.  It paves the way for a deeper level of human connection, compassion, and creativity.

 In fact, I’ve found that concentrating your focus on being more positive as you engage in your professional endeavors achieves the following 10 powerful outcomes:

Being more positive:

1)      Helps you engage with others more effectively and gain support more easily for your ideas and initiatives

2)      Develops you as a role model and someone to “watch,” admire and learn from

3)      Gives you greater positive impact and influence on your culture, your environment and your colleagues (positive language and emotion are magnets)

4)      Boosts your “immunity” to negative outside occurrences  – you become more resilient and bounce back quicker

5)      Inspires others around you to find the courage to seek — and move toward — the positive

6)      Strengthens your ability to advocate effectively for yourself and others,  which in turn attracts more opportunity for all involved

7)      Paves the way for more collaborative success rather than crushing competition

8)      Builds your reputation as someone worthy of trust and support

9)      Helps you see possibility where others see only hopelessness

10)   Brings to light your achievements and accomplishments rather than highlighting your failures

In the end, positivity paves the way for growth, and growth breeds success. 

You might be thinking, “Sure, I know being positive is important, but I can’t seem to shift myself out of my negative thinking, especially with all this bad news around us today.” 

If this sounds like you, I’d ask you to think again.  We CAN change and modify – it’s called evolving.  We ARE able to shift ourselves away from negative, destructive and damaging negative patterns to more positive ones – in our relationships and in our work.  I know, because I’ve worked extremely hard to create these shifts in myself and in my career, and have seen countless others do the same, to great success. 

If you will make the commitment today to engage in more positive behaviors and thoughts in your life and work, I know you won’t regret it.

Your challenge:  This week, take a very close look at your communications and interactions at work.   What is the ratio of your positive communications to negative ones?  If the ratio is at least 5 (positive) to 1 (negative), kudos to you!  If not, there’s some important work to be done.

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Posted in Advice, Breakthroughs, Empowerment, Inspiration for Change, Kathy Caprino, success | 6 Comments »

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